The California attorney general says in the three months before his death on March 10, Corey Haim illegally obtained 550 prescription pills which included Valium and Soma. 550! Haim tricked seven different doctors into prescribing them to him.

Holy crap. That’s a lot of pills. What the hell was he doing with them? Popping them like breath mints? Corey must have been wasted by the end of every day. An elephant probably couldn’t withstand the effects from the amount of pills he took. You could have restocked a Tijuana pharmacy with all the stuff in Corey’s medicine cabinet.

Corey Haim was laid to rest on Tuesday in Toronto. Notably absent was Corey Feldman who did not attend out of respect for Haim’s mother and her wishes to minimize the media attention. Feldman posted on his site:

“This is for you on the day of your funeral. First off I am so sorry I am not there with you today. By that I mean my physical body is not with your physical body. However you know that my heart is right at your side. You also know the only reason I am truly not there is out of respect for your mother and her wishes to minimize the media attention as much as possible.” (read)

Guess what? It worked! The service had “more than 200 mourners” including some girl who drove 8 hours from Philadelphia. Wait. Feldman said he wanted to maximize the media attention, right?

While none of the four prescription drugs found in the apartment Corey Haim collapsed were “illegal”, one of them has now been linked to a major drug ring.

On Friday, the California Attorney General’s Office said it was investigating the ring and how Haim got the prescription. The Attorney’s office said the ring was known for ordering prescription forms from authorized suppliers using stolen doctors’ identities. The forms were then sold to addicts or people charged with filling the prescription and then selling them.

State Attorney General Jerry Brown’s office said an unauthorised prescription under Haim’s name was found during an ongoing investigation of bogus prescription drug forms ordered from a San Diego supplier.

“Corey Haim’s death is yet another tragedy linked to the growing problem of prescription-drug abuse,” said the statement, issued two days after Haim, 38, was found dead in Los Angeles on Wednesday after an apparent overdose.

“This problem is increasingly linked to criminal organizations, like the illegal and massive prescription-drug ring under investigation. It’s a serious public health problem.”

Corey Haim and illegally obtained drugs? This is about as surprising as the sun coming up every morning. You mean it rose again? What are the chances?!

In related news, Corey Feldman won’t attend Haim’s funeral. Feldman says he has spent a lot of time with Haim’s mother Judy following his death, however, due to their “strong religious belief” and “need for privacy”, they’ve decided to keep Corey’s funeral on Tuesday small and private.

“In the days following my best friend Corey Haim’s death, I have spent much time with his mother Judy, who has always been like a mother to me,” Feldman says. “I would love nothing more than to be by her side at Corey’s funeral, however due to their strong religious beliefs, and need for privacy, the family has decided to make Corey’s funeral on Tuesday a small private affair.

“Understanding the recent media attention and to be respectful of the family’s wishes I have decided not to attend. Instead I will remain in Los Angeles quietly mourning and planning his memorial. As a sign of respect I am asking the media to honor Corey Haim by making the same choice.

“I am working with a few people who were close to Corey to put a memorial together within the next month. At that time, the media will be invited to honor and celebrate the legacy he has left behind, along with friends, fans, and the rest of the Hollywood community.”

Weird. This is the exact same excuse I use whenever I find out I’m not invited to a party. Don’t worry Feldman, if this is anything like what happens to me, the funeral will be dumb and boring anyway. You’ll be much better off sitting alone at home in the dark watching tv and waiting until after 9 to call the cops to complain about the noise coming from that place.

The LA County Coroner’s Office told Corey Haim’s mother that he died of pulmonary congestion and that he also had an enlarged heart. Basically, a combination of fluid in the lungs and caring too much killed Corey. That’s why I don’t do that. Care. It’s dangerous, man!

While four prescription bottles were taken from his room, the coroner couldn’t confirm whether or not they were in his system. The final report will come some weeks later after the toxicology report is done.

Since you were dying to know, here’s Corey Feldman on Corey Haim’s death.

I was awakened at 8:30 this morning by my brother and sister knocking on my bedroom door. They informed me of the loss of my brother Corey Haim. My eyes weren’t even open all the way when the tears started streaming down my face. I am so sorry for Corey, his mother Judy, his family, my family, all of our fans, and of course my son who I will have to find a way to explain this to when he gets home from school. This is a tragic loss of a wonderful,beautiful,tormented soul, who will always be my brother,family, and best friend. We must all take this as a lesson in how we treat the people we share this world with while they are still here to make a difference. Please respect our families as we struggle and grieve through this difficult time. I hope the art Corey has left behind will be remembered as the passion of that for which he truly lived. ~ Corey

I wonder if Corey Feldman woke up at 1 AM terrified as if sensing something was wrong. Sort of like how you hear twins do when their other half dies. Because that would be kind of creepy. Having Corey find out I watch him sleep at 1 AM in the morning.

Popular child actor (The Lost Boys, etc.) and part of the dynamic Corey & Corey duo from the 80′s, Corey Haim, died of an apparent drug overdose Wednesday morning in his mother’s apartment in Burbank, CA.

38-year-old Haim got out of bed shortly before 1 AM and collapsed in front of his mother. She dialed 911 at 12:53 AM, but it was too late. After being rushed to the hospital, Corey Haim was pronounced dead at 2:15 AM. Four prescription drug bottles were found nearby.

Authorities believe Corey died of an accidental drug overdose. His mother told cops he had been battling a prescription drug addiction for years. No illicit drugs were found inside his mother’s home. Haim also suffered from flu-like symptoms before he died.

Very tragic and very confusing. I’d always thought the first Corey to go would be Corey Feldman since he’s doing stuff like this now.

Update: Oh, wait. I guess Haim was doing pretty much the same. Trailer for American Sunset via The Wrap.

News just keeps getting better and better. Corey Haim and Corey Feldman are back together again in an improv sitcom called The Coreys (very inventive). The show is described as being similar to Curb Your Enthusiasm and follows Feldman leading a happy life with his family until Haim comes.

For some inexplicable reason, I get the feeling that this is not going to be on the same level as Curb Your Enthusiasm. The last time I saw the Coreys together was when I was watching The Lost Boys and Corey Haim had a poster of Rob Lowe in his closet. Message! I’m now taking bets on if the show will be cancelled before anything funny happens on it.