Cheryl and Ashley Cole have had a rocky four year marriage which was ended today in 60 seconds. Separated since February, Cheryl submitted the necessary papers to get the divorce going.

A judge accepted that their relationship had broken down because of the Chelsea footballer’s ‘unreasonable behaviour’.

In High Court papers, Cheryl claimed that Cole was still acting unreasonably, leading to suggestions that the pair are still battling over how to split their housing and assets.
The pair now face a six-week ‘cooling off period’ before a decree absolute is granted, which will end their marriage for good.

Their time together was marked with constant rumors of Ashley’s unfaithfulness. The good news is that when Cheryl and I start dating, she won’t have to worry about me cheating. Because I don’t have any girlfriends. Or friends for that matter. I’m so lonely.

Here’s Cheryl Tweedy in her new calendar.

Soccer (football) star Ashley Cole cheated on Cheryl Cole for the hundredth time and that’s led to their divorce. Ashley’s latest affair was with Ann Corbitt, an American local government worker, who told a newspaper a week ago that she and Ashley had sex in a hotel in Seattle during Chelsea’s pre-season tour last July. Everyone will now be watching how their $26 million will be split. Cheryl’s publicist released this statement,

“Cheryl Cole is separating from her husband Ashley Cole. Cheryl asks the media to respect her privacy during this difficult time. We have no further comment to make.”

This is good news for us because Cheryl Cole is incredibly hot. She’s also in a famous UK pop group, does solo stuff and is an X-Factor judge so you can count on her staying rich. All that needs to be done now is to get rid of that Derek Hough she’s been hanging around with then she’ll be mine. If not because of my charm and rippling muscles, then because of the fuzzy handcuffs used to lock her to my bed.

Here’s Cheryl during her recent trip to LA to get away from Ashley Cole and to use that Derek guy to make Ashley jealous.

[Bauer-Griffin, Fame]

More magazines should do Batman/Gotham inspired photo shoots like this. They should especially throw in random ones of their subject in top hats. You got to keep it classy, you know.

Thank god for Cheryl Tweedy or else I would have never known that the National Television Awards were last night. What is the National Television Awards anyway? Is that where they give out free televisions to celebrities and stuff? If so, why wasn’t I invited? Too famous?

I had pretty much the same expression as this guy when I saw these. All hot girls should dress like Cheryl Tweedy did on her birthday. Especially if they have a nice rack. I think I’m in love. And not just with myself this time.

People are saying Cheryl Tweedy Cole is too skinny now. I don’t know anything about that, but she looks pretty hot in these tight leather pants. Plus, her breasts haven’t shrunk so it’s not like the weight loss is adversely affecting her. Maybe health-wise, but certainly not attractiveness-wise. And isn’t that what really matters? I’d like to think it is. But that’s just me. I’m patriotic.

I only have a passing knowledge of UK celebs so please excuse me if I don’t know who Cheryl Tweedy is. If I had to venture a guess, she’s a stripper or singer or a stripper singer of some sorts. Either way, she’s not taking off her clothes. Instead, she’s doing this chicken dance. Which is great. IF YOU’RE TWELVE! Tsk tsk. You English really have to start stepping up your game. We even gave you Paris Hilton to help level the playing field.

I read somewhere that Cheryl Tweedy Cole is on vacation with her footballer husband Ashley Cole to try and save their marriage. Obviously, this is a ridiculous notion. When in the history of man has someone fallen in love with a hot chick dressed in a bikini? She needs to up her game if she wants to save this sinking ship. Maybe cook him a steak and give him a bj while he’s eating it. That’ll buy her at least another two months.

Cheryl Tweedy is part of the British pop group Girls Aloud. Their members like to dress up like trollops and shake their asses on stage. This is why I like the UK. Over here, our manufactured girl groups like the PCD are filled with tranny whores who sing about being sexy and hiding their scrotum. Over there, they have actual sexy girls who sing about having sex with me or at least that’s what I imagine they sing. Look, I don’t know. It’s not like I pay attention to the lyrics. I’m too busy holding up my gigantic glittery “I Heart Girls Aloud” sign and batting my eyelashes at them.