Carla Bruni is the French First Lady or something. I’m not sure. The point is she’s really important in France, I think. Anyway, someone made off with photos and videos of the 41-year-old that were made during her affair with philosopher Raphael Enthoven. A few of these items are suspected to be pornographic in nature. Ruh roh.

Thieves broke into the flat of actor Julien Enthoven, who is Raphaël’s younger brother.

Raphaël is believed to have entrusted the pictures to his 27-year-old brother because he did not want them to embarrass his new partner – or Mr Sarkozy, said a detective working on the case.

‘The thieves appeared to know exactly what they were looking for – taking highly intimate prints, a camera full of further images, videos, and numerous computer files,’ said the source.

Police now fear that thieves could take advantage of Miss Bruni’s status as an international sex symbol by selling the pictures for hundreds of thousands of pounds.

They could be posted on the web so as to cause maximum embarrassment to Mr Sarkozy, who is only too well aware of his third wife’s colourful past.

The only problem with that plan is everybody has already seen Carla Bruni naked (NSFW). Granted, maybe no one’s seen her on all fours with a ball gag in her mouth begging for cheese and crackers, something which could potentially be on the tapes, but really, aren’t there more important celebrities you’d rather fantasize about? Like Jessica Alba, Angelina Jolie and me. Come on, ladies. I’m available.

Carla Bruni is a model who’s dated Mick Jagger, Eric Clapton, Kevin Costner and Donald Trump, but is best known for currently dating French president, Nicolas Sarkozy, who has hinted at a wedding in the near future. She has been quoted saying she is “bored with monogamy” and “love lasts a long time, but burning desire – two to three weeks.” A far cry from the burning sensation caused by gonorrhea which lasts much longer.