Elton John sat down with Good Morning America to talk about his commercial where he dresses up like a bitter queen, er, king for a Pepsi Super Bowl commercial. He sort of looks like the Burger King guy.

Anyway, does he have any advice for Madonna before her Super Bowl performance. He sure does! He told her, “Make sure you lip-sync good.” Which seems to be a running gag from 2004 when, during an awards acceptance speech, he made fun of Madonna for lip syncing at her concerts.

He pretty much gets a dig in at Madonna whenever he can. At the Golden Globes, he lost out to Madonna for Best Original song. Afterward, his husband, David Furnish, wrote: “Madonna winning Best Original Song truly shows how these awards have nothing to do with merit. Her acceptance speech was embarrassing in it’s narcissism. And her criticism of Gaga shows how desperate she really is.”

It’s safe to say, he’s already going to rate Madonna’s Super Bowl performance with three finger snaps and a “uh uh, girlfriend.”

Elton John and husband David Furnish had a son, Zachary Jackson Levon Furnish-John, born via surrogate on Christmas day.

“We are overwhelmed with happiness and joy at this very special moment,” John and Furnish tell Us in a joint statement. “Zachary is healthy and doing really well, and we are very proud and happy parents.”

The baby is already wearing fruity scarves and learning to accessorize. Because they’re gay, you see.

It’s cool that Christina Hendricks loves showing off her huge breasts, but could she at least put some effort into it? Just because she has Hollywood’s biggest tits doesn’t mean any dress will work.

Case in point: Elton John’s Oscar party last night. What the hell is this? I know it must be hard to find a dress that fits, but that doesn’t mean you need to resort to this. At least get a dress that shows off your somewhat hourglass figure. Not one that shows off the awesome cleavage and then goes all to hell past the hips. This makes it look like her thighs took the brunt of a cookie dough binge.

Elton John talked with Parade about drugs, fame and religion. He explains how he had a compulsion to do all his coke at once, how he always has to be with someone, how he hates fame and how Jesus was a compassionate gay man.

Making early mistakes in love.
“I’d always choose someone younger. I wanted to smother them with love. I’d take them around the world, try to educate them. One after another they got a Cartier watch, a Versace outfit, maybe a sports car. They didn’t have jobs. They were reliant on me. I did this repeatedly. In six months they were bored and hated my guts because I’d taken their lives and self-worth away. I hadn’t intended to.”

Love and drugs.
“Just about every relationship I ever had was involved with drugs. It never works. But I always had to be with someone, good or bad, otherwise I didn’t feel fulfilled. I’d lost the plot.”

It’s all or nothing when it comes to drugs.
“For some people a gram of cocaine can last a month. Not me. I have to do the lot, and then I want more. At the end of the day, all it led to was heartache.”

Why fame has lost its appeal.
“Princess Diana, Gianni Versace, John Lennon, Michael Jackson, all dead. Two of them shot outside their houses. None of this would have happened if they hadn’t been famous. Fame attracts lunatics. I never had a bodyguard, ever, until Gianni died. I don’t like celebrity anymore.”

His take on Christianity.
“I think Jesus was a compassionate, super-intelligent gay man who understood human problems. On the cross, he forgave the people who crucified him. Jesus wanted us to be loving and forgiving. I don’t know what makes people so cruel. Try being a gay woman in the Middle East — you’re as good as dead.”

I’m going to take Elton’s word on the Jesus being gay thing. He’s an old, wise queen. He would know these things. Plus, I’m told gay people have this gaydar and the gayer they are, the stronger the gaydar. Not really sure how it works, but it’s a scientifically proven fact.

Here’s the requisite Lady Gaga at the Grammys post. Last night she did a duet with Elton John (video via Dlisted) and it was all very interesting. I’m lying of course. The only interesting thing about the performance was Elton John’s earring. Is that Saturn orbiting his earlobe? Gaga showed up wearing something similar. I have no idea what this all means. Was this the beginning of a plan to enslave the human race? Probably not, but I think we should kill her just to make sure.

Lily Allen responded via her MySpace blog about the statements the Daily Mail made about her and Elton John getting into a spat at the GQ Man of the Year Awards. Lily says it was just playful banter and weren’t seriously going to shank each other when the show ended.

Hi , now it’s all died down i’m saying my side of what I can’t believe is considered to be a story.
Elton john and I are friends. I was honoured when Elton asked me to present the GQ awards with him this year in association with Elton’s AIDS foundation. Not only was it for a good cause but who would say no to Elton.
I’m not defending my drunkeness because i don’t need to, i’m 23 it was an awards ceremony i drank the free champagne, how awful of me.
Trying to create a feud on the other hand, and trying to make me out as being some rude little girl with a drink problem is just unfair, Elton and I exchanged jokes and there were no hard feelings at all, infact neither of us gave it a second thought. It’s sad that an evening enjoyed by all had to ruined by some bitter journos again.
All these showbiz journalists are just bullies when it comes down to it. I have felt really very bullied this week.I realise that when i first started this job I slagged a few people off when I probably shouldn’t have and I have been opinionated about some things, but i haven’t said a bad word about anyone for a long time, even when I have wanted to, even when people have tried to start feuds and said horrible things about me when they’d never even met me, when they’d based an opinion on me because of something they’d read. It’s hurtful, but it’s fine if you want to print a picture of me and say how awful I look, how much weight i’ve put on or how terrible my choice of clothes were that day. In my opinion it’s still a form of bullying and if anyone spoke to any of my friends like that to their faces i’d want to kill them. But character assasination is another thing it’s just not needed.

You showbiz journalist meanies. Why do you have to be like that. Can’t you see Lily is young and young people like to drink massive amounts of alcohol and become really drunk and act inappropriately and maybe start babbling incoherently and go on and on about nothing until they pass out in their chai……,qpoSDFx.zfr0m2c

Remember back in June when Lily Allen attended Glamour’s Women of the Year Awards and had to be carried out by her bodyguard because she was so drunk? Then she blogged about how awful she felt and claimed that her drink must have been spiked? Well, Lily Allen and Elton John were on hand to co-host GQ Men of the Year Award and you’ll never guess what happened. I’ll give you a second…. Did you guess that Lily Allen got drunk? Ding ding ding. We have a winner.

But when Elton John and Lily Allen got up on stage to host a prestigious awards ceremony, no one predicted quite such fireworks.

The pair began quarelling in front of a shocked celebrity crowd when Miss Allen became drunken and dishevelled after gulping down champagne as the pair handed out awards.

The 23-year-old, decked out in an extravagant Dolce and Gabbana ballgown and Chopard jewellery, soon began slurring, swearing and ad-libbing.

And when she introduced Carol Vorderman to the stage with a verbal tirade, saying ‘F***’ no fewer than five times in the same sentence, her co-host decided enough was enough.

When Miss Allen came to announce ‘…and now the most important part of the night’, Elton chipped in ‘What? Are you going to have another drink?’

She fired back: ‘F*** off Elton. I am 40 years younger than you and have my whole life ahead of me!’

A clearly rattled Elton replied ‘I could still snort you under the table’. To which she replied: ‘F*** off. I don’t know what you are talking about.’

Awards shows in the UK sound so much more fun than awards shows in the US. Over here, they have a wrinkly, roided up Madonna trying to act sexy and a pudgy, confused Britney Spears wiggling around on stage which amounts to a televised freak show. In the UK they have Lily Allen becoming highly intoxicated and acting inappropriate while some old queen tells her to fuck off.  Dammit, America, I can’t take you anywhere.

I’ll be catching a plane later today so you might not see any news. I know I’ll be missed, but don’t worry. Just remember this. We Are! Mar-shall! Happy Holidays.

1. Britney Spears is trashy. Annoyingly so. [Celebitchy]
2. Lindsay Lohan narrowly avoided another vagina mishap. [Celebrity Smack]
3. We Are Marshall attempts the usual inspired by actual events sappiness in order to draw attention away from the fact your wallet is being raped. Hard. [Pajiba]
4. Elton John and Sting snuggle. [CityRag]
5. Lara Flynn Boyle married and not to Jack Nicholson. [Yeeeah!]
6. P. Diddy was allowed to breed. [Glitterati]
7. K-Fed is aiming for the lower echelons and will wrestle. [The Evil Beet]