It turns out David Blaine did have Kimbo Slice punch him in the stomach for his Dive of Death special on ABC. Astonishingly, David didn’t crumple to the ground into a fetal position and start sobbing. Aww, boo. What does this mean? Either David Blaine trained specifically for this or Kimbo Slice is over-hyped .

I will admit though, watching Kimbo punch David was satisfying. I only wish he “slipped” and hit him in the face and then continued doing it over and over again until he got tired… which would probably have been in 30 seconds. Video below.

Last night, David Blaine concluded his 60 hours of hanging upside down with a dive. OF DEATH! The whole stunt left people confused as David didn’t really hang upside down for 60 hours in the first place, it was more like sixty 50 minute intervals of kind of hanging upside down, and his dive of death was more like him dropping from a platform before grinding to a halt before he hit the ground and then being carried away by balloons. Huh?

Also included in the special was supposed to be a segment where David Blaine gets punched in the gut by an over-hyped Kimbo Slice. David describes this as how Houdini died. Except it’s not. Houdini died from a ruptured appendix. I didn’t watch the special last night so I don’t know if they aired it or not. Hopefully not because it would be really uncomfortable to watch David cry on camera and one would think it would ruin his whole mystique. Whatever was left of it.

He isn’t. Ta-da. David Blaine promised to hang upside down above Central Park’s ice skating rink for 60 hours straight and use a catheter to relieve himself, but both Gawker and MollyGood have proof that David is a big cheater.

Passerbys reported that David stood upright on a platform to be checked out by EMT’s every hour for 10 minutes and used that time to urinate. Even when David is upside down, he has a harness to hold his head up.

Wow. What an amazing stunt. This will really cement his status as the greatest magician of the 21st century. If Houdini were alive to see this, he’d probably laugh his ass off and call David “the biggest gaylord EVA.”

One more photo after the jump.

Creepy street magician David Blaine will hang upside down above Central Park’s Wollman ice skating rink for 60 hours, completely disregarding doctors’ warnings that he could go blind. Hey, I thought that only happened with masturbation? Until his time is up, Blaine will survive off liquids and use a catheter to pee.

Sounding nasal from sinus pressure, Blaine kept smiling while describing the “enormous push of blood” that made it feel like his head was “about to explode.”

“The legs go pins and needle very fast,” he said, adding that stretches — kind of an upside-down sit-up — seem to help.

Get a clue David. Your next trick could be you being raped by a unicorn and the only thing people would care about is where you found this unicorn and can it fly? Other than that, no one will bat an eye. You could plummet that 44 feet to your death and the only reaction you’d get is anger from the Zamboni guy because he has to clean that shit up.

[Image via Splash News]

David Blaine has done it. He’s set a new world record for holding his breath. He deprived himself of fresh oxygen for 17 minutes and 4 seconds, beating the previous record of 16 minutes and 32 seconds.

“I feel great,” the bearded 35-year-old Brooklyn-born Blaine said when he was pulled to the surface after setting the mark.

“I actually started to doubt I was going to make it because I’d never done it with such a high heart rate,” he added. His aides said during the event that his heart rate should have dropped far lower than it did.

Congratulations, but I don’t care how long you hold your breath. I’m still not buying you a Wii, mister. I don’t care if all your friends have one. If all your friends jumped off a bridge, would you do it too?

David Blaine’s earlier foray into death defying stunts involved accidentally drowning in a giant fishbowl. Sadly, he survived, performed another stunt and is now set to perform the greatest feat known to 6th graders around the world. Staying up past his bedtime. In fact, the world’s most asinine magician is already training to break the world record for most hours without sleep.

“I’m dropping 30 pounds,” he told me. “I do two hours every day on the treadmill. I’m on a raw diet that includes brown rice. No red meat. No animal products besides cooked fish.

To prove this trick is as dangerous as it seems, David tells of Peter Tripp who in 1959 suffered brain damaged after staying awake for eight days. Oh, and there was also that 17-year-old kid who stayed up for 11½ days in 1964 and recovered fully, but PETER TRIPP… BRAIN DAMAGE. Oooooo! David says,

“After 36 hours of sleep deprivation it’s like being drunk, 72 hours and paranoia sets in, Day Four the mind goes into hallucinations and you’re dreaming while awake. The problem is there’s no way to know how to offset brain damage or to train for this because there isn’t sufficient research. I believe the first guy’s mistake was not being in great physical condition. Also he used stimulants to keep awake, which I assume did him in.

They say this might take place in Central Park in May so I plan on going there to sing lullabies to David while I snuggle up with a pillow in my PJ’s next to him. Then if that doesn’t work, I’ll shoot him with enough horse tranquilizer so that his next trick will be to see how long it takes for him to wake up from his extended nap. What? No, that’s not called a coma. That’s called magic!

I sort of passed out for 8 hours. I doubt a whole lot of people are reading this because they’re probably in a food coma, but here’s some other news.

David Blaine completed his latest stunt and didn’t almost die. Well, kind of. He was shackled in a gyroscope 50 feet above Times Square and was given 16 hours to escape. It only took him a few minutes before he escaped, jumped and crashed through the plywood stage. He was able to walk, but appeared woozy and was taken away in a taxi.

Jesse McCartney and girlfriend Katie Cassidy hit up Privledge in L.A. where they partied drinking Grey Goose and Cristal. When he saw his bill was $2,500 he yelled “Holy shit!” Brody Jenner quipped “Welcome to the adult world. That’s what it costs to have fun with the big boys!” Big boys meaning unemployed kids who live off their rich parents’ money.

Jay-Z left Beyonce sitting alone in the car while he partied at Area nightclub. 40 minutes later he came back and joined his girlfriend. Chivalry thy name is Jay-Z.

Street magician David Blaine wants a little more attention so he’s gearing up for his next trick. He’s going to suspend himself from the Brooklyn Bridge by his arms. Blaine is currently practicing on the bridge’s suspension wires. His last trick involved almost drowning in a gigantic goldfish bowl.

Blaine also promises a “spectacular end to the new challenge.” If this “spectacular end” isn’t to fade into obscurity or to let go of the wires, then I still don’t care at all about this.

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