DMX showed up in Maricopa County court where he decided it’d be much easier pleading guilty four times to three different cases right then and there instead of having to shuffle back and forth. The breakdown of the three cases are as follows (according to TMZ):

1. Guilty to one count of cruelty to animals and one count of possession of narcotic drugs.
2. Guilty to theft.
3. Guilty to possession of marijuana.

DMX, real name Earl Simmons, will be sentenced on Jan. 30 where he is expected to be given 90 days in jail with no credit for time served. Any probation violation could net him 10 years in jail.

Sources say that when DMX left the courtroom, he was shouting something about how two wrongs made a right and that meant he was doubly right and that the judge could suck it. I’m not sure how well that worked out, but if those tasers that made him go into convulsions were any indication, then not good.

At his Tuesday hearing, DMX cussed out Judge Lawrence Schwartz after having his bond denied. Lawrence responded, “Oh that just ingratiated you to me. I’ve never heard the “f’ word before so it’s okay,” and warned DMX’s lawyer that his reaction didn’t help prove he’s a good guy. The lawyer just giggled like a schoolgirl.

Having a fuck you attitude is the best way to get what you want in court. Next time he should consider spitting into the camera and kicking the bailiff in the balls. That always seems to work for me.

XXL Mag interviewed spiritual rapper DMX last week and asked him about the presidential race. More specifically, his thoughts on Barack Obama.

Are you following the presidential race?
Not at all.

You’re not? You know there’s a Black guy running, Barack Obama and then there’s Hillary Clinton.
His name is Barack?!

Barack Obama, yeah.
Barack?!

Barack.
What the fuck is a Barack?! Barack Obama. Where he from, Africa?

Yeah, his dad is from Kenya.
Barack Obama?

Yeah.
What the fuck?! That ain’t no fuckin’ name, yo. That ain’t that nigga’s name. You can’t be serious. Barack Obama. Get the fuck outta here.

You’re telling me you haven’t heard about him before.
I ain’t really paying much attention.

I mean, it’s pretty big if a Black…
Wow, Barack! The nigga’s name is Barack. Barack? Nigga named Barack Obama. What the fuck, man?! Is he serious? That ain’t his fuckin’ name. Ima tell this nigga when I see him, “Stop that bullshit. Stop that bullshit” [laughs] “That ain’t your fuckin’ name.” Your momma ain’t name you no damn Barack.

So you’re not following the race. You can’t vote right?
Nope.

Is that why you’re not following it?
No, because it’s just—it doesn’t matter. They’re gonna do what they’re gonna do. It doesn’t really make a difference. These are the last years.

But it would be pretty big if we had a first Black president. That would be huge.
I mean, I guess…. What, they gon’ give a dog a bone? There you go. Ooh, we have a Black president now. They should’ve done that shit a long time ago, we wouldn’t be in the fuckin’ position we in now. With world war coming up right now. They done fucked this shit up then give it to the Black people, “Here you take it. Take my mess.”

Wait. Wait. Hold on. Barack Obama is black?!

Rest of the interview here and it’s just as enthralling.

Michael Vick isn’t the only dog-friendly celebrity. DMX is too! Evidence has been uncovered at the once famous rapper’s Arizona place of residence of animal abuse. Three dead dogs, one of which “seemed to be burned, a large amount of weapons, drug paraphernalia and cars without matching license plates were found.

“Earl had a caretaker, who obviously wasn’t taking care. Earl loves those dogs.”

I’m sure there’s a reasonable explanation for this. The dogs probably died from happiness and one was so happy that a rainbow burned straight through its body.