According to The National Enquirer, one reason for the reported $2 million found in his warehouse is that David uses it as hush money. A friend of the alleged victim tells the rag that David invited the 21-year-old victim to a lavish party in the Bahamas only to find out upon arrival that it was a party of two. Feeling uneasy at first, Copperfield convinced her to stay until the next day. The illusionist, armed with the knowledge that women love surprises, then had surprise sex with her. Surprise!

That night, Copperfield forced himself on the woman, holding her arms “down on the bed, leaving her with terrible bruises,” the friend charges.

“She told me she fought back,” the friend says. “But she said that just seemed to turn him on more.”

“After Copperfield had finished with her and left to clean off, the young woman had the presence of mind to use her cell phone to take photos of the crime scene,” according to the tab. “In order to preserve physical evidence, she says she didn’t shower. The next day, she went back home to Seattle, where her mother met her at the airport.”

“They drove straight to the Harborview Medical Center, where medical personnel performed a ‘rape kit’ on her,” the friend told The Enquirer.

Poor David. He can make the Statue of Liberty disappear, but not a rape charge. This guy is worth millions yet he has to trick women into going to the Bahamas. He can learn a thing or two from Criss Angel. Criss has been with women like Cameron Diaz and Britney Spears. Sure, it’s like sleeping with Dumb and Dumber, but, uh, wow, this “magicians get quality tail for free” lecture isn’t turning out the way I had hoped.

It is believed the FBI is investigating David Copperfield because he designed part of his act to be a complicated system of picking up women. One of whom is a Seattle woman accusing him of raping her in the Bahamas.

Sources now tell TMZ Copperfield designed part of his show around “a system for picking up women.” During his show, David goes into the audience and chooses women to come on stage. We’re told that if David likes a girl, he’ll use code words with assistants like “mama” and “secrecy.” The assistants mark the women on a map of the inside of the Hollywood Theater at MGM Grand. After the show, the women are brought backstage — and that’s where the profiling begins.

The women are told that David may use them in his show when he comes to their hometown. They are then photographed with a digital camera, asked questions like, “What is your favorite men’s cologne?” and “Where do you like to vacation?” We’re told one of those vacation spots mentioned by staff is the Bahamas, where the accuser claims she was assaulted. Copperfield owns a cluster of islands in the Bahamas — which he bought for $50 million.

David’s dates are basically three act shows. The first act is introduction, the second act is seduction and the third act is forceful penetration. You’d think it would be easier just to buy a gun and skip to the third act, but no, if you’re David, you have to make it into an elaborate production. He’s like the guy from The Prestige except, instead of filling you with wonder and amazement, he fills you with his semen.

On Thursday, a 12 man FBI team raided magician David Copperfield’s warehouse in an ongoing investigation. The warehouse, fantastically named the International Museum & Library of the Conjuring Arts, is home to “tricks and memorabilia from around the world.” It’s also home to harddrives, digital cameras and $2 million in cash. Copperfield was performing in Indonesia at the time of the raid… or was he. Dun dun dun.

“I can say that there was investigative activity yesterday and yesterday evening in Las Vegas,” Seattle FBI Agent Robbie Burroughs said Thursday, without specifying where the activity took place or who was involved.

“The investigation is related to a Seattle case. The Seattle case is pending and that means we can’t say anything about it,” Burroughs said.

If the FBI discovered the human remains of people David sawed in half, drowned and made “disappear” to perfect his tricks and named him Las Vegas’ most prolific serial killer, that would be hilarious. Wait. Do I mean hilarious or disturbing. Um, I’m gonna stick with hilarious. For now.

Update: The news is reporting this is due to a rape claim. Thanks to two.five.three.two in the comments.

David Copperfield is claiming he found The Fountain of Youth amid the cluster of tiny islands he bought in the Bahamas. How convenient that the famed fountain just so happens to appear on his property he bought for $50 million.

“I’ve discovered a true phenomenon,” he told Reuters in a telephone interview. “You can take dead leaves, they come in contact with the water, they become full of life again. … Bugs or insects that are near death, come in contact with the water, they’ll fly away. It’s an amazing thing, very, very exciting.”

Yea, we get it David. You’re the master illusionist and you can bang any supermodel you want. Is it really necessary to tell people you also hold the key to eternal life? People already think you’re cool or Satan. All you got to do now is not drown yourself in a giant fish bowl like another magician who’s first name is David and everything will be gravy.