Courtney Cox was filming Cougar Town in Hawaii in a green bikini. For a pool scene or whatever. The point is she looks amazing for a 46-year-old. Her body is tight and firm like my ass. By contrast, Pamela Anderson is 43 and she looks like she fell in a garbage can of fail. Now I see why David Arquette got so frustrated when they stopped having sex.

She’s so hot that if anyone started talking to me while I was staring at her, I’d punch them in the face for interrupting me.

Derek Hough, of Dancing With The Stars fame, was close to playing a gay character alongside Courtney Cox in the new ABC series Cougar Town. Unfortunately for Derek, his recurring gay role in Dancing With The Stars caused scheduling conflicts. E! News reports,

“It would have been perfect,” Hough said. “With all the rumors going around, I thought it would be really funny because it’s just not true. But I was like, you know what? If that’s what you want to see.”

My heart breaks with this news. I’ve been waiting with bated breath to see Derek sashay around and lack sexual attraction to a cast of scantily clad semi-famous women. What show can I turn to now to fill this empty void?