Life isn’t all butterscotch and unicorns for Ryan Gosling. The man every woman wants love letters from and the man every other man wants to have a warm glass of milk with once was slapped with a DUI. Gasp. Not our Ryan Gosling!

Back in 2005, Gosling was arrested by the LA CHP for drunk driving. Ryan pleaded “no contest” to a misdemeanor charge of “exhibiting speed” even though he was originally charged with “driving under the influence of alcohol and/or drugs” and “driving with a blood alcohol content of 0.08 or greater.”

He was sentenced to two years probation and ordered to pay $849 in fines.

Ryan no doubt negotiated the lesser “exhibiting speed” plea bargain by raising his two fingers in the air and promising to never do it again. Scouts honor. Aww, case dismissed!

Here he is filming Gangster Squad with Emma Stone.

According to reports, girl who was famous because she was banging Lindsay Lohan, Samantha Ronson, was popped for DUI Monday morning outside Baker, California, home of the world’s largest thermometer and delicious gyro pit stop. Ronson was on her way back from Vegas at 10:30 AM in her Porsche when she was pulled over for speeding.

She failed a field sobriety test and refused a “roadside blow.” Hey officer, don’t you know she isn’t into dudes? Oh, TMZ says a “roadside blow” is a less-scientific breathalyzer which isn’t mandatory. Um hm. Sure, it’s not mandatory, but if you put your mouth on it, it couldn’t hurt. C’mon baby, it don’t bite.

Anyway, once at the Baker substation, Ronson blew over the legal limit. She no doubt had to sober up there. Which sucks because have you ever been to Baker? The only thing there are the two things I already mentioned. A giant thermometer and a place that sells Greek food. I’d rather live inside Paris Hilton’s womb than go there.

Flo Rida, 31, was drinking at a birthday party at Dream nightclub in Miami until 3 a.m. when he got into his $1.7 million Bugatti and drove home. Suffice to say, he was pulled over at around 3:30 a.m. and cited for DUI when cops noticed him swerving in his lane.

During the stop, cops smelled alcohol on him and asked to do a field sobriety test. They wanted Flo to walk a straight line. Flo wanted none of that. He told the cop, “Officer, I can’t do this. I don’t feel I can walk a straight line. I had a few drinks. Let’s try another test.”

Anyway, Flo Rida tried to convince the cop he could “make it home.” Guess how well that went? He was arrested and taken to a nearby station where he blew .185, twice the legal limit.

Does bargaining for field sobriety tests ever work? It’s a dead giveaway for being drunk when you start saying stuff like, “Hey, I know. Let’s do a test where you close your eyes for 2 minutes and let me drive off. How about that, officer?” And then proceed to back up into the cruiser.

Continuing her downward spiral, Christina Aguilera and her boyfriend Matthew Rutler were arrested for public intoxication early Tuesday morning in West Hollywood. To be fair, she didn’t do anything wrong besides let her drunk boyfriend drive her home.

At around 2:45 a.m., cops noticed Matthew driving erratically and pulled him over. They determined he was drunk and arrested him for misdemeanor DUI. Cops also noticed Christina was “extremely intoxicated” and since she couldn’t take care of herself, they took her in for public intoxication. Her booking sheet lists her as 5’2” and 100 lbs.

According to the L.A. County Sheriff’s Department, Rutler’s bail was set at $5,000.

However, the source adds, “If the driver had NOT been arrested for DUI, [Christina] would have never been in trouble.”

Sources close to Xtina tell us they have been trying to get the singer into a rehab program for weeks.

Next time the cops should have fun with her and draw a penis on her face with Sharpie. I’m not sure how that would help but it couldn’t hurt.

Jaime Pressly, whose best role will always be Poison Ivy: The New Seduction, was arrested Wednesday night on suspicion of drunk driving. Jaime was stopped by police at around 11 PM after she committed a traffic violation.

Police administered a field sobriety test. She obviously failed because she was arrested and booked on suspicion of DUI.

Jaime was taken to Santa Monica jail and her bail set to $15,000, $10,000 above the normal DUI bail.

TMZ says the only time bail is set that high is if there was a child in the car, there was a car accident or the driver’s blood-alcohol level is higher than .15. Neither a child was in the car or an accident occurred.

Pressly will most likely face hard time. “1,000 straight hours of petting puppies and kittens,” the LA court judge will say stroking his handlebar mustache.

Kristin Cavallari’s mother was arrested for a DUI in Chicago last month during a 2 AM Subway run. Kristin’s mom, Judith Spies, was pulled over and field sobriety tested while Kristin sat in the passenger seat demanding the cops get her water.

Police in Barrington, Illinois confirm Kristin’s mom — Judith Spies (that’s her mug shot above) — was pulled over at a DUI checkpoint at 2:15 AM late last month. Law enforcement sources tell us Kristin was riding shotgun at the time, and apparently she was a pretty hungry passenger.

We’re told Kristin insisted on fleeing to a nearby Subway and yelled at cops to get her water while Mom went through field sobriety testing with officers. As one source put it, “Subway might be open in ‘The Hills’ but not here in Barrington at 2 AM.”

In Kristin’s defense, the police motto is “to protect and serve.” So where’s the god damn service? Kristin is so going to give the Barrington PD a one star review on Yelp for this.

Vince Neil, Mötley Crüe, was busted for DUI this morning in Las Vegas. He is in Clark County Jail with bail set at $2,000. Neil’s wife is going to Vegas right now to bail him.

TMZ says that earlier in the evening, Vince smashed a woman’s camera after she took his picture. Cops were already on the lookout for him after he left his restaurant, Tres Rios Cantina, which is how he was popped for DUI.

This Vince Neil is a smart guy. Maybe he could have snorted a line of coke while he was being arrested and then kicked the cop in the balls since it seemed like he was playing, “What are the worst decisions I can make tonight?”

Chris Klein was busted for this morning for DUI on the 101 freeway in Los Angeles at 3:13 AM. He was arrested after failing a field sobriety test. The police report says Klein was, “observed weaving from the #3 lane into the #2 and #4 lane westbound US 101 at Woodman Ave.”

Klein blew a .20, three times the legal limit of .08. No other passengers were in the car except for his dog. It would have been safer if he had his dog drive.

This is the second DUI for Klein. His first was back in 2004. Because of that, he may serve jail time. Four days if convicted which will translate to 30 minutes in LA time. TMZ says that a new law goes into effect in July which would apply to Klein if he’s convicted. The law requires multiple DUI offenders to have an “ignition interlock system” installed in their car. He basically has to pass a breathalyzer for his car to start.

This isn’t surprising if you remember that leaked audition tape for Mama Mia! He looked high as hell. Be glad he wasn’t on whatever it was he was on back then. Not only would he have been swerving around on the 101, he would have been belting out songs from Mama Mia! and then the cops would have had to legally shoot him.

Last Friday, David Hasselhoff was taken to the hospital after allegedly suffering a seizure at his home in Encino. Radar says he was drinking heavily and that he was 5150′d. They say the binge he was on caused the seizure. David was released Monday following two days in the hospital. People close to him now want to force him into rehab.

But wait. It gets better. David’s ex-wife, Pamela Bach, was arrested in Van Nuys last night for DUI. She blew a .13 and .14. She told TMZ,

“I am remorseful and mortified. I am going through a really difficult time between David being in the hospital and dealing with the divorce (they divorced in 2007).”

This is Bach’s second DUI of the year. The first being in March where she pled no contest and was put on probation. But this is LA so there will be no real repercussions even though TMZ says a second DUI is supposed to get you mandatory jail time. Maybe TMZ isn’t explaining it right. In celebrity speak, “mandatory jail time” means they’ll give Pamela a new Ferrari from the impound lot and also give her a private 911 number to call for the next time she’s drunk. That way a cop will show up to chauffeur her home in his squad car so she won’t have to deal with the pesky media.

Stephanie Pratt, not to be confused with anyone of importance, was arrested for DUI early Sunday morning at around 3:45 AM in Hollywood. A source tells TMZ cops watched Stephanie get into her car and were waiting to bust her after she left Holly Montag’s birthday party. Her bail is set at $5,000.

But that’s not the worst part. The worst part is this doesn’t change the fact that she’s still Spencer Pratt’s sister. Sorry, Stephanie. As they say, putting yourself in a drunken stupor to forget you’re a Pratt: temporary, your douchebag brother: forever. Something like that.

Burn Notice‘s Jeffrey Donovan was charged with one count of DUI after running a stop sign and plowing into a Miami Beach PD’s cruiser. If convicted, he could get 6 months in jail. But don’t worry, he won’t be charged with anything. He’s got a pretty good excuse.

When Donovan finally stopped, he didn’t serve himself well when he said, “Sorry, I didn’t see the red light or your stopped car.”

The officer says he smelled a strong odor of alcohol, asked Donovan if he had anything to drink and got this answer: “I had three drinks at the Fontainebleau.”

Donovan flunked a field sobriety test and was taken into custody. That’s when he said, “The only mistake I made tonight was drinking Benadryl with 3 glasses of wine.”

Donovan also said, “I really think I’m only borderline and not too drunk.” The judge will be most impressed with his honesty and Benadryl does make you drowsy after 3 glasses of alcohol. Who’s really to blame? Jeffrey Donovan who was so drunk he ran a stop light and hit a police car or the makers of Benadryl? In my opinion, it’s Benadryl who should be on trial. Jeffrey is the victim here.

Charles Barkley’s blood alcohol test came back and it says he was DUI positive. He’s terminal. Terminally retarded.

Arizona police say Barkley was driving with a BAC of .149, almost twice the legal limit, when he was pulled over. As it turns out, driving drunk and running a stop sign because you were in a hurry to get the best head you’d ever had from your passenger isn’t a valid excuse because the former NBA star is due in court January 20.

The severity of his punishment will be based on how hot the girl is. If the girl gives the judge an erection, Barkley will do community service. If the judge goes “woof,” Barkley will spend 5 hours in jail. At least, that’s how the justice system works in my head.

Yesterday, Charles Barkley was pulled over by Arizona state police for driving under the influence. Now, new details have emerged which paint a clearer picture as to why Barkley was in such a hurry. According to a report filed by the cop who pulled him over, Barkley ran a stop sign because he was in a rush to get a blow job from the girl he picked up.

According to the officer who wrote the report, “He told me that he ran the stop sign because he was in a hurry to pick up the girl I saw get in the passenger seat.”

The officer continues: “He asked me to admit that she was ‘hot.’ He asked me, ‘You want the truth?’ When I told him I did he said, ‘I was gonna drive around the corner and get a b**w job. He then explained that she had given him a ‘b**w job’ one week earlier and said it was the best one he had ever had in his life.”

The report also alleges that later at the station, Barkley tried to woo an employee out of his DUI by promising “I’ll tattoo my name on your ass.” He then laughed, corrected himself and said, “I’ll tattoo your name on my ass.”

In Barkley’s defense, all the blood probably rushed out of his head and into his crotch causing him to become irrational. He probably shouldn’t have tried to “bribe” the employee in such a straightforward manner either. It would have been wiser to imply it. Like, tell the guy, “I’ll do anything to get out of this DUI, officer,” and then do that thing where you grip an imaginary penis and push your tongue against your cheek.