Chad Kroeger of Nickelback revealed to Playboy magazine that when he was 14, he sucked his own dick because he really wanted a case of beer. Surprisingly, that was only the second gayest thing he’s ever done. The first was to form Nickeblack.

He told Playboy: “I put my own d**k in my mouth. I was 14 and much more flexible at the time.

“It was soft and required a lot of pulling. I really wanted that case of beer.”

I’m amused that he attempts to justify this. It’s like if you said, “I stuck a baseball bat up my anus and subsequently tore my rectum. I probably should have lubed. I really wanted that Klondike Bar. You understand, right? Klondikes are delicious.”