The Huffington Post got their hands a 31 minute phone conversation between Chris Rock and Hollywood investigator, Anthony Pelicano, who’s currently in a criminal trial. The conversation pertains to an affair the married Chris Rock had with Monika Zsibrita in 1998. Monika later claimed to be pregnant with his child (proved false), accused him of raping her (no charges filed) and kept a used Kleenex with Rock’s sperm in her freezer [Uh... what? - Ed.] (DNA testing still in dispute). Rock wanted Pelicano’s help to counter those claims. HP also provided a transcript of the call. I’ve pasted the interesting parts below.

14:00
Pellicano (reading from report): “He tried to pull out and ejaculated on her thighs. She immediately got up and went to the bathroom where she cleaned up with a Kleenex. She put the Kleenex in her pocket.”

14:55
CR: I’ve been so set up…
AP: Did you come on her thighs?…
CR: I had a rubber on. I probably took it off right when I was getting ready to come. I probably came on her ass.

22:00
AP: Did you stick it in her? Without a rubber?
CR: No

30:05
CR: Rape is just fucking, buzz, you know?… Once you’re accused of rape, you’re just FUCKED, you know?
AP: That’s why i want to blacken this girl up, totally. I want to make her out to be a lying, scumbag, manipulative cocksucker… Stupid bitch
CR: I’m fucked. I’m better getting caught with needles in my arm. WAY better. Needles, with pictures, there’s Chris Rock shooting heroin. Much better blow to the career.

So, did Chris Rock rape Zsibrita? The world may never know. However, what the world does know is how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop. The owl says three and I’m inclined to believe him. Even if he’s a pompous asshat.