There’s been news of Dustin Diamond’s tell-all for quite some time, but Us Weekly recently got a sneak peek into what may or may not be unsavory behavior of his co-stars while on set. It’s hard to tell as Diamond is like a 12-year-old girl when it comes to sharing secrets. He can’t exactly tell you, but if you guess it then it’s not like he is telling you, right?

“I could smell a certain ‘smoke,’ wafting from from the crack” underneath his castmates’ dressing rooms, says Diamond, 32, who played the dork Screech.”

“If Kelly [Tiffani Thiessen] was interested in Slater [Mario Lopez] one week, then backstage there was a lot going between them in Mario [Lopez]‘s room,” he tells the new Us Weekly. “Then, if Jessie [Elizabeth Berkley] kisses Zack, then you know Elizabeth Berkley is going in Mark-Paul’s room.”

Screech, if you’re going to write a tell-all, I’m going to need some details. What was the certain smoke? Was it Elizabeth Berkley’s peach scented incense? Were pork chop sandwiches burning? What was Tiffani doing in Mario’s room? Were they rehearsing lines? Or are you implying they were doing lines? Either man up and specifically tell the secret or don’t. God has graced me with the skill of part-time writing, Screech, not solving the vague revelations in your book.

Dustin Diamond is a friendly guy. Just watch this clip from Celebrity Fit Club and see how he soothes the angry man yelling at him. Yea, nice and calm like a Barry Manilow album. I could have sex to this. By the way, I’ve never seen this show so I have no idea what’s going on. I just like watching people yell at Screech.

I seriously thought this was old news by now which is why I refrained from posting about it. BWE was sent a link by a reader to the full version of the Screech sex tape which can be found here. It’s in pretty small resolution, looks kind of squished and it hangs on “loading” for me. So I thought I would be proactive in grossing everyone out and link to the much better quality version that can be seen here. Beware, it’s porn and NSFW and it’s Screech’s penis. The chicks are so-so and I skipped through bits and pieces before I started hyperventilating. I congratulate those of you who are able to sit through the whole thing. You are much weirder than I.

Here’s something extra to put you in a conflicted mood. Elizabeth Hurley in a bikini. While I can’t say much for the face, her body is solid.

Word on the street is Screech, real name Dustin Diamond, is in a 40 minute sex tape currently being shopped around to distributors including Hustler and Vivid. The video features Screech in a three-way with two women and also includes an act known as the Dirty Sanchez. I’m so innocent that I don’t even know what that means or I could have just lost my memory in an attempt to not imagine Screech doing a Dirty Sanchez. The working title of the video is Saved by the Smell.

This is horrid. It’s probably going to be marketed to the same demographic as the Chyna sex tape. Yea, the one where everyone saw her penis. And I thought sex tapes were supposed to be all about me and masturbation and not a catalyst for castration.