If you don’t enjoy watching Cassie frolic in the ocean with another chick then you, my friend, are a communist. Good day, sir. I said, GOOD DAY, SIR!

Cassie showed up at the beach in Miami the other day and for whatever reason, bent over for the cameras, flashed her ass and then held her breasts as she walked towards the water. She did all this without me threatening her with the hose which makes it even better.

Women who are naturally flirty are awesome. Not like those high schoolers who are all, “Why are you always driving past me in your van. Get away from me, you perv.” *Rolls eyes* Geez. Loosen up, baby.

Miss Info, who’s either a sassy gossip slinging mistress or a fat dude in his basement pretending to be a sassy gossip slinging mistress, claims that the recent leaked photos of both Rihanna and Cassie are not new. Rumor is that they’ve been shopped around for a year or so and that there are many more photos of not just Rihanna, Chris Brown and Cassie but of other celebs such as Jennifer Lopez, Jamie Foxx and Christina Millian.

All of those are expected to leak too. Which should be interesting. I’ve always wanted to see what Jamie Fo Jennifer Lopez looked like naked in her prime. I bet she needed a makeshift pulley system to keep her ass upright on that skinny frame.

Earlier today, Cassie’s computer was hacked by a celebrity Robin Hood of sorts who leaked topless photos of her unto the world. These were taken before she shaved her head and hopefully before P. Diddy wrapped his tongue all over them. They show a topless Cassie and her pierced nipples. If there were any doubts as to the authenticity of these photos, Cassie tweeted:

IT SEEMS THAT SOMEONE HAS HACKED INTO MY COMPUTER…THAT’S REAL FOUL AND EVIL. NOW STOP ACTING LIKE YOU HAVEN’T SEEN A TITTY BEFORE.

Damn straight. This is the laissez-faire attitude other celebrities should have about nudity. Cassie’s pierced nipples shouldn’t be a big thing. It’s like, whatever. Especially for me, international playboy model. In fact, right now I’m motorboating a famous model’s breasts, but I can’t tell you who’s it is because I’ve been sworn to secrecy and gentleman never talk about these things. It’s Bar Refaeli!

The naked photos here and here (NSFW).

Update 05/07/09 @ 9:00 PM: A supposed third photo of Cassie was leaked (here, NSFW). This one is much different than the other two. Let’s just say she’s showing a lot of patriotism by posing with a bald eagle. I don’t know whether this is fake or not. All I know is that you should be thanking whatever god is up there that there isn’t a naked P. Diddy on top of her decked in shades and breathing laboriously through his mouth.

Update 05/08/09: Cease & desist from lawyers. Had to take it down. IV, however, has yet to take it down. 1, 2, 3

Over the weekend, Cassie stunned fans and fans of my penis by shaving half her head and posting the result on Twitter. As the NYDN astutely notes, Cassie coincidentally has a new album coming out. Related? Probably not. Celebrities would never pull attention grabbing stunts like this.

“Yeah I did it,” the 22-year-old wrote on her Twitter page next to a photo of her partially shaved head. Coincidentally – or not – she just released a new single.

Cassie didn’t exactly explain why she pulled a partial-Britney, but wrote a series of messages on her page: “Sometimes in life, you need a change … Something deeper than what you thought you were capable of … Something that displays the ‘I don’t give a f—’ attitude that was always present, but never showcased … & something that will shock your mother, but make her call you a ROCK STAR.”

Cassie later answered fans’ shocked responses with the message, “I woke up and felt like it!!! Yeeeahhh!!! LOL.”

You hear that, world? Because she “felt like it.” Cassie isn’t above giving into impulse or throwing caution to the wind. Yea, this may be one of the most retarded things someone can do, but when a moronic idea, one that normal people push out of their minds, flashes through a famous person’s head, they go out and do it because they are a rock star and all the years of coddling have left them unable to think anything through.

R&B singer and rumored P. Diddy arm candy, Cassie, pierced both her nipples in defiance of breast cancer, of which her mother is a two time survivor. Take that you stupid cells. Cassie reasons:

“I got my piercings before I got my results, like positive energy… I think it’s sexy. I’m proud of them.” “I’m sitting there with my parents, my mom’s sobbing after she finds out that I don’t have the gene, and I’m like, `Guess what, mom and dad, I got my nipples pierced.’

“It was nerve-racking because I was like, `My mom’s going to kill me if I have this gene and I got these things.’”

Cancer doesn’t stand a chance against illogical reasoning. You dare divide at an uncontrolled rate? I’ll divide YOU at an uncontrolled rate. Because like my father always said, “the best defense is a nonsensical offense” and he always punctuated that statement with, “I think I can see Cassie’s nipples.”

It was reality Wednesday for me. Beauty and the Geek is still rigged and American Idol um, well it’s American Idol. Four years since I’ve watched an episode and it’s pretty much the same.

• Now Katie Holmes has a nose job? [Celebrity Smack]
• Rachel Ray-cist? [Evil Beet]
• Brad Pitt wants to be more man. [Glitterati]
• Heath Ledger and Michelle Williams are married. [Celebitchy]
• Cassie sexes up the night. [CityRag]
• Leonardo DiCaprio has girlfriend troubles. [ICYDK]