Star Magazine did the equivalent of shouting fire in a crowded theater when they announced Snooki was pregnant in the upcoming issue of Star. An insider presumably said, “She is pregnant and has only told her closest friends and some family. She’s been telling people that she has a big announcement coming.”

They try to backup their claim by highlighting posts on her Facebook and Twitter which read, “I feel sick,” and “Late night craving… yogurt hits the fricken spot!” Though, this could just amount to her being a little fatty.

Anyway, Snooki went on Opie & Anthony this morning to flat out deny the rumors. This combined with the fact that the gates of Hell have not opened is all the proof I need.

That is if you believe Vanessa Paradis. Recent reports claimed Johnny Depp and Vanessa were splitting. Now Vanessa is flat out denying the rumors.

Making the publicity rounds for her new movie, Café de Flore, Paradis offered a clear statement to French television program Grand Journal on the subject after giving a vague response to the U.K.’s Daily Mail.

“Yes it’s false! Of course it’s false!” the 39-year-old singer-actress said when pressed about reports she had split with Depp, 48. E! Online

Depp has yet to confirm or deny any rumors and why should he. It makes having sex with other women much harder. Right now he can just say, “You hear those rumors of me and Vanessa splitting?,” and leave it at that.

A report by TMZ over the weekend claimed a divorce between Heidi Klum and Seal was imminent. But if Us Weekly and PEOPLE are to be believed, it’s not happening. Though the couple has hit a rough patch, they have no plans to split just yet, claims the two publications.

“Nothing is finalized or for sure. Seal flew back from the UK yesterday and he and Heidi are in the house together now,” friend close to the couple tells Us. “They’ve had a very rough road lately. They’re either madly in love or having crazy fights.”

The friend goes on to say that the couple’s recent trip to Aspen was full of tension, adding “they fought a lot. It was a very hard trip.” Us Weekly

PEOPLE seconded the two’s bipolar relationship reiterating that there’s no divorce yet.

Contrary to reports that surfaced Saturday, “They’ve been fighting a lot lately, but they have no plans to announce a split right now,” the source says. “They’re not divorcing.”

But they have been weathering a rough patch.

According to the insider, in recent months, distance has tested the famously lovey-dovey pair.

Back together at their Brentwood, Calif., home on Saturday, “they seem to be doing a lot better,” the source adds. “They’re both wearing their wedding bands.” PEOPLE

Aw, hell no. I already broke out the massage oils and bath bombs as part of my master plan for comforting Heidi Klum in her time of need. Plus, I’ve been doing shoulder shrugs for the past hour to give her something substantial to cry on. Next time Heidi decides to save her marriage, she should quit being so selfish and think about me first.

Rumors of Avril Lavigne and Brody Jenner’s demise have been greatly exaggerated. Avril and Brody both took to Twitter to deny the split reported by Us Weekly.

Jenner tweeted, “It really upsets me to read all the FALSE!! stories. Avril has always been there for me and is the closest person to my heart. I love her.”

Afterward, Lavigne responded, “luv u 2!!! @BrodyJenner.”

Whew. I was in the fetal position in my shower rocking back and forth in disbelief BroLavigne had ended. “I’ve never cared so much about anything in my life!,” I screamed at my roommate banging on the door because I was making him late for work. Now I can rest easy knowing these two are still together. Crisis. Averted.

Reports last week said staff at St. Luke’s Roosevelt Hospital were gearing up for a big VIP who booked half the floor of the hospital’s luxury Labor and Delivery Suite. The assumption was it was Beyonce but there was always some doubt because she didn’t make a big spectacle about it like turning her hospital bed towards an open window so the whole world could see the baby come out of her.

Looks like our doubts were not unfounded because NYDN says Beyonce and Jay-Z had a quiet New Year’s Eve dinner at Buttermilk Channel in Brooklyn and Beyonce still had her enhanced baby bump. Solange, feeling a little left out, tweeted a confirmation, “Shout out to my sister for being THE cutest pregnant woman ever!” If she thinks that, then, clearly, Solange has been locked in the basement a little too long.

For whatever reason, after appearing at the CNN Heroes event with what appeared to be cleavage, people began speculating whether or not Miley Cyrus’ boobs were real. Apparently they are. According to Miley Cyrus.

Cyrus tweeted yesterday, “Thank you for the compliment but these babies are all mine. I wish they’d realize you don’t have to be fake to be beautiful!”

Oh, really? I’ll be the judge of that. *Makes squeezing motion in air with both hands, shakes head back and forth between imaginary breasts, goes pffttbbbbbb* Don’t worry, I’m a trained professional.

Katy Perry shot down rumors that she was pregnant at the American Music Awards. She told Hollyscoop, “Hell, no!,” when asked whether she’s going to have kids anytime soon.

Pregnancy rumors started flying around again when people noticed a food baby pushing out her AMAs outfit. Turns out she was just pregnant with the most delicious baby of them all, In-N-Out. She told The Insider, “I like In-N-Out Burger and Taco Bell and if you want to make that pregnant that’s your problem.” She also said she loves drinking too much to get pregnant.

Russell Brand found the perfect woman. Hot, at least when she wears makeup (yikes), doesn’t want kids anytime soon and likes to party. Coincidentally, those are the three of the four qualities I require of a girl in my fake Craigslist model search posting. The fourth is “can keep mouth shut.”

Kristin Cavallari shot back at rumors that she had an affair with Scott Disick saying not even her ex-fiance believed the report “for one second.” And trust her, Jay Cutler will believe anything. On The Billy Bush Show Cavallari said, “It’s 100 percent not true.”

“I just think, what convenient timing for them with their show premiering next week. With everything that’s going on for Kim, I feel like they’re trying to take the heat off her,” she said. “When there’s a big story like that, they always call you and ask if you want to comment and clearly none of them denied it.”

“It’s disrespectful to me and Jay,” Cavallari added, “and I think it just says a lot about their character.” Us Weekly

No one would put it past Kim’s team fabricating this story to distract from the bad press caused by Kim divorcing after 72 days of marriage. This denial should have come much sooner though. If I was a reality show star, I’d have a Google alert specifically for my name and Scott Disick. I wouldn’t want to be mentioned in the same sentence as that d-bag much less be linked to an affair with him. I’d rather that story say I enjoy eating cat poop rather than claim I slept with American Psycho over there.

Before his Today concert, Justin Bieber sat down with the hosts of the show and denied ever even meeting the woman who’s claiming that she took his virginity and that he fathered her baby in a bathroom back stage at his concert.

“Never met the woman,” he says.

“I’d just like to say, basically, that none of those allegations are true,” the “Baby” singer, speaking before his Today concert Friday, told the hosts of the NBC show after being asked about the story.

“I know that I’m going to be a target, but I’m never going to be a victim,” Bieber, 17, added.

“It’s crazy,” Bieber said on Today. “Every night after the show I’m gone right from the stage right to the car, so it’s crazy that some people want to make such false allegations.”

He added, “To set the record straight, none of it is true.” PEOPLE

Yea, Mariah Yeater is nuts but Bieber might want to think of a better defense than never being backstage after a show. And hopefully Justin Bieber isn’t banking on the myth that you can’t get a woman pregnant from your first time because, if moving to another state, changing my name and growing a mustache has taught me anything, it’s that the myth does not have any truth to it. At all.

Us via Lainey reported that Scarlett Johansson and Joseph Gordon-Levitt were out on a date in New York. This elicited an “aww” from everyone. Joseph seems like a great guy and Scarlett has a fantastic personality (cups hands under breasts).

Anyway, Celebuzz had to be the buzzkill and ask Joseph’s rep about it. Joseph’s rep pretty much killed the rumor saying “Joseph wasn’t even in NYC the night that Us Weekly is reporting they were spotted together.”

I’m telling you, it was probably Carlos Gordon-Levitt. *Puts finger above lip again*

James Marsden’s publicist has denied reports that James is the father of January Jones’ baby after a possibly manufactured blind item came out causing everyone to think that was the case. According to his publicist Tara, the rumor is “totally false.”

So the father still remains a mystery. We need Maury Povich on this. He’s like the Encyclopedia Brown of secret dads.

Early this week, TV Week Australia purported to have an interview with David Boreanaz in which he said telling his wife about his affair was a bonding experience.

As it turns out, that interview never happened. Those quotes were from a press conference from Bones taken out of context.

“David did not talk directly to TV Week,” his rep said. “His recent quotes were from a press conference on behalf of Bones and taken out of context.” E! Online

I guess having an affair with Rachel Uchitel, Tiger’s mistress, did not strengthen their marriage. Weird. I really thought it would have.

Beyonce finally addressed the clip of her belly folding in on itself during Sunday Night HD that sparked rumors that she wore a fake bump to make her belly more pronounced. Her publicist tells ABC that the prosthetic belly reports are “stupid, ridiculous and false.”

Granted, Beyonce didn’t really explain why her belly crumpled (loose clothes + trick of light?). Maybe she has one of those collapsible fetuses you can buy from Sky Mall.