That’s the question PEOPLE is asking after Kristen Bell tweeted “My adorable husband, @daxshepard1 voting 4 his favorite american idol. Over and over again.” A rep for Bell says she’s not married and refers to Dax as her “husband” sometimes.

Probably just wishful thinking. What am I saying. They’re getting married for sure. Not like he’ll ever leave her. There’s nowhere to go but down if they split. It’s like if I ever have sex with Scarlett Johansson. I might as well bronze my penis after that.

Kristen Bell, 29 (above), and Dax Shepard, 35 (not above), are engaged. Bell showed off her engagement ring on the red carpet of the Grammys last night. The two have been dating since 2008. She said of Dax way back when, “There is almost nothing, barring a natural disaster, that I would let eat into my time at home, playing Scrabble with Dax or talking to my girlfriends,” she said.

This chick is so boring. Why can’t she at least make something up like she likes to stay up for 24 hours having sex while high on coke. That would be cool. Anything but playing Scrabble with Dax. The guy looks like his vocabulary doesn’t go past one syllable. She must just like winning. That ring isn’t impressive either. Kirsten should have stuck with me. I’d have given her something much cooler. As long as I could find it on the bottom of a Cracker Jack box. They have pink diamond rings on the bottom of those things, right?

During Kristen Bell’s interview with Women’s Health Magazine, we find out she’s boring (she enjoys staying in and playing Scrabble) and that she’s turned Dax Shepard, her boyfriend, into a complete puss.

“I’ve learned the necessity for healthy communication. How important it is to talk about your deepest, darkest fears and feelings. Your partner should hear your most embarrassing insecurities, because once you say them out loud, you’ve created a safe zone.”

“A snuggle party can fix anything—it’s true.”

That Dax sure is a lucky guy. I wonder what they gossip about while they sit around watching Lifetime and braiding each others hair. Is it boys? I bet they talk about boys. That Robert Pattinson sure is dreamy.

Here’s a nice followup to the Leighton Meester sex tape post. By nice, I mean not Tori Spelling in a see-through bikini. It’s Kristen Bell swimming in Hawaii with her douchey boyfriend Dax Shepard.

Although, these pictures are not as sexy as they could be. Yea she’s in a bikini, but because she’s blonde, it looks like she has no eyebrows when she’s in the water. If she was swimming towards you and you only saw the top 1/3 of her head, you’d think you were being chased by a sea monster.

Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard were making out at the beach over the weekend. Well, it’s not so much making out as it was Dax Shepard trying to see how far he could shove his tongue down her throat. He considers that foreplay.

I hope this relationship is part of an elaborate joke that I don’t get. Maybe it’s building up to something big. Like, they’ll take a romantic stroll down a pier, alone, and while they admire the vicious waves crashing into the jagged rocks below, Kristen will push Dax in, laugh and gleefully shriek, “You got Punk’d!” That’s when people will finally get to say, “Oooh, I get it now.”

While the ogre-like Dax Shepard was looking away, Kristen Bell seized the opportunity to flirt with me. Actions speak louder than words and if you translated Kristen’s bent-over-on-all-fours message, it would read in all caps, “Hey, I’m available. Call me, sexy. Kisses.”

Dax Shepard is an average looking guy, mediocre actor and from what I’ve seen, not very funny. Yet, he managed to hook up with Kate Hudson and now Kristen Bell. She even willingly makes out with him in public. All the while I’m stuck here dressing my stuffed animals up like women and failing to even get to third base with them. Fluffles is such a prude. C’mon baby. Just let me touch it. Please?

Kristen Bell is taking Dax Shepard as her New Year’s date to the Raleigh Hotel in Miami. However, she told the event planners that they could put her name or Dax’s name on the announcements, but they can’t put both. Presumably to not build an event off their relationship.

Wait, hold on. Dax Shepard and Kristen Bell? Dax Shepard must have a magic penis or a really well written ransom note because I don’t see how this guy can get Kate Hudson and now Kristen Bell. He’s from Punk’d and looks like someone sewed a pit bull’s head on a human body. Kristen is from Heroes and looks like if I surreptitiously sniffed her hair, I would be engulfed by a beam of warm light from while angels sang heavenly music in the skies. Dax dating Kristen Bell is like doing it with a weed whacker. Yea, it’s possible, but for the love of God, why?

Kate Hudson finally realized who she was dating and has ended it with Dax Shepard. Post Chronicle says Kate broke it off with Dax because she realized how much she loved Owen Wilson after his suicide attempt. NYDN says she just got bored. Meanwhile, In Touch Weekly reports on the one that no one cares about. Dax who?

“Dax is devastated over losing Kate. He will do anything to win her back.”

Oh, Dax. Any misguided attempt at proving your love will only make you seem more desperate and desperation is unattractive. I would know. One time, I tried to win a girl back like John Cusack in Say Anything. Except, I was a little bit more creative. Instead of holding a stupid boombox over my head, I carved “I love you,” into my stomach and pressed it against her window at night while she was watching a movie with her new boyfriend. Surprisingly, she didn’t take me back. Women are such a mystery.