Ryan Reynolds was on Conan Thursday to promote Green Lantern (which is obviously poised to be number one at the box office come Monday). He told Conando that he wasn’t always so ridiculously good looking. At least not to women. Ugh. Another one of those I didn’t used to always be good looking stories.

“Up until I was like 18, I looked like a Vietnamese girl,” said Ryan. Unfamiliar with that stereotype, I looked up “Vietnamese girl” on Google image search and, except for a couple of pictures, he sounded pretty hot. I bet all the guys wanted to do him. Especially his principal who he described as looking “like an online predator who lost his computer.”

Ryan also admitted to accidentally falling on a girl he liked during volleyball practice just to get close to her. “And just a few years later, that’s illegal. That’s straight up inappropriate.” Wait, what? *Gets up off girl on the ground, pulls up gym shorts, runs away*

He also admitted to being suspended and ultimately expelled. He smirked, “As though sitting at home all day masturbating to Spanish soap operas is supposed to teach me a lesson.” Wow, Ryan Reynolds. He’s just like us! Or like me yesterday afternoon at least.

Conan O’Brien released a promo for his new show on TBS. In it, he washes his desk like one of those 80′s bikini car wash videos to the tune of Def Leppard’s ‘Pour Some Sugar on Me’. There’s no doubt Conan is funny but if he’s going to do this, he should go all the way. Show your tits or at least smush your red, hairy nipples against a glass desk while a camera films from below. That would be so hot.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qUus_-DEpTA

Conan O’Brien has announced the name of his new show premiering on TBS this November 8. It will be called Conaw, er, Conan. He made a video in a barren office announcing the name.

Hopefully the production value of his new show will be a little better than this teaser. Although, you could stick Conan at this empty desk and sparse room all alone, have him talk to himself and interview hand puppets he made out of rags and it’d still be one hundred times funnier than Jay Leno’s show.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WHeyO2W8aPU&feature=player_embedded

Remember when George Lopez said he was honored Conan O’Brien’s new show on TBS would push his show back to the graveyard that is the midnight time slot? Well, surprise. The network may have forced him to lie.

In fact, Lopez was warned by network chiefs he would be axed if he didn’t welcome O’Brien with open arms. “George was initially opposed to the idea of moving his time slot to make room for Conan on TBS,” said a source. “He was told that if he wasn’t supportive, his show would not be renewed. The Lopez camp is even more disheartened by the fact that Conan’s contract states that if Lopez’s show is canceled, then Conan will be able to develop a show for the midnight hour, as well . . . it’s in Conan’s best interest for Lopez’s show to fail.”

If this were true, Conan probably has no idea because he genuinely seems like a nice guy but I wouldn’t feel bad for George if this was part of Conan’s master plan. I’d rather watch Conan’s self-pleasuring panda for an entire hour than sit through five minutes of Lopez brushing his teeth with a bottle of Jack with Ke$ha or talking with Jennifer Love Hewitt about her bedazzled vagina.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4HxKHJXT7Ps&feature=player_embedded

Before beginning his Legally Prohibited from Being Funny on Television tour, Conan O’Brien broke out his guitar, his best chimney sweeper accent and covered Radiohead’s “Creep” during soundcheck. To say it wasn’t the best cover ever, would be a lie. “Five stars! Even whinier than the real Thom Yorke,” wrote Pitchfork.

Also, since Conan is banned from ever using the masturbating bear again, he debuted a new character, self-pleasuring panda, the rarest masturbating animal around.

Conan O’Brien has struck a deal with TBS and will now serve as the lead-in for Lopez Tonight shifting George Lopez’s show from 11 PM to midnight. The as-of-yet untitled show will air Monday through Thursday.

Not only is George Lopez not bummed about being moved to midnight, he personally asked Conan to come to TBS. He added,

“I can’t think of anything better than doing my show with Conan as my lead-in,” Lopez said. “It’s the beginning of a new era in late-night comedy.”

If I was George Lopez, I’d just be happy they let me keep my show. It’s like being a bench warmer on the Saints. You still get the ring, but with half the effort.

Conan O’Brien just announced his 32 city The Legally Prohibited from Being Funny on Television Tour with Andy Richter which promises to be a night of music, comedy, hugging and the occasional awkward silence. While there’s no guarantee it’ll be any of those things, there is a guarantee that it will be half-assed.

Even if all he does is sit on stage stabbing pins into a Jay Leno voodoo doll and sobbing, it’ll probably be funny because it’s Conan.

Get your tickets here if interested.

Now unemployed, Conan O’Brien has tons of time for new hobbies. Like joining Twitter, posting an update and never returning. His first tweet is a sad one: “Today I interviewed a squirrel in my backyard and then threw to commercial. Somebody help me.” Ironically, the squirrel is probably a better guest than all of Leno’s combined.

Conan O’Brien may or may not have found a new late night home on the Fox network. There have been no talks as of yet and the move all depends on whether it makes financial sense for the network who hasn’t had a late-night show since The Chevy Chase Show crashed and burned after just a few weeks in 1993.

There are also concerns about if Fox’s 205 affiliates would agree to switching out profitable local news programs for an untested late-night show starring Conan O’Brien who Leno replaced due to low ratings.

News Corp. chairman Rupert Murdoch said that if Fox did decide to move forward that “I’m sure we’ll have some difficult negotiations.”

If Fox is still anything like Fox back in the day when they ran In Living Color and Married With Children, Conan could do well not having to dumb down his material and can keep doing sketches that push boundaries like he did in his 12AM time slot on NBC. Which is great because things are a lot funnier when you don’t have to cater to the old people who don’t understand the inherent humor in a bear jacking itself off.

Jay Leno sat down with Oprah Winfrey and Oprah was disappointed. Oprah basically said America hates Jay and thinks he’s a selfish asshole who screwed Conan O’Brien out of the Tonight Show gig. Jay’s response was that it all comes down to numbers and that neither Conan nor Jay had them. What Jay glossed over was the fact that he was giving Conan a crappy lead-in unlike the much better news lead-in he had. One could even argue Jay sabotaged Conan. Maybe he planned it all along. Jay seemed bitter at being forced into retirement. He also said he “thought” Conan was going to take the deal to move back half an hour later without even confirming with Conan.

Anyway, Jay comes off as a sneaky rat in the interview. The only way this could get worse is if when Oprah turned her back to get a glass of water, Jay pushed her over in her chair and took over the show. Part 2 & 3 under the cut.

Conan O’Brien will be parting NBC $45 million richer. Sort of. Conan will get $32.5 million regardless of whether he finds work at another network. NBC will pay $7.5 million to the Tonight Show staff and $4.5 million to the executive producer.

Conan’s final show will be on Friday. Leno will return as host on March 1. There’s been no announcement of who will host the Tonight Show between then.

“In the end, Conan was appreciative of the steps NBC made to take care of his staff and crew, and decided to supplement the severance they were getting out of his own pocket,” his manager, Gavin Polone, told The Wall Street Journal. “Now he just wants to get back on the air as quickly as possible.”

Since Conan won’t be able to take most of the characters from his show with him due to the fact that they’re the intellectual property of NBC, he brought out the banned masturbating bear for the last time. It brings a tear to my eye that I’ll never see a bear play with his huge sack in front of me again. Why? Why!

Made popular with the whole Tiger Woods thing, the “explaining things with Chinese and CGI” is back. This time they take on the late night battle between Conan O’Brien and Jay Leno. The video is pretty good and makes a lot of sense. It accurately portrays Jeff Zucker as an idiot who doesn’t know his head from his ass and explains the situation pretty well despite being in a foreign language. Although, it gets sort of ridiculous when it devolves into a superhero battle royale at the end. Only because Conan is more like Noid from Domino’s Pizza instead of The Hulk.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lJ9m1an-pQ8&feature=player_embedded

NBC insiders have told The Hollywood Reporter that despite NBC denying rumors of Jay Leno striking a deal to return to his previous time slot, everyone fully expects Leno to host an hour long show at 11:35 PM called The Tonight Show now that Conan has refused to be banished to 12:05 AM.

Meanwhile, reps for Conan have denied the reports that his last day will be next week on January 22. Reps say “he has a scheduled hiatus the week of January 25.”

At the same time, everyone is scratching their heads wondering what the hell is going on? Each statement brings more unanswered questions. Like, is Conan leaving or not? Is Leno really that much of an ass? How will my DVR handle this? Do you think it will blow-up? And why am I so handsome? Genetics?