Since Lindsay Lohan’s Playboy pictorial will be tasteful (read: no nudity) she’s safe to promote the spread on daytime tv. Ergo, Lindsay will be appearing on Ellen on Dec. 15 to promote her pictorial in the January/February issue of the magazine.

“The pictorial is absolutely fantastic and very tasteful, and will be accompanied by an interview that will let readers see another side of Lindsay,” her rep said.
The troubled starlet is rumored to have earned $1 million for stripping down, some needed cash as her legal woes and struggles with substance abuse have made it difficult to book any acting gigs. Page Six

$1 million for a non-nude Lindsay Lohan pictorial seems steep. Especially when she already did a nude spread for far less. I could have negotiated a better deal for Playboy. I’d offer her mid five figures and if her people wanted to play hardball, I’d just look at Lindsay and tap my watch implying her 15 minutes were almost up.

A while back, photos were taken of Suri Cruise with a box of penis gummies in her hand. Presumably because the package promised fruity flavored penis gummies. Who wouldn’t want some? Anyway, a few people wondered why Katie Holmes would be giving her kid R. Kelly training candy at such a young age. Katie went on Ellen to explain. In an episode airing Friday, she said:

“Recently, I took [Suri] to get ice cream in New York at this place called Serendipity that we go to all the time. It’s for kids. The clientele is children,” explains the actress, who plays Jackie Kennedy in the new ReelzChannel miniseries The Kennedys. “We go in and we are waiting for a table and she grabs some gummies that are boy part gummies. I was horrified.”

Continued Holmes sheepishly: “P-e-n-i-s gummies. I said, oh wow those aren’t Swedish fish. . . They are called p-e-n-i-s gummies and they look like it.”

Holmes spotted the controversy immediately. “She was holding the box and I was like ‘OK, wow we don’t need that right now.’ Because I thought if I said ‘Put that back,’ and then she’s going to say, ‘What is this?’ And I really didn’t want to have that conversation.”

The Dawson’s Creek alum was upset that Serendipity was even selling such a raunchy treat. “I was like, why are selling these here? This is for kids. And then it was on the cover of a magazine that I’m giving her those gummies!”

“I was like, ‘Oh my god, no.’ We put them back.”

Tom Cruise later went back and bought a few and stuffed as many penises in his mouth as he could. “Uggmmmmgloarg,” he moaned in ecstasy. Afterward, he opened a box and ate some gummies to cool off. Easy Tom Cruise joke done.

Look at how edgy Hayden Panettiere is. Her friends backstage dared her to wear boxers under her dress on Ellen and she did. She even showed it on national television. Lifted up her dress, just like that. “What a hussy!,” is what those people in the 1700′s would have yelled at their magical moving picture box.

On Ellen, Audrina Patridge shut up long enough to be dunked in a tank of water in her bikini. What is this BS? First of all, I thought lesbians were good at baseball. Ellen throws like a girl. Second of all, the water was waist high. Jesus, at least make an attempt to drown her. Do I have to do everything around here?