Last night on Inside the NBA which aired live from Madison Square Garden, co-host Kevin Smith asked Tracy Morgan to settle an argument between him and Charles Barkley: Tina Fey or Sarah Palin? Just so we’re clear, this is Tracy Morgan from 30 Rock and this wasn’t a question about politics.

Okay. Now that that’s settled. Tracy said, “Yo, let me tell you something about Sarah Palin. She’s good masturbation material.” At which point, humorless execs at TNT had a massive coronary.

TNT has since released a statement apologizing for the remark. “It’s unfortunate Mr. Morgan showed a lack of judgment on our air with his inappropriate comments. We apologize for any embarrassment or offense it may have caused.”

In Tracy’s defense, it was really their fault for even handing him a microphone. There are two things you don’t do in life. Play hot potato with an armed grenade and give Tracy Morgan a microphone during a live broadcast.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xdmYAYBgDIo&feature=player_embedded

Charles Barkley’s blood alcohol test came back and it says he was DUI positive. He’s terminal. Terminally retarded.

Arizona police say Barkley was driving with a BAC of .149, almost twice the legal limit, when he was pulled over. As it turns out, driving drunk and running a stop sign because you were in a hurry to get the best head you’d ever had from your passenger isn’t a valid excuse because the former NBA star is due in court January 20.

The severity of his punishment will be based on how hot the girl is. If the girl gives the judge an erection, Barkley will do community service. If the judge goes “woof,” Barkley will spend 5 hours in jail. At least, that’s how the justice system works in my head.

Yesterday, Charles Barkley was pulled over by Arizona state police for driving under the influence. Now, new details have emerged which paint a clearer picture as to why Barkley was in such a hurry. According to a report filed by the cop who pulled him over, Barkley ran a stop sign because he was in a rush to get a blow job from the girl he picked up.

According to the officer who wrote the report, “He told me that he ran the stop sign because he was in a hurry to pick up the girl I saw get in the passenger seat.”

The officer continues: “He asked me to admit that she was ‘hot.’ He asked me, ‘You want the truth?’ When I told him I did he said, ‘I was gonna drive around the corner and get a b**w job. He then explained that she had given him a ‘b**w job’ one week earlier and said it was the best one he had ever had in his life.”

The report also alleges that later at the station, Barkley tried to woo an employee out of his DUI by promising “I’ll tattoo my name on your ass.” He then laughed, corrected himself and said, “I’ll tattoo your name on my ass.”

In Barkley’s defense, all the blood probably rushed out of his head and into his crotch causing him to become irrational. He probably shouldn’t have tried to “bribe” the employee in such a straightforward manner either. It would have been wiser to imply it. Like, tell the guy, “I’ll do anything to get out of this DUI, officer,” and then do that thing where you grip an imaginary penis and push your tongue against your cheek.

Police in Scottsdale, Arizona pulled over former NBA player, 45-year-old Charles Barkley, for running a stop sign. They realized Barkley was acting a little weird and asked him to take a breathalyzer. Barkley refused and was taken to the station for a blood test. Cops cited him for driving while impaired and released him. Results of the blood test will be known in about a week. Until then, Barkley is free to look like a cracked out homeless guy whose swift brand of justice includes throwing human feces at passing motorists.