Brooke Hogan has responded to those rumors that she and her dad are in some sort of “perverted relationship.” Just because Hulk Hogan celebrated his 58th birthday at Brooke’s nude PETA exhibition and helped sunscreen her butt crack, doesn’t mean anything weird is going on.

“Im SO sick of people saying me and my dad are in some perverted relationship! Go home and do your own thing! Stop picking on me!”

“I’d LOVE to see these foul-mouthed haters run their mouth to my face. They’d be shaking in their little boots. #tallbadbitch”

She’s right. It’s not creepy to give her dad a kiss while his girlfriend who looks like Brooke’s doppelganger does the same thing. Not like there was tongue or anything.

Hulk Hogan celebrated his 58th birthday on Thursday at an art gallery of PETA’s newest exhibit titled “Women in Cages” which features a nude Brooke Hogan in a pet crate. To any normal dad, this would have been slightly uncomfortable, but Hulk isn’t a normal dad. See, when Brooke asks him to put sunscreen on her, he’s the kind of loving father that’ll get all up in there.

The exhibit itself was pretty lame though. PETA wanted to draw a parallel between putting humans in crates and putting animals in crates. This would have made a lot more sense if they gave Brooke a crate that fit her instead of stuffing her in there like her dad’s hand in her ass.

Anyway, the birthday celebration included cake and Hulk getting kissed by his 20-year-old daughter and 20-year-old girlfriend. Is it creepy that I can’t tell which is Brooke and which is Jennifer McDaniel? Also, when does he ask for the threesome? Before or after the cake?

Fame says Brooke and Linda Hogan were in Miami before heading out of town. They also ask if Linda was giving Brooke fashion advice. Probably because they’re wearing similar clothing. But besides that, what style advice if any could Linda give Brooke? To use duct tape when she tucks her 10-incher between her legs?

Via Dlisted comes this commercial for Def Jam Rapstar starring Brooke and Hulk Hogan and a Ron Jeremy look-a-like sitting in the corner. Hulk and Brooke try to duet Notorious B.I.G.but things get creepy when Brook jiggles her ass in front of her dad who then whips out his penis. If the purpose of this commercial was to make me queasy, then mission accomplished.

That thundering you heard at Miami Beach on Saturday wasn’t an underwater tremor. It was Brooke Hogan’s pounding footsteps as she lumbered in and out of the water in search of small crustaceans to eat.

I had to rub my eyes in disbelief when I looked at the header picture because Brooke Hogan looks, dare I say it, decent. My heart was filled with so much hope, so much joy. It seemed like a dawn of a new day. People can change for the better.

Then I looked at the other pictures and my heart sank because she got a new haircut and now she looks like her mom. This is about as disappointing as finding out the hot chick you’re talking to is a dude. Which may be a similar case here.

Brooke Hogan’s rep confirms the musically gifted (bwahahaha) Brooke is now single. She’s split with “aspiring rapper” Yannique Barker who’s chosen the unfortunate stage name of Stack$. Yes, the ‘S’ is a dollar sign to symbolize the stacks of money he failed to siphon from Brooke.

“Brooke Hogan and Stack$ have split but remain friends. He was a big part of her life for a very long time, and she still cares about him and his family dearly. Brooke would like to thank her fans for their kind words and sensitivity during the breakup.”

Are your loins on fire yet? If not, let me repeat. Brooke Hogan is single. If you’ve ever wanted to sleep with a tranny but were afraid of that whole penis thing, here’s your chance to experiment.

Brooke Hogan and Khloe Kardashian should battle it out for supremacy. It’d be like Godzilla vs Mothra, except much more destructive and earth shattering.

Brooke Hogan is clomping around Miami beach and you should avoid this place at all costs. There should be one of those terror alert things there but for Brooke Hogan. That way people will know to pack up and leave. For example, yesterday the Brooke Hogan alert would have been red, meaning, you’d have a much better time if you went to Brazil, got kidnapped and were harvested for your organs.

Well, not really. Hulk Hogan is engaged to his girlfriend Jennifer McDaniel who bears a striking resemblance to Brooke Hogan, his daughter. At LAX on Tuesday, Hulk made sure to point out Jennifer’s diamond ring to photogs. Everyone immediately vomited at the thought of Hulk banging a woman that looks so much like his daughter. Everyone then agreed that if Brooke looked like Kate Beckinsale, they’d understand. But Brooke? Aw, gross.

Entrancing songstress Brooke Hogan, scheduled to perform alongside Sean Kingston, LMFAO and Kristine Elezaj, had to pull out of Party 105′s Mega Jam concert in New York due to anxiety attacks. Her penis became untucked which I assume would be really stressful when you’re pretending to be a girl.

“Brooke is incredibly sensitive,” a source close to the starlet said. “She really cares about everyone around her and takes on a lot.”

You know what I always wondered? If Brooke tapes her penis up like everyone suspects, what happens when she gets a boner? Does she have to take some meditation classes to keep that in check or do all those estrogen shots keep her from having one.

Brooke Hogan has rejected Vince McMahon’s offer to follow in her father’s footsteps in the WWE. Brooke admitted that “The WWE have told me that if I ever want to become a wrestler all I need to do is walk through the door and they’ll give me a job straight away.” Instead of plying her skills in a trade that’s tailor made for her, she’d much rather make terrible music and pretend to be relevant. Brooke explains, “But it’s just not my interest. I’m more of a girly girl.”

Did Brooke just say she’s a girly girl? If she’s using that in the sense that she wears dresses and puts on makeup, then, yea, I’ll buy that. In any other case, that couldn’t be further from the truth. She couldn’t be less of a girly girl if she had a 5 o’clock shadow. If you locked me in a room with her and forced me to have sex with her, the first thing I’d do is beg you to kill me. Failing that, the second thing would be to sigh and bend over because I’m pretty sure Brooke has a penis and she’s going to overpower me and put me in that position anyway.

This is supposedly the cover for Brooke Hogan’s new album “The Redemption”. If I may be blunt, this looks like utter shit. I mean, I get that they couldn’t use a real picture of her because she’s easily confused with a dude, but at the same time, did they have to use this painting done by a street artist? This is the type of stuff that belongs on the hood of a salvaged car outfitted with hydraulics and surrounded by a bunch of unemployed 30-year-olds drinking 40′s from a paper bag.

To celebrate, Brooke gave her dad a three-way kiss with his Brooke look-a-like girlfriend. Then she gave the most disturbing BJ face sending crowds of people scurrying away. Then she turned to the camera revealing her 5 o’clock shadow and asked everyone whether her brow ridge was too cro-magnumy. What a sexy birthday party that turned out to be.