That old, leather, silicone filled catcher’s mitt known as Donatella Versace spoke with LOVE magazine about how she doesn’t believe in natural beauty.

“I don’t even know what my natural colour is. Natural? What is natural? What is that? I do not believe in totally natural for women. For me, natural has something to do with vegetables.”

Of course. Did she even have to say it? Every time she takes a shower, the water turns orange. She’s been injected more times than Jose Canseco. Her heart pumps silicone instead of blood. You might as well put a sticker on her that says “Made in Italy”. This is about as surprising as Lady Gaga admitting she dresses for shock value.

Look! Look! Hark the herald angels. It’s Donatella Versace in a bikini. So sexy. What with her leathery skin, fake boobs and really weird looking mouth that belongs on a corpse rather than a human. Damn if this isn’t the hottest thing you’ve ever seen. Welcome to Horny Town, population: you.

Ugh. I could only will myself to post one.

Jesus, there’s a lot of Anna Nicole stuff. Thankfully, these news bits have nothing to do with her.

• Fun facts about Kim Kardashian. In addition, she also enjoys being peed on. [Evil Beet]
• Mischa Barton might star on ER. [Celebitchy]
• I can’t believe it. Norbit is out. Will it be everything I hoped for? [Pajiba]
• Ryan Phillippe on the split from Reese Witherspoon. [About]
• Sheryl Crowe and Lance Armstrong back together? [Celebrity Smack]
• Fergie and Brooke Hogan juxta-pose. [CityRag]
• Nicky Hilton’s “O” could be in deep trouble. [MollyGood]
• Eva Mendes does bikini shoot. [Bastardly]
• Ryan Cabrera’s new look. [Glitterati]
• Halle Berry pregnant? [Yeeeah!]
• A.J. Discalia likes them young. [ASL]
• Tom Cruise has an expensive bed. [Celebslam]
• Donatella Versace on Jimmy Kimmel. [Popbytes]
• American Idol all-stars special? [SOW]
• Britney Murphy does ballet. [Drunken Stepfather]
• Camerion Diaz is nice, but still creepy. [Derek Hail]

Donatella Versace is so disturbing to look at even Medusa would shield her eyes. If someone forced me to choose between this thing or Stacy Ferguson, I would fall to my knees and scream “WHY?! WHY!!” while I looked around for the nearest building to throw myself off of. God forbid I couldn’t find one, but plan b is to bang my head into the pavement until I forget.