David Arquette and Courtney Cox may never get back together. Despite Cox and family attending David’s DWTS performance, Arquette told Howard Stern on Thursday that he and Entertainment Tonight reporter Christina McLarty were dating.

“I’m not one to run around with different girls,” he said. “I like someone that makes me feel good and that I can make feel good.” PEOPLE

McLarty was married to Joe Francis for two months back in 2010. She and Arquette met at a boat party and were first seen together at Comic Con in San Diego back in July. Whoa, wait, back up. Joe Francis’ ex? Yep, there’s definitely something wrong with this girl. I wouldn’t date Joe Francis’ ex if she pooped gold and her mouth felt like marshmallows.

Courtney Cox earlier said David Arquette tried to hit on her during a trip to Disney World with their six-year-old daughter Coco but she denied him. She recounted, “He did try to hit on me, he hit pretty hard and I said, ‘You don’t have the fast pass right now – not for that ride! He’s something else… we are separated and David is sober now.”

During a joint interview with David on Howard Stern, she reveals that may have been one of the problems in their marriage. Courtney claimed David constantly wanted sex. Talking about the Disney World incident, “It was early in the morning. This is one of our problems in our relationship. Whenever I would need consoling from David, he could not literally put his arm around me for one second without completely getting a boner … So [Disney World] just wasn’t the right time and I don’t want to confuse the issue. We’re going through a hard time.”

Can you blame the guy? Courtney Cox is hot. Even at 46. I get a boner by just looking at her on my monitor. If I ever got to have sex with her, I’d come so hard that she’d rocket up in the air about 100 feet as if she sat on Old Faithful.

David Arquette has been taken to the hospital following a head on collision. Arquette was driving in West Hollywood about an hour ago in his Cadillac when the car in front of him suddenly stopped. Attempting to avoid hitting the car in front of him, David veered left into oncoming traffic slamming into a car going the opposite direction.

David was lying on the ground bleeding as fire trucks rushed to the scene. Pictures from TMZ (video there) show David in the death pose. He’s not really dead by the way.

I really want to know if David walked out of his car and thought to lay on the grass until the ambulance came. Because that’s what I would have done. Concussions make me sleepy.

TMZ says he was on his way to board a private jet to Vegas where he was to attend the grand opening of Sugar Factory and a party hosted by Kim Kardashian.

After partying at Beacher’s Madhouse at the Roosevelt Hotel on New Year’s Eve, David Arquette checked into rehab over the weekend. He’s being treated for alcohol and other non-drug related issues. A source tells TMZ David is doing this because it’s “the right thing to do for his family.”

I always figured the best treatment for David would be to get him on Ritalin. That guy is bouncing off the walls all the time. Having a conversation with him would be like talking to the tv during commercial break.

David Arquette has been boo-hooing everywhere about his split from Courtney Cox but the pity phase is over. It’s time to start partying with bitches and little people.

That’s exactly what David did at the Fontaine Bleau in Miami. David and friends loaded up on alcohol and women over the weekend Tweeting about most everything throughout the day. As they say, any day that doesn’t end with a dead hooker in your trunk is a successful one.

Jasmine Waltz had sex with David Arquette at least twice during his split with Courtney Cox. Now Jasmine is talking about how sex with David was over so fast and was so depressing that she wanted to kill herself. Well, she didn’t say that but it’s implied. From Life & Style’s press release:

Jasmine Waltz, waitress and model, first met David on Sept. 30th when he and a group of friends showed up at Premiere nightclub, where Jasmine was working. Within 20 minutes of meeting her, David revealed that he and wife Courteney Cox had separated. “I was surprised to hear that,” Jasmine tells Life & Style. “But his friends all seemed to know about it.” However, she says David seemed agitated and depressed about the split. “He was beaten down. He mentioned that he hadn’t slept with anyone since separating from Courteney.”

Just two nights later, David went back to the nightclub and after her shift ended, he took her to a house party. They both got very drunk, Jasmine says, and left the party around 2:30 a.m. Talking and strolling, they ended up at a Hollywood home – David told Jasmine it was the house he and his siblings had grown up in. Once they were alone, David was intent on having sex.

“It wasn’t bad sex,” she tells Life & Style, “but it wasn’t emotional. It was quick and painless. Nothing exciting.” She continues, “When we were done, he just looked at me and said, ‘This is the first time I’ve felt like a man in a very long time.’” Jasmine says it wasn’t just a one-time thing, she and David had sex again.

But she was adamant about making sure he was telling the truth about the split before sleeping with him. David assured her he was single and opened up to her about what had caused the split. “I definitely got the impression that Courteney had made the decision to separate,” Jasmine recalls. “David did not seem like the one in control of the situation. Not at all.”

Quick and painless is how you want to describe a trip to the doctor or a root canal. It isn’t how you want a girl to describe sex with you. And you definitely don’t want to go full emo and say stuff like “this is the first time I’ve felt like a man in a very long time” either. At least David had enough sense not to cry in front of her. That could have made things real awkward. Even more so.

Is that header photo of them at a memorial and is David crying? Jesus. I don’t know how Jasmine kept from slitting her wrists while she was with him.

Courteney Cox and David Arquette are separated and David has been going on Howard Stern to talk about how he’s banged a few chicks while they’ve been apart. But none of that should make you think they’re getting a divorce. What are you, an idiot? Courteney explains via PEOPLE:

“I don’t know what will happen, but this is not like we’re getting divorced,” Cox says in a new interview with Australia’s TV Week. “This is a separation and I think that takes a lot of courage . . . Whatever is supposed to happen will be the best thing for us.”

Referring to an interview that Arquette did with radio host Howard Stern, which aired right after their split was announced (and for which he later apologized), Cox said, “[David] is a kook. It’s not shocking and Howard Stern he loves him and I’m a fan of Howard Stern . . . David is an entertainer and I’m sure the people who listen to the radio are entertained by his stories.”

I wish that whenever I talk about burying hookers in the desert people think I’m just being cute and kooky. I swear the FBI has my number on speed dial and there must be a secret website out there that girls check because the number they give me always goes to Dominoes.

A day after the announcement that he and Courtney Cox were separating, David Arquette went on the Howard Stern show to talk about how he and Courtney haven’t had sex in five months and that he slept with Jasmine Waltz during their break.

David then apologized over Twitter for over-sharing. Later, there were rumors that David was trying to win Courtney back. Well, he sure has a funny way of doing it because he went on Howard Stern again.

He says that he and Courtney don’t have a prenup and he’s had sex with at least one more woman not named Jasmine since their split, an Australian blonde. David also admits he cried after sex. Celebrities. They’re just like us!

“I’m pretty sure I’m up sh**’s creek right now,” he said.

David also admitted he cried when having sex with someone other than his wife (presumably Jasmine) for the first time.

“After the first girl I slept with … a few days later … I was, like, crying,” he said. “It was the end of all the intimacy I shared with my wife. It was like a new thing. It was like … putting that away.”

Correction. Celebrities. They’re almost just like us! Whenever I cry it’s immediately after sex.

In related news, David Arquette did a sexy dance with a midget stripper. I’m not joking. Pictures at the Daily Mail.

David Arquette is allegedly trying to win Courtney Cox back and his master plan involves partying with young starlets like Shenae Grimes and Jessica Stroup of 90210 like he did Saturday at Beacher’s Madhouse in LA. To be fair, Arquette does co-own the venue.

Arquette led the crowd in singing “Happy Birthday” while the girls were presented with a giant cake. Guests included Brittany Snow, Paris and Nicky Hilton and “90210″ co-stars AnnaLynne McCord, Ryan Eggold and Trevor Donovan.

I’m not exactly sure what David’s end game is — maybe he’s trying to make Courtney jealous by banging his way through young Hollywood — but I like his plan.

David Arquette dumped Jasmine Waltz twice. Once when he ended their relationship and now, according to In Touch, when David fired her from his club.

Initially, David hired Jasmine to be the face of his new club at the Hollywood Roosevelt Hotel. A friend said Jasmine had already been fitted for a catsuit uniform and posed for test shots. “David insisted that they hire her to be the face of the club. She was going to model for all the promotions and manage the cocktail servers.”

Days after the split, “He basically let her know that her services weren’t needed anymore,” the friend adds. “She has other jobs, but she’s bummed that he dumped her twice — by ending their romance and then firing her!” So he laid the money on the dresser and told her to GTFO.

If it’s any consolation, Jasmine, at least you got to have sex with David Arquette. Hey, why are you putting your head in your hands and sobbing?

Jasmine Waltz took exception to David Arquette’s Howard Stern interview where he said he only had sex with Jasmine once or twice. She put her palm in the air, made a screeching sound and said “hold up.” She’s now telling friends they had sex tons of times. Maybe hundreds, thousands even.

The woman with whom David Arquette claims to have had sex with “once … maybe twice,” is indignant, telling friends, “Two Times, My Ass!”

Sources are telling TMZ … Jasmine Waltz is indignant, claiming she had sex multiple times with David over the course of more than a month. She’s saying she met David through a mutual friend and started dating.

People associated with David tell us … everything that happened between David and Jasmineoccurred after he separated from Courteney Cox and after they reached an understanding that they could date other people. Jasmine is backing up this story.

It’s funny that Jasmine is so offended that people think she was just a one night stand. She’s no slut. She had sex with him a bunch of times. That’s called a relationship.

David Arquette called in to the Howard Stern Show to explain his separation with Courtney Cox. He mentioned that they haven’t had sex in 4 months starting from a month before they started shooting Scream 4. They drifted apart from there.

Arquette claims Courtney was the one who asked for a trial separation after their 11th wedding anniversary in June. She told David she was “tired of being your mother.”

David adds that he never cheated on Courtney before splitting but says he did have sex with Jasmine Waltz, “his one conquest.” Waltz is a former cocktail waitress who punched Lindsay Lohan inside Voyeur back in July. She’s dated Ryan Seacrest, Chris Pine and Jesse McCartney.

I figure any woman who Ryan Seacrest has been with is essentially ruined for me because there’s no way I can get the image of that little gremlin scurrying on top of a girl out of my head. My penis would just sit there doing the cross motion in the air.

Also, here are some alleged topless shots (NSFW) of Jasmine Waltz. I can’t really tell if it’s her or not but… tits!

In a new report by In Touch Weekly, they reveal that Courtney Cox and David Arquette have split after 11 years of marriage. Says the mag, “In Touch can exclusively reveal Courteney Cox and David Arquette have split. After 11 years of marriage, the Hollywood couple are parting ways.”

TMZ has confirmed that Courtney and David have been separated for months. A source says they’re still friends and maintain a business relationship with each other. They note that no lawyers are involved.

So this is what it’s like to be forced into obscurity. :(