I don’t want to neglect you ladies so here’s Cristiano Ronaldo with his shirt off during the champions league match of Real Madrid vs Milan. I swear. It’s like looking into a mirror.

The Sun says Kim Kardashian was sucking face with Cristiano Ronaldo at a restaurant after watching him play for Real Madrid. Later she jumped in her Mercedes wagon to follow Ronaldo in his Audi RS6 back to his mansion. Kim stayed for four hours and the next day left for the US.

Cristiano Ronaldo has been linked to every celebrity out there. Last June it was Paris Hilton and TMZ had pictures. Today it’s Kim Kardashian. Tomorrow it’ll be Lindsay Lohan. It’s come to the point where it’s hard to tell if people are making stuff up for the hell of it. That’s why I give this report a 30% chance of panning out. Docking another 10% because Ronaldo isn’t black effectively gives this story a 20% chance of being true.

[INF]

Just a day after her break-up, Paris Hilton has already moved on. To Ronaldo. World famous soccer star. That whore moves fast. From The Sun:

“Cristiano and Paris were all over each other swapping spit the entire night!

“His table needed every waitress in the building to bring all the alcohol he was getting through to him. He spent in excess of $20,000 on champagne and drinks. He was having a great time.”

The Portuguese star left the club with Paris at 3am and drove to Nicky’s pad in West Hollywood.

He was spotted leaving at 5am, sporting trademark grin.

I don’t know who the bigger whore is. Paris or Ronaldo. I wonder if their std’s battled it out for supremacy or did they just meet in the middle in neutral territory to insult each other with “yo momma’s so fat” jokes.

Update: TMZ has some pictures. Also, at what point does a dress become just a t-shirt?

Manchester Utd’s Cristiano Ronaldo was driving through a tunnel at Manchester Airport this morning in his $400,000 Ferrari when he lost control and smashed into a wall. No word on how fast he was going, but witnesses say his car was a “mangled wreck.” Ronaldo managed to walk away from the accident unscathed and went to practice with his team. Another witness tell The Sun:

The front of Ronaldo’s car was completely mangled. There was metal all over the road and debris – and we had to dodge our way through it. Ronaldo was just standing at the side of the road looking forlorn and bewildered.

So now not only does Ronaldo make a lot of money and get to bang hot women every day, he’s also invincible. He probably doesn’t age either. Whatever. His life isn’t so great. Today I dropped my peanut butter jelly sandwich on the floor. There was only one hair and a few specks of dirt stuck to it this time. Suck on that Honaldo!

Soccer superstar Cristiano Ronaldo has dumped hot piece of ass Nereida Gallardo. A friend says it’s because he grew “bored” with her like a cat with a ball of yarn. Nereida, of course, is in denial.

“This is all nonsense. I spoke to him today, like always. We are together. He told me he loves me and I him.”

Poor thing. You’re free now Nereida. Run along.

In other desperate gold digger news, Paris Hilton, who’s dating one of the Madden brothers, made a play for the now single Ronaldo at Villa Wednesday morning. As expected, she was neither subtle nor discreet

‘Paris was all over him. The moment he arrived, she went over to his private table. At one point, she pushed her chest together and made a point of trying to snuggle up against him. But Ronaldo clearly wasn’t interested in Paris. He turned his back on her.’

I’m impressed Paris kept some dignity and didn’t make one last ditch effort by attempting to blow Ronaldo right then and there. She probably would have misjudged the length of the table and split her head open. Anyway, Ronaldo would have none of it. He just dumped a girl fifty times hotter than Paris. Getting a bj from her after getting one from Nereida would be like going from having sex with Jessica Alba to sticking your penis in a vacuum cleaner.

Pictures of the ex below.