Last week a still frame from a sex tape that Calum Best supposedly made of Lindsay Lohan circulated around the net. A day later, Erik, after mistyping the youtube url (wink, wink), proved it to be a fake. Clearly, Lindsay Lohan didn’t get the memo because she called Calum to yell at him.

A source, who overheard the rant, said Lindsay was screaming: “I can’t believe you would ever f***ing do this to me, I should have listened to everyone.

“I should never have f***ing trusted you.”

Lindsay screeched down the blower for so long that she had to leave another voicemail to finish her abusive tirade.

The Mean Girl continued: “It’s everywhere now, all over the net, everyone’s seen it, how f***ing could you?”

The video was grainy, blocky and had bad resolution like the picture so you can pretend it’s Lindsay if you’re into that. I couldn’t even tell what was going on. I thought it was a VHS capture of some Charlie Brown movie until someone told me otherwise. It looked like one those videos your friend sends you where all of a sudden a creepy face pops up and screams at you. I would have punched someone so hard if that happened. By punch, I mean ask them politely to stop sending me those things. Or just not as often. No? It’s ok, I’m flexible.

A grainy cell phone picture of a blond giving a bj to a guy was posted on Gossip Rocks earlier in the day. The image is reportedly of Lindsay Lohan blowing her ex-boyfriend Calum Best. The poster, JennPink, writes that Calum has been trying to sell the tape which was no doubt shot on a cell phone from when the two were together. Images were sent to his friends who then sent it to other friends who then sent it to others like a game of erotic telephone.

Anyway so i have this friend (cant say her name.) who is friends with lindsay lohan. She’s just emailed me saying that someone has sent an email to lindsay with a screen clip from the movie, and shes freaking out because she “cant remember it being filmed”.

Arguments for this picture not being Lindsay are: You can only see blond hair, it’s blocky, the face is blurry. Arguments for this being Lindsay, which I think you’ll find very persuasive and may convince you 100%, are: The girl has a penis in her mouth, the girl is not black. NSFW picture here.

Via Celebitchy

Update: Not Lindsay. Or is it?

Calum Best calls him and Lindsay Lohan the new couple on the block and wants to launch a perfume with her. News to me since I thought they broke up. What with his snorting coke off strippers. In any case, the Mirror says Calum is flying to see Lindsay on her birthday and at the same time,

He’ll also be working on his second fragrance and skin care range – and he wants Linds in on the action.

That meeting will be a little awkward. Last time I tried something like this, the girl threw a fit. We had just broken up too. Actually, not really broken up, more like I stopped staring at her from outside of her house for a few days because it was rainy. I should buy an umbrella.

Lindsay Lohan’s ex, Calum Best, was “caught” on video tape doing lines and in a threesome with two hookers. The Sun says,

Sex toys and a cat-o’-nine-tails whip were used as he:

• SNORTED lines of cocaine off a glass table while the naked vice girls looked on.
• LICKED the Class A drug off one hooker’s body and let both women pleasure him at once — before romping with each in turn.
• SHOUTED at one of them to “take a f*****g line” as drugs were laid out.

Whatever. This isn’t a big deal. A regular Tuesday night for me. Except, replace lines of coke with lines of baking soda and replace hookers with pictures of hookers. I also cry into my pillow afterwards. But it’s not that weird. Everybody does the baking soda thing at least once in their lives, right? Hello?

Calum Best recently praised Lindsay Lohan’s sexual prowess saying their marathon sex sessions leave the hotel room looking like a whirlwind passed through it.

“He told me Lindsay’s really insatiable when it comes to sex. [He said] ‘she’s dynamite between the sheets… No girl I’ve ever slept with comes close’.”

“Calum was knocked out by her body. He said she’s got one of the best he’s ever seen with all the curves in the right places. He joked Lindsay loved being on top during sex and controlling the pace but sometimes he felt he needed ear muffs because she screamed so much during sex.”

“Calum explained that because Lindsay was so fit he would often find it hard to keep up with her demands. Lindsay likes her sex rough and passionate and Calum says he has the bruises and bumps to prove it.”

Did Michael Jordan suck at basketball or Robocop suck at killing people? No. If Calum had said Lindsay was a dead fish in bed, then I would be surprised. In fact, I’d clutch my heart and keel over from the shock. It would be like if God didn’t know karate or if I couldn’t kill lions with my bare hands.

Calum Best and Lindsay Lohan are having relationship troubles. Last Friday in the Bahamas, Lindsay didn’t seem to be bothered by rumors of loverboy hooking up with model Sara Kova. On Sunday, Lindsay changed her tune and was pissed when Best was spotted collecting phone numbers from models at Cipriani Downtown. Later, a screaming session between the two of them started at the penthouse and continued to the lobby of the Soho Grand.

“Calum’s clothes were torn, and after a few minutes, they got back into the elevator and went back to their room.”

That cocaine has made Lindsay really unstable. She has to be all dramatic. With her, it’s not a fight unless there’s a dead hooker on the bathroom floor and ripped shirts. If you just shut up for a second and let me explain, you’d know she died from old age. Come on. She was close to 80 or maybe even 90 years old.

At Wednesday’s Nylon party, Lindsay Lohan was making out with British dude Calum Best.

“This isn’t a serious relationship,” one friend tells us. “He’s a piece of s-. He’s a wanna-be celebrity. Lindsay trusts people until they hurt her.” Whatever their future, Lohan was in fine form at the Tenjune bash. “She was lifting up her skirt, and sending people over to [her friend, deejay] Samantha Ronson when she didn’t like what she was playing.”

Lindsay also may have sampled some of the sponsors goods, Trump Vodka. However, a spokesman for Tenjune commented that they have a very strict underage drinking policy. The more famous you are, the more alcohol you get. Plus, a handle of vodka can hardly be considered drinking.