Well it’s about time. Avril has been partying on yachts, shoving liquor down her throat, shoving liquor down other people’s throats and ballooning in weight for the past few months while Deryck Whibley stayed home and banged on a coconut trying to get it open. Today, she finally got around to filing for divorce. The reason is the ubiquitous “irreconcilable differences”. On her website, she wrote:

Deryck and I have been together for 6 and a half years. We have been friends since I was 17, started dating when I was 19, and married when I was 21. I am grateful for our time together, and I am grateful and blessed for our remaining friendship. I admire Deryck and have a great amount of respect for him. He is the most amazing person I know and I love him with all my heart. Deryck and I are separating and moving forward on a positive note.

Thank you to all my family, friends and fans for all your support. [AvrilLavigne.com]

Radar reports that Avril and Deryck have been separated since September 4. Avril has requested the court terminate Whilbey’s right to spousal support. She has also requested Deryck be moved to a nicer habitat. One where he can be with his own kind. Where drinking your own pee isn’t frowned upon.

After spending all three years of her marriage cheating on her hobbit husband with strangers at clubs, Avril Lavigne has finally set Deryck Whibley free of her infested snatch. Us reports, “Divorce papers will be filed any day now” and that Deryck is “crushed”.

Don’t worry, Deryck. Time heals all wounds and Valtrex will take care of the rest. That’s what I’ve seen on commercials anyway. I don’t know first hand because I’m a winner. And winners don’t suffer the consequences of having a dirty wife.

On a completely unrelated note, if you happen to come over anytime soon, I’d appreciate if you didn’t look through my medicine cabinet. Thanks.

[Ed. Note: If Avril asked me if that dress makes her look fat, I'd say, "yes" and shove a treadmill in her face.]

It seemed like only yesterday Avril Lavigne, 25, and Deryck Whibley, 29, were spitting at and flipping off the paparazzi. Alas, the honeymoon might be over. Avril has been out as of late partying without the cro-magnon. Not just regular partying either, but having alcohol poured down her throat by strange men partying. Gatecrasher says,

A spy at celebrity eatery Georgica indeed saw Lavigne getting away – but hardly spending any time alone. Instead, says the onlooker, she was partying hard and hanging with a number of male admirers. Only later in the evening did Lavigne get paranoid about what the nearby paparazzi may have captured on film. “She kept running up to the photographers and asking to see the pictures they took,” says one partygoer. (We’ve noticed that those photos have mysteriously disappeared from at least one site on which they were posted.)

Lavigne continued her Saturday night at another Hamptons hot spot, Axe Lounge, where she danced the night – and perhaps her rocky marriage – away.

The time is coming when Avril will be without a partner in crime. Maybe she won’t regret it now, in a week or even a year, but one day she’ll remember back to when they used to spit on photogs. She’ll attempt to recreate that fond memory only to be overcome by sadness mid-spit leaving the accumulated saliva to dribble down her chin while she looks out her rolled down window longingly. Sigh, two middle fingers just don’t feel the same.

Photos from when Avril was in St. Tropez.

Avril Lavigne is pretty. Annoying, but pretty. Deryck Whibley, not so much. It’s safe to say evolution left him behind. Like, if he and evolution were playing hide-and-seek, evolution would have gotten in its car and sped away before Deryck counted to 10. That’s why it’s a shock to see his hands all over Avril’s ass and breasts. Normally, the only time you’d see a pretty girl let a guy like this molest her without screaming for help is after he hit her over the head with a club, dragged her to his cave, chained her to a rock and threatened to kill her family. Although, Avril does look unconscious in the header photo. So, maybe that’s an accurate description of what happened?

Usually I wouldn’t care that this idiot spat on someone, but now it’s happened three nights in a row if you include her husband/pet. The first two nights, Tuesday and Wednesday, photogs saw Avril Lavigne spitting on them with one loogie hitting a paparazzi in the face. On the third night, Deryck Whibley joined in and hit a photog in the glasses.

The photog ran up to a police officer and reported it, but the officer didn’t care even though spitting on someone is illegal here. What the paparazzi should have done is spat back in Avril Lavigne’s face, then the police would care. It’s also worth a mention that while she was leaving the club, she let out a barrage of “fuck you’s” and thought it would be funny to write “fuck you” on the pictures of autograph seekers. The unfunny part is when someone elbows her in the mouth. Well, unfunny for her.

Deryck Whibley spitting on the third night is understandable. It’s not his fault orangutans are prone to imitate humans. These two should go back to what they do best, writing shitty music. Signed, The World.

Avril Lavigne marrying Deryck Whibley was just a rumor on Friday, but I was right because it happened. The outdoor wedding was held in Montecito and sounded pretty tame. Sadly, there was no mention of a circus. I guess eating live chickens and getting laid by the bearded lady cheapens a wedding. Go figure. It’s said their first dance was to Goo Goo Dolls’ “Iris”. That would be a great to dance to, if this were Dawson’s Creek.

I’m still pretty interested in the fact that Avril might be pregnant. I’ve always wanted to see what it would be like for an 8 pound baby to come out of a 50 pound girl.