Reverend Fred Phelps and the Westboro Baptist Church hates everything. What they hate most, however, is the gays. Gays scare them. So, by extension, Phelps also hates Lady Gaga aka The Proud Whore who, because of her sparkly outfits, seems like a gay icon to them. Gaga is also performing at the Fox Theatre on January 7. Ergo, they must picket outside to show their distaste. They even sent out a press release asking people to join them.

“Thou hadst a whore’s forehead, thou refusedst to be ashamed…Will He reserve His anger forever? Will he keep it to the end? Behold, thou hast spoken and done evil things as thou couldest.” Jer 3:3,5

“Art” and “fashion” are the euphemisms, the guise under which proud whore Lady Gaga teaches rebellion against God (incidentally, her claim to the title of “lady” is sound only if she tacks on “of the night,” thereby alluding to another euphemism of what she is.) As much as she’d like to pretend otherwise, there’s nothing new or different about this particular hussy’s pretentious prancing. Does the simple slut truly think that she can change God’s standards by seducing a generation of rebels into joining her in fist-raised, stiff-necked, hard-hearted rebellion against Him? Get real!

Even as she gives lip-service to “liberating” her young fans, Lady Gaga brings them into slavery to their own corruption, teaching them to glory in their shame. She hates you! “For when they speak great swelling words of vanity, they allure through the lusts of the flesh, through much wantonness…While they promise them liberty, they themselves are the servants of corruption!” 2 Pet. 2:18-19

YOU’RE GOING TO HELL.

Reverend Fred Phelps is very convincing. If he didn’t sound like that ranting lunatic begging for change at the center divider every morning, I might bedazzle a “God hates Gaga” sign and join them. Especially if it keeps me from going to hell. Hell sounds scary. Like the gays.

Here’s Lady Gaga basically slapping God in the face at the Nokia Theatre yesterday.

Nadya Suleman, the woman who gave birth to octuplets and six other children, has launched a website following a whirlwind week of interviews and media scrutiny. Despite being insistent that she doesn’t receive or want to receive welfare, even though she does, there is a place on the website to make donations. Actually, that and “leave a comment” are the only two clickable things there.

Not sure who’d want to give some crazy Angelina Jolie wannabe money much less stay on that page for more than 5 seconds. The site is filled with babies with tubes coming out of their bodies. That’s creepy as hell. Couldn’t she have waited until after they got out of the hospital? Putting sunglasses on them doesn’t seem to help either. It might actually make it more disturbing. I can’t even handle moving my mouse over that page. The first thing that raced through my mind when it loaded was, “ALT-F4, ALT-F4!”

53-year-old James Jackson, former VP of legal affairs at Sony Pictures, was sentenced to 200 hours of community service for harboring an alien. His wife, Elizabeth, 54, was sentenced to three years in jail after pleading guilty to a charge of forced labor. This was after a court heard testimony about their mistreatment of Nena Ruiz, their Filipino maid, in a case of “modern-day slavery.”

Ruiz was forced to eat three-day-old food and to sleep on a dog basket after working 18 hours a day. Over the course of several months’ employment between 2001 and 2002 she was paid only 300 dollars.

In a related civil lawsuit, Ruiz said Elizabeth Jackson regularly slapped her and pulled her hair.

The Jacksons also threatened to turn her over to immigration authorities if she left them, Ruiz said. Ruiz finally fled the Jacksons after she was hit in the mouth with a water bottle in February 2002.

This is why I outfit my Filipino maid with a shock collar on their leg so she can’t wander more than 500 feet from my house. I also make sure not to teach her any English because once she learns the word “help,” people start to get suspicious. Right now whenever she waves wildly and screams at the neighbors from my backyard, they think she’s just saying, “Hi!” Yes, wave to the nice people, Ms. Ruiz. Now, let’s go inside so you may lick my toilet clean.

Britney Spears and pal, Sam Lufti, got into a big fight last night. The two drove up to the community gate of Britney’s house and all of a sudden, Britney jumped out of the car crying. For some reason, she called Adnan Ghalib asking him, “Baby, can you come pick me up?” Adnan told her to go into the house to wait for him. He eventually made his way over, but was told by the gate security that he wasn’t allowed in. The cops were called to contain the paparazzi trying to catch the fight.

Today, TMZ says Britney’s mom, dad, her sister and her cousin were all there that night and that they may be planning an intervention this week. They want to get Britney’s bi-polar disorder under control.

This move has been in the planning stages for well over a month. It should begin to unfold IF Britney cooperates, and that is the wild card.

This probably isn’t a very good time to tell Britney you’ve kidnapped her dog. No, sir. A very bad time indeed to pull such an immature stunt that may be the catalyst for a severe psychotic break. Just so we’re clear, you can see me winking, right?