X17 Online photographed recent rehab graduate Brooke Mueller, who’s the primary caretaker for her and Charlie Sheen’s two kids, last Friday holding onto what seems like a homemade crack pipe.

Brooke, disheveled and wearing a baggy shirt, sweatpants and heels aka crackhead chic, took off running when she realized a photog was taking pictures of her. Which seems like totally normal behavior for someone not doing drugs.

TMZ notes that she was recently photographed in a shady transaction near a car in Hawaii and also photographed trying to pawn jewelery in LA.

LA County DCFC has not visited either Charlie Sheen or Brooke Mueller for six months. They may have to now that these pictures are out. Charlie and Brooke’s case file must be the size of the Oxford English Dictionary.

Charlie Sheen, one of his “goddesses” and Brooke Mueller appeared in court today to decide who would take custody of their two twins. According to Radar, a judge has allowed Mueller to keep primary legal and physical custody despite relapsing into a coke addiction.

Despite appearing “unsteady on her feet” and “glassy-eyed” Mueller was all smiles as she left the Stanley Mosk Courthouse.

“No comment,” she told RadarOnline when asked if she was pleased with the decision.

While Brooke is in rehab, her mother, Moira Fiore, will take care of the kids.

Did anyone think this would end differently? Brooke is the lesser of two evils. Charlie Sheen is crazy and lives with two hookers. Who knows what would happen to those kids. If he was given custody, we’d see them shot out of a cannon by tomorrow for his Torpedo of Truth tour. And if people asked him if that’s safe, he’d just go, “No, no. It’s cool man. I put a bunch of pillows on the ground so hopefully they’ll land in that.”

A tentative agreement reached by Charlie Sheen and Brooke Mueller in their custody deal is off the table. Sources say it’s because Charlie can’t stop making everything public. Yesterday, Charlie tweeted, “not sure what all the legal noise is about… just verbally reached a deal with B. no court mon. yay…. ..yet the opposition felt it necessary to still harass me with old gibberish…. odd? perhaps. transparent? you betcha’!”

In addition, the verbal agreement, according to Charlie, would have restored the custody agreement they agreed to in the divorce but TMZ says that’s not quite true. TMZ alleges the new deal would have required a monitor to be present when Charlie had the twins. However, now that the deal is no longer an option, Charlie will most likely go to court on Monday.

Being Charlie Sheen’s kid would be fun. You get to brag to your friends you have a porn star mom and no bullies would mess with you because your dad is insane and would probably smash them with his fire breathing fists and force them to take a drug he invented called Charlie Sheen which would melt their faces off causing their parents to weep over their exploded bodies. Not only that, you’d always get picked for sports because everyone assumes you’re always WINNING.

On Tuesday evening, police visited Charlie Sheen’s Beverly Hills mansion, shook his tree and ripped his twin boys out of his jet fuel infused arms. This comes after his ex Brooke Mueller was granted a restraining order against Sheen early Tuesday based on allegations that Sheen physically and verbally abused her. To put it bluntly, Mueller is “very concerned that [Sheen] is currently insane.” For whatever reason, the judge agreed with her. *Shocked face*

Consequently, Sheen has been stripped of custody of his boys and has been forbidden to communicate with Mueller or get within 100 yards of her or his children. According to Brooke, Sheen only recently started showing interest in the twins and took them from her house on his mercury surfboard without permission.

When she tried to get the twins back, Sheen allegedly threatened, “I will cut your head off, put it in a box and send it to your mom,” she said.

Mueller also alleged that while on vacation in the Bahamas last week with his two girlfriends, Sheen launched into a tirade against Mueller, punched her in the arm, spat on her feet and “threatened to stab my eye with a pen knife,” the documents show.

When contacted by PEOPLE and asked if he planned to fight for custody of his sons, Sheen replied with a text message that reads, “Born ready. Winning.“

Well, one redeeming quality about Charlie Sheen is he doesn’t pussy foot around. His tiger blood won’t allow him to do that. There are no games with this guy because he lives inside the truth and there’s no point debating him. And frankly, how could you, what with his 10,000 year old brain and boogers of a 7-year-old. Plus, winning is all Charlie does.

In December, Charlie Sheen held a knife to Brooke Mueller’s throat and threatened to kill her.

On Wednesday, reports indicated Charlie Sheen’s soon to be ex wife Brooke Mueller moved back into his multi-million dollar mansion where porn star Bree Olson and his girlfriend Natalie Kenly are also staying.

Today Radar says he, his wife, his porn star and his girlfriend all boarded a plane to take a tropical vacation together. Note that Sheen is supposed to be in at-home rehab but I guess he’s been cured.

“Charlie is back to his old self — and that’s not a good thing,” a source close to the situation told RadarOnline.com exclusively. “So much for rehab at home. He took off with the girls on Wednesday.”

Remember when Charlie Sheen wanted to build a porn family but his handlers freaked out and nixed the idea? Well, looks like it’s happening anyway. To Charlie, there’s no such thing as a bad idea. There are just ideas that he hasn’t followed through with yet.

Brooke Mueller needs to make up her damn mind. Radar reports that while reps for the both of them claim they want to work things out, sources say they’re miserable with each other and that Brooke wants a divorce once her court case for domestic violence is over.

“Brooke wants out. She’s said it before and she’s saying it again right now,” a source close the situation told RadarOnline.com. “She’s worried though, because Charlie has a lot of dirt on her. Using drugs while raising children is obviously a horrible situation.”

“The marriage is a nightmare,” said the source. “But each one is worried about ways the other one can hurt them. For Charlie, he’s terrified Brooke can help Colorado prosecutors send him to jail. For Brooke, she knows Charlie knows all the dirt about her drug and alcohol use.”

I had it all wrong apparently. I thought Charlie could do much worse to Brooke. For example, Charlie could put a knife to Brooke’s throat and threaten her with death again which seems more terrifying than knowing one’s secrets.

[Images: Bauer-Griffin.]

Charlie Sheen and his wife Brooke Mueller are both in rehab for crack addiction. Radar says Brooke’s been in rehab more than five times. This is Charlie’s third and the only reason he’s there is because of his sons.

The two have been doing crack for a while and have a strong addiction to it. A source says Brooke smoked crack the night before she had Charlie arrested in December and she and Charlie both did drugs the day before Brooke went to rehab.

Charlie and Brooke spiraled out of control, partying together as their marriage came apart. Team Sheen was hoping the Two and a Half Men star could keep it together long enough to sign a new contract, but ultimately he went into rehab because he was worried about the fate of their infant twin sons.

“Brooke has been out of control for months,” the source told RadarOnline.com. “She smoked crack the night before she had Charlie arrested in December.”

“They both have addiction issues and they don’t have a happy marriage,” the source said. “It was just a disaster and they tried to cover it up as long as they could but ultimately the whole situation just exploded.”

Charlie Sheen is a screw-up so marrying Brooke was a match made in heaven. At times I’m sure they didn’t even remember they had twins. If you ever asked Charlie about his kids while he was high, he’d probably say something like “Yea… my kids. I’m about to drop them off at the pool.” To which you’d reply, “The pool? But it’s 1 AM. Who has lessons this… oh… you mean you’re going to take a dump.” Then he’d ask you to dress up in a cheerleader outfit and shake your pom poms for him despite you insisting you’re not a prostitute.

[Aspen, February 8. Images via INF.]

Charlie Sheen has been dropped by Hanes all because of a little domestic violence. Ads for their Comfortsoft line of undershirts featuring Sheen and Michael Jordan were suspended on December 28. Spokesman Matthew Hall said, “Some were seen on the 25th, 26th, 27th as we could not reach the networks over the holiday weekend.”

Sheen’s contract ends in the middle of this year, although there were no other commercials planned.

“We do have a print ad in some trade publications using Mr. Sheen that are scheduled to run this spring,” Hall said. Because of publishing schedules, those ads could not be changed.

I’ve never seen the ad, but who buys undershirts because other dudes tell them it feels great against their nipples? That’s not something I think about when I’m deciding which 3 pack of white shirts to get. Now, if Sheen endorsed the product by saying it’s the only shirt he uses for choking out hookers, then we’ll talk.

In related news, Brooke Mueller is “eager” to get back with Sheen. According to PEOPLE: “Brooke and Charlie are not allowed to have any contact with each other at this point,” Mueller’s lawyer Yale Galanter, tells PEOPLE. “Brooke wants to get back with Charlie so we are anxious to meet in court.” Also in related news, Brooke Mueller is a dumbass.

If you didn’t think Charlie Sheen and Brooke Mueller were messed up enough, how about this new report from RadarOnline which claims that Brooke went to rehab for alcohol abuse while she was five months pregnant with their twins. Consequently, one of the twins was born with a heart problem and of course Sheen blamed it on Mueller’s alcohol problem which must have made her feel great.

When one of the couple’s twins was born with a heart problem, the couple argued bitterly and Charlie told Brooke the medical problem was her fault for boozing while pregnant, RadarOnline.com has learned.

“They both have drinking problems,” said a source close to the situation. “And neither of them should be drinking.”

It’s going to be hard to decide which of these two will get the parent of the year award. Will it be Charlie Sheen for putting a knife to Brooke’s throat and threatening to kill her or will it be Brooke for replacing her amniotic fluid with Absolut Vodka? Is there some sort of combined award I can give them like, say, a vasectomy and hysterectomy?

Brooke Mueller has hired criminal defense lawyer Yale Galanter to help modify the protective order against Charlie Sheen “so they can work on resolving the conflicts in their marriage.” Conflicts such as Sheen putting a knife to Brooke’s throat and threatening to have her killed.

Galanter, who is currently in Aspen, says he was specifically hired to make sure prosecutors don’t “overreact” and charge Brooke with lying to cops. He says, like many women who find themselves in similar circumstances, Brooke didn’t realize that Charlie would be arrested after she called 911. So, Galanter says, Brooke soft-pedaled her story to a female cop hours after the 911 call but insists she did not recant.

Meanwhile, E! uncovered Brooke’s “checkered past.” Brooke has been arrested on two separate occasions. Once for DUI and causing damage to property. Another time for cocaine possession. Both cases were dropped.

According to the incident report, Mueller “had no recognition of hitting any sign,” and had to use the car door “as a brace to remain standing.” She consented to a field sobriety exam, and of the six tests the officer conducted, Mueller passed only one.

Mueller was arrested on DUI charges and taken to the Palm Beach County Jail, where she quickly told officers she had drunk wine, taken Vicodin, and previously used both marijuana and cocaine. She also expressed concern that someone had added Rohypnol, the date-rape drug, to her drink.

They should really make a Christmas special about Brooke Mueller and Charlie Sheen. Call it A Charlie Sheen Christmas or something like that. They should animate it too like the Charlie Brown ones. Choking, punching and putting a knife to your girlfriend’s throat is horrible in real life, but hilarious in cartoon form. Especially if there’s a laugh track.

If you hadn’t heard, Charlie Sheen was arrested Christmas morning after his wife Brooke Mueller claimed he threatened her with a knife. Sheen countered that Brooke started it and he was only trying to defend himself. Sheen was booked and then released from Pitkin County Jail after posting an $8,500 bond.

Also, they were both given blood alcohol tests at the scene. Brooke blew a .13. Sheen blew a .04. A day later, Brooke recanted her story. Both these facts bring her credibility into question. Although at the time, it was suspected she only changed her story because she was divorcing Sheen and wanted to be in his people’s good graces so she could get a better payout. Charges could be filed against Sheen for domestic violence or Mueller for falsely accusing Sheen.

By contrast, my Christmas morning consisted of me sleeping in and dreaming of lying in front of a warm fire. Although, the Sheen household sounds way more fun. I’ve always wanted to know what it was like to sleep with one eye open with my hand on a serrated knife under my pillow ready to attack.

$800,000 per episode actor, Charlie Sheen, and his new wife, Brooke Mueller, are expecting. This will be Brooke’s first and Charlie’s fourth.

“Brooke informed me two days ago that very soon we’d be producing our own version of Two-and-a-Half Men,’” recalls the Emmy-winning actor, who is already the father to three daughters, Cassandra, 13, Samantha, 4, and 3-year-old Lola. “That would imply it’s a boy, so until we know, we’ll refer to it as ‘Two-and-a-Half People.’ We’re beyond happy to be new parents together.”

Oh, haha. Two-and-a-Half People. You’re so clever Charlie. Not clever enough to wear a condom, but still. Verrrrry funny. I almost broke a smile on that one. It turned into a snort of disdain, but you were close.