If Candice Swanepoel’s plan was to trick me into falling in love with her by making me stare at pictures of her in a bikini all day, it’s working. She’s so nefarious.

If a Victoria’s Secret beach bikini shoot was an exam, Candice Swanepoel would have passed with flying colors. She wouldn’t even have to study for it. They would nickname her The Prodigy. That’s how good she is at looking hot in a bikini.

On another note, this person has the greatest job in the world. “Wait, hold on. Let me splash some more water on your ass. Mm yea. Just like that.” Of course, she probably sounds a lot less creepy doing it than I would.

It’s still aamzing how Terry Richardson tricks supermodels like Candice Swanepoel into doing a photoshoot wearing only leggings and a see-through bra. How do I get this job? Do I just go around snapping shots of women in front of a blank canvas? Because I have tons of those. Except the look of abject terror in their eyes ruins some of the photos.

Sort of NSFW pictures in the gallery. It’s art because a well-known photographer took them.

Last week it was Adriana Lima modeling in a bikini for Victoria’s Secret, this week it’s Candice Swanepoel. They’re slowly moving up the chain of models. “Yes, yes. The collection is almost complete,” I whispered to no one in particular at Starbucks.

As my good friend Rebecca Black once said, “It’s Friday. Friday. Got to get down on Friday.” Here to help you do that is Candice Swanepoel modeling a bunch of bikinis. This is so much better than white noise. Mainly because I can’t masturbate to white noise.

Candice Swanepoel is in the latest issue of Aussie MenStyle where took pictures of her in a dress that didn’t fit her and kept slipping off her slender body. Guess how that turned out? If you guessed nipply, you win!

Gallery starts here.

Lending credence to that hookup rumor posted yesterday where Candice Swanepoel was said to have blown Zac Efron at the Roxbury, here are new photos of Zac and Candice out on a date at the Plan B concert last night at El Ray Theater in LA. Candice even tried hiding in the back seat as the two drove away. I guess she doesn’t want her Russian model boyfriend finding out. That or she’s taking her panties off. I’d like to think it’s the second one.

Updated note: I was going off the description PCN Photos gave of the blonde in the car. I assumed their photogs would have recognized the girl but they may be wrong and that may just be a random blonde.

I’m terrible at writing blind items so instead, here’s a game called Fact or Fiction. If I have to tell you how this game works, you may as well stop reading and continue to fill out that janitor application.

Today’s rumor comes from a tipster who says Zac Efron hooked up with Victoria’s Secret model Candice Swanepoel. Actually, they say she blew him in front of a bunch of dudes. Wait, what?

Last March, Zac was spotted with a “mystery blond” at Roxbury. They were both cuddling in a booth with a bottle of tequila and eventually left together at 2 a.m. The tipster alleges the mystery blond was Candice Swanepoel who met Zac for the first time that night.

They were introduced by a mutual friend. They started talking and drinking and then a few hours later, once he had wined and dined her at the nightclub, they went into a VIP room and she started, how can I put this, orally servicing him in front of quite a few male and female friends. They then left the club and went to her house and continued their escapade.

Now it’s time to play fact or fiction. Unless a little more proof comes out, here’s why I think it’s fiction: First, dude, it’s Zac Efron. Come on. Second, yea, the club may have been dark but I think at least someone would have noticed a hot chick bobbing up and down on Zac Efron’s junk. That’s, like, the first thing I look for when I step into a club. What? Don’t you? Granted, stranger things have happened. Case in point, Cash Warren and Jessica Alba.

Update: Probably not. E! News says the girl was Laura New, a friend of Zac’s and Vanessa’s. Blondes all look alike apparently.

If any of you have tips, send them in to tips @ theblemish . com.

Not only is The Daily Mail starting the fire but they’re also fanning the flames. They posted this picture of Victoria’s Secret Angels Adriana Lima, Candice Swanepoel and Alessandra Ambrosio at a swimsuit photoshoot yesterday to highlight how skinny Candice seems in comparison and to feign concern. They make it sound like it’s a bad thing when a girl’s thighs never touch.

The 22-year-old appeared to have lost a significant amount of weight as she modelled the lingerie line’s new range of swimwear at The Mondrian hotel in Los Angeles.

Standing alongside models Alessandra Ambrosio and Adriana Lima, she stood out from her fellow Angels with her pencil thin legs and concaved stomach. She also appeared noticeably slimmer around the jawline. While Adriana and Alessandra looked slender in their black swimsuits, Candice looked almost emaciated next to the two girls.

To be fair, who wants to look at fat chicks in bikinis. I want my chicks in bikinis to be skinny. The skinnier the better. The best is when they have to be tethered to a spike in the ground so they don’t blow away with the wind.

Candice Swanepoel is naked in the winter issue of VMAN which is the male counterpart for V magazine I’m told. Is it? Well, whatever the case, Victoria Secret’s Candice Swanepoel is in the latest issue. Naked. You could call this magazine “I Bang Fatties” for all I care and I’d still be holding it out in front of my face at the bus stop in front of Jenny Craig.

NSFW gallery starts here.

Candice Swanepoel, Erin Heatherton and Chanel Iman were on hand to launch the Incredible Bra at the Victoria’s Secret SoHo store. Their outfits looked inspired by the Jetsons. Cool… I guess. No points for originality but massive points for making my childhood really erotic.

Candice Swanepoel is in the May edition of GQ and she looks great. I almost regret turning down when she asked me to go on a date. I should tell her I changed my mind. Hopefully next time I fall asleep I’ll have the same dream.

Miranda Kerr, Candice Swanepoel and Alessandra Ambrosio were all on hand to celebrate the 15th anniversary of the Victoria’s Secret Catalog at the SLS Hotel in LA today. It’s a good thing I wasn’t there because I might have tackled them out of excitement and lay on them as they struggled to get out of the water while shouting, “You’re so pretty!”