The above photo posted to Twitter, since removed, shows Coco lying topless with her baby nephew. I linked to the photo on DS but I feel like I should highlight the severity of this situation.

Did you know a recent study showed suffocation by enormous titties were the second leading cause of infant deaths? Did anyone stop to think what if Coco fell asleep and one of her 20 pound funbags flopped onto that kid’s face? That baby could be dead now. Apart from the potential coroner’s report, this is no laughing matter.

Here’s Ice-T’s wife Coco posing at Miami beach over the weekend showing off her ridiculous proportions. If you had a caricature done of her, the picture would look exactly like these. How does this girl even use standard size toilets? I bet she has a custom made one at home. One of those talking toilets. And every time she sits down, it whimpers.

Coco showed up at Heidi Klum’s Halloween party dressed as a slutty nurse. She clearly bought this costume in the kids section of whatever Halloween store she went to. Should we tell her or just keep it between us?

Coco started off “Thong Thursday” yesterday with a picture of her and her sister’s ass. She felt that we needed to know she was the one on the left. “Surprise”Thong Thursday”Pic w/my sister @angelbabynaz I’m a bad influence.I’m on left she’s on right ”

Gosh, really? I saw those jeans about to burst like Jessica Simpson’s waistband and figured it was Coco but I wasn’t sure. Thanks for clearing that up.

Ice-T was arrested in New York City on his way to the vet today for driving with a suspended license. He was originally pulled over for not wearing a seat belt. He was taken into custody and then released. Coco had this to say about the incident on her Twitter:

Yes,Ice was arrested this morning but we don’t know what the hell for!He’s been released..We got pulled over for not wearing seatbelts.

I believe when the cop saw Ice he immediately had a hard-on for him & he wanted 2 take him in for something,anything!He was released already

Drama day… 1st I took my dog to get surgery,then Ice got arrested.That was the worst feeling 2 see him in handcuffs……….

….Then 5 minutes later I get pulled over for talking on the phone….What next?Now its media overload for stupid shit!

Whatever. Who cares. You know this is going to blow over in 30 minutes and Coco’s righteous indignation is going to be replaced by her deciding which photo of her tits and ass she’s going to post on Twitter. In fact, 10 minutes later, she posted the picture above.

I’m not sure Coco is even real. She looks like she was carved from a solid oak tree. Her ass is ridiculously big and her tits look like someone stuffed two basketballs in her chest which have forced her thighs to turn into those of a rhinoceros just to hold up the weight. She looks like a linebacker. I have this urge to just tackle her and see if she goes down. I bet she doesn’t. I bet it’d be like running into a wall, but softer on account of all that silicone. So, maybe it’d really be like running into a big, delicious marshmallow. This is making me hungry.

This was everywhere Wednesday, but I’m slow so that’s why it’s just showing up now. Anyway, if you could stop judging me for a second, this is a picture of Coco. She put up a picture of herself working out on Twitter and it is every bit as ridiculous as you’d think it would be. First, she’s squatting in heels. Not just any heels, but stripper heels. It’s like her next 10 reps are going to be on a stripper pole. Second, her huge ass which doesn’t even look like it belongs in the realm of reality. Horses have smaller asses than that. She’s looks like a god damn centaur.

This year’s sluttiest Halloween costume goes to Coco. Accordingly, this year’s most awkward Halloween picture goes to Ice-T and Coco. You can see how they won that honor by the 10 foot radius people created around them. Finally, this year’s most random Halloween pairing goes to Rihanna and Coco. Their willingness to stand around and make everyone go “W-T-F is an inspiration to us all.

I want you to do something. Imagine Ice-T’s girlfriend Coco. Now imagine her dressing up for Halloween. What kind of costume is she wearing? Is it something demure and understated? Of course not. It’s been scientifically proven she’s allergic to that type of stuff. One time she dressed conservatively and she almost burst into flames.

• Hollywood Rag: Coco’s rack is all American
• CNW: Julianne will never stop showing her cans
• WIMB: Nicole is mad at Paris
• Yeeeah: Amy Winehouse showed her tits at jail

• NinjaDude: John Mayer enjoys groupie sex
• HB: Jessica Simpson has a new country video
• Hollywood Tuna: Mila Kunis because she’s hot
• Celebwarship: Wino’s father an optimist

Ice-T and his big booty wife Coco talked to Heyman Hustle about the secret to their incredible sex life. Not sure why anyone wants to know how Ice-T keeps her happy, but Coco says it’s because of the “stroke”. Don’t want to know anymore? Well, too bad.

“We have a certain Stroke he does and he surprises every now and then with a different Stroke.”

Ice then teased: “Sex is 90 per cent mental. It happens in the brain, so she thinks my Stroke is special – but it’s the way I’ve got her head believing it’s something special.

“And that’s what adds to the Stroke.

“You can come in and hit it on a swing, but it ain’t gonna be the Stroke!’

I’m not sure what Ice-T means by the swing. Asking him to explain it would probably bring about the same unpleasant visual imagery as asking him to explain this stroke thing did. I could never watch these two in a sex tape. I don’t have the testicular fortitude. Although, if I had to imagine it, it would be Coco sitting on Ice-T’s face with her huge ass. Coco will think Ice is slapping her behind because he’s enjoying it. In reality, he’s actually trying to tap out like in the UFC. When she disengages her 50 inch ass, you’d see this euphoric expression on Ice-T’s face and he won’t be moving. At all. You’ll think he’s in a coma and you’d most likely be correct because you can’t just go around smothering guy’s faces with your butt and expect them to breathe properly.

Since we’re on the topic of shocking. What’s more shocking about this picture. Coco being naked on stage, Coco’s massive fake breasts, Coco grabbing Ice-T’s nuts, Ice-T’s quizzically pained expression, that Ice-T is still performing or the fact that people are still paying to watch Ice-T perform? I await your answers in the comments. Full image here. Definitely NSFW.

“Your mother sucks cock in hell”

At Maxim’s Hot 100 party, Ice-T and Coco were removed from their bottle-service table to make room for Hilary and Haylie Duff. Coco was pissed. Ice-T was too embarrassed to be pissed. I figure I would kill myself if that ever happened. That or pretend I didn’t hear the maitre d’. Crying works too. Everyone is uncomfortable when a guy starts bawling. Prepare to squirm people. You’ve never seen snot bubbles like these.