Most women who get breast implants admit that they did it because big tits are way better. Dita Von Teese on the other hand says she needed them. Dita says she had 32D implants at age 21 because her drug use ravaged her breasts.

I was a bit of a party girl in the early ’90s and used LSD and Ecstasy. Eventually my weight dropped to 6st 7lbs and I looked terrible, so I gave up drugs. My breasts never recovered, so when I was 21 I had 32D implants. Now I’m a healthy 8st 2lbs.”

Fascinating. So what Dita is trying to say is women should have their body ravaged by drugs more often. She is very wise.

Old NSFW photo shoot of Dita Von Teese and Alley Baggett here.

What the hell? The picture on the left is supposed to be Evan Rachel Wood at the AFI Fest screening of The Wrestler but I swear it’s Dita Von Teese (right). Although I can see how it can be mistaken for a very psychopathic Evan Rachel Wood slowly losing her mind.

Rachel dated Marilyn Manson (just like Dita) for a while and broke up with him recently (just like Dita). Now she’s dressing like Dita, doing her makeup like Dita and styling her hair just like Dita.

If I was Dita, I’d start to be a little worried. Especially if Rachel comes up to her and asks to be her roommate. If Rachel does move in and a new puppy they buy is mysteriously thrown out the window, then it’s seriously time to call the cops before Rachel orally rapes her boyfriend while he’s sleeping.

Photos are of Evan Rachel Wood and then Dita Von Teese. Spot the differences.

This is old news from months ago, but for some reason The Sun is reporting on it today. I’m going to go with it because I haven’t written about it yet. I don’t think.

A porno featuring Dita Von Teese, a blond and a double-sided dildo surfaced yesterday (Very NSFW video here). The burlesque dancer, real name Heather Sweet, filmed the movie before she became famous and way before she became the new face of Wonderbra. The Sun says

It is a blow to Wonderbra who only launched her as the new face of their famous push-up bra last month.

They hoped Dita — real name Heather Sweet — would enhance the company’s clean-cut image by designing her own limited edition collection.

This can only help Wonderbra. This way when people are asked about the bra that magically increases your bust size they’ll think of Dita Von Teese in double-sided dildo action and get all horny. The only problem with this is men don’t wear bras. They just sniff them and occasionally jerk off into them. So I guess I was wrong. This probably won’t help Wonderbra at all.

Update: Download full NSFW clip here.

Photographers these days no longer want to simply photograph a topless model. They want to be creative. They want their photos to be meaningful, powerful, spiritual. They want to cover models like Dita Von Teese with silver paint and send a message. Devil may care how vague it is. To this I say, stop. Just, stop. I like my topless women topless. I don’t want to be staring at a picture with my pants around my ankles trying to figure out whether I’m about to whack off to a chick with really big boobs or a creepy, life-like robot invented by some super smart Japanese researcher.

By eating only protein and small amounts of steamed vegetables, Dita Von Teese has fattened herself up to a 16 inch waist size. A waist smaller than that of a three-year-old. Dita seems very proud of herself for cutting off those pesky 5 inches.

‘I love the feeling, though. It’s like being completely tight.’

Seriously. That’s disgusting. You have children in third world countries starving for food and Dita is here stuffing her fat face with a king’s feast. For just one cent a day she could be sponsoring an impoverished child. Celebrities are so selfish.

Sources say Dita Von Teese will soon be surprise serving Marilyn Manson with divorce papers after a year of marriage. She cites the usual irreconcilable differences and claims she filed this before Christmas.

Friends say Manson had been boozing heavily last year, much to Von Teese’s dismay, but she’d desperately tried to hold on. “She really tried to make this work,” the friend said.

Who gets married to a walking joke anyway. The guy tries to be shocking when all he is is a depressed drunk. He’s like one of those cheap disguises at a novelty shop. It’s fun for the first minute, but then you just throw it away in disgust asking yourself why you thought it was cool. Dita, on the other hand, is a fame whore who I’ve never paid attention to. A “burlesque” dancer which means she gets off on teasing men. Yea she’s been naked with a clothed Scarlett Johansson before, but who cares. She could have sparklers for nipples or an ass that breathes fire and I would just roll my eyes and twirl my finger in the air.