If you are to take the word of a Beverly Hills jeweler and former CEO of Asprey & Garrard, the British jewelry company to the English royal family, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are engaged. This after stating they wouldn’t marry based on principle saying they would only do so after gay marriage was legalized everywhere. But it appears mounting pressure from their children asking why they aren’t married like all the other mommy and daddies at school and screaming, “Oh my god, does that make me a bastard?!,” has finally convinced Jolie and Pitt to take the plunge.

The British jewelry company confirms to The Hollywood Reporter that he’s designed an engagement ring for Angelina Jolie. A rep says, “I can confirm that, yes, Robert Procop did indeed design an engagement ring for Angelina Jolie, designed in collaboration with Brad Pitt.” They added,

“Brad had a specific vision for this ring, which he realized over a yearlong collaboration. He wanted every aspect of it to be perfect, so I was able to locate a diamond of the finest quality and cut it to an exact custom size and shape to suite Angelina’s hand. Brad was always heavily involved, overseeing every aspect of the creative design evolution. The side diamonds are specially cut to encircle her finger. Each diamond is of the highest gem quality.”

Jolie was seen with the ring two nights ago at a private viewing of the LA County Museum of Art’s Chinese Galleries. Neither reps for Jolie and Pitt have confirmed the engagement. Probably because they want to string us along and watch us squirm. “Dance, my puppets, dance!”

Brad’s rep confirmed the engagement to PEOPLE. Don’t mind that weeping, it’s only Jennifer Aniston.

53-year-old Alec Baldwin is now engaged to Hilaria Thomas, his 28-year-old yoga instructor, who he began dating last summer.

“Yes, it’s true! Alec proposed to Hilaria this weekend and we’re all excited for the newly engaged couple,” the rep says. “Alec’s birthday is tomorrow – great way to celebrate!” PEOPLE

Daww, isn’t it always heartwarming when you see two crazy kids without ulterior motives find love in Hollywood? I’m sure his money had absolutely nothing to do with this. I mean, Alec has a fantastic personality.

As per guido law, if you knock up one of your kind, you are required to put a ring on it. Hence, Snooki and boyfriend/possible father to her unborn child Jionni LaValle are engaged.

Snooki predicted this as early as January. “I know he’s the one so I know the ring’s gonna come soon. Well, not soon-soon. He knows it should be big, cuz if it’s small I’m saying no. Like, ‘Get another ring!’” Incredible. Snooki is like a bronzed, pickle eating, midget Nostradamus.

As for her ex-boyfriend Emilio Masella, he’s not too happy with the news. In fact, he hope Snooki miscarries. “I hope for her sake… not to be rude or anything… but I hope she has a miscarriage.” He adds that Snooki may not even know how babies work. “When I was with her, she said she wanted twins. She would always say ‘Let’s have twins.’”

Maybe Snooki believed that if she thought long and hard enough, she could will her body to split a zygote. And who knows, it might be possible. We don’t know much about this species to say otherwise.

Halle Berry went through an ugly separation with Gabriel Aubry where she called him a racist and he called her batsh*t crazy and had some emails to back it up. Well, looks like Oliver Martinez doesn’t read the tabloids because he proposed to Halle.

A rep for jewelry designer Gurhan tells PEOPLE that Olivier Martinez, Berry’s boyfriend of more than a year, has given her a diamond-and-emerald engagement ring.

The Oscar-winning actress, 45, costarred with Martinez, 46, a French actor, in the 2010 film Dark Tide. They soon became an item off-screen. PEOPLE

In 5 months, Oliver may find a shiv plunged deep in his liver over an argument about pancakes, but god, will the sex be great.

This was reported two weeks ago, but now Us sort of confirms it saying Justin Timberlake proposed to Jessica Biel in the mountains of Wyoming.

“Justin knows how much she loves snowboarding and the mountains, so it was the perfect place,” one insider explains.

After a brief three-month split in 2011, Biel made it clear that she wanted to spend her life with Timberlake, 30. “When they reunited, they had a conversation about taking the next step.” Us Weekly

Justin Timberlake was rumored to have been with Mila Kunis, Olivia Wilde, Olivia Munn and Amanda Seyfried. Basically all his co-stars. Proposing to Jessica Biel was obviously the next logical step after running out of vaginas.

If you missed this from the morning round-up, let me repeat it. Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel might be engaged per Lainey. A tweet from an art gallery in Jackson, Wyoming read, “Word on the street is that Justin Timberlake proposed to Jessica Biel at the Amangani last night…we’re picking out post-engagement presents for them just in case they come in! Trying to play it cool…”

The Amangani is a luxury resort in Wyoming. There’s no confirmation yet so who knows. Maybe Jessica Biel finally convinced Justin to marry her by mercilessly beating him and asking, “Why are you hitting yourself? Why are you hitting yourself?”

Where one marriage fails, another one begins. Proving the rumors true, Britney Spears and Jason Trawick got engaged last week at his 40th birthday party at Planet Hollywood.

Spears, donning a short, nude Herve Leger dress, stepped out a few hours later and revealed her highly-anticipated Neil Lane sparkler during a congratulatory welcome on the hotel’s mezzanine. Planet Hollywood Chairman Robert Earl presented Trawick with an oversized birthday cake in a quick ceremony.

“She wanted it to be quick because her kids where upstairs and she wanted to put them to bed,” a source told PEOPLE.

Following the celebration, the duo stopped in at Sugar Factory’s Chocolate Lounge where they shared a turkey burger and a club sandwich in a room closed off to the public to give the couple privacy. A line of waiters where later seen bringing a tray of cupcakes and a large sundae of ice cream covered in sprinkles. [ed. note: naturally]

Old Britney was way more fun. Old Britney would have taken a handful of that cake, shoved it in her mouth and then paraded around Planet Hollywood with a chocolate-smeared face asking if anyone would want to exchange outfits with her. New Britney is boring. New Britney just ends the night at shoving a handful of cake in her mouth.

According to multiple sources, Britney Spears is getting engaged to Jason Trawick tonight. In Las Vegas. And Britney already knows. Wait, wouldn’t that mean they’re already engaged if Britney knows? Being a celebrity with a conservatorship is so confusing.

Sources say Britney’s conservators have given their stamp of approval. The matter will go before the judge in the conservatorship case but it’s virtually certain Brit will get the judge’s sign off.

And we’re told … Jason did it the old fashioned way … by asking Britney’s dad, Jamie Spears, for permission to marry his daughter.

And they’re also doing it the new-fashioned way … we’ve learned there WILL be a prenup. TMZ

If I didn’t know who Britney was and didn’t know she bastes turkeys with $100 bills, this would be a red flag. It’s almost never a good sign when you ask a girl to marry you and she says she first has to make sure the courts deem her mentally fit to say yes.

Looks like Jennifer Love Hewitt’s club for failed relationships just got a lot lonelier because Anne Hathway found a guy who isn’t a shady con-artist who pretends to be a priest as part of a real estate scam. That is to say, after three years of dating, Anne Hathaway and actor Adam Shulman are engaged.

The Oscar-nominated actress, 29, has been spotted out and about recently wearing an engagement ring — designed, her rep tells Us, by Kwiat Heritage.

“We hit it off immediately, but it took us a pretty long time to get together,” Hathaway has said. After they realized they were both single, the actress reveals that “things sped up a bit — and I think I’ll leave it at that.”

“So far, it’s worked out great,” the Dark Knight Rises actress told Harper’s Bazaar of her guy, adding that Shulman was far more “mellow” than her previous romances.

“Mellow doesn’t always make for a good story, but it makes for a good life.”Us Magazine

Anne continued, “Compared to bilking old people out of money, drowning stray cats in the bathtub doesn’t seem quite so bad.”

After ending their three month engagement, Jay Cutler has re-proposed to Kristin Cavallri. Probably after she begged and pleaded for his NFL contract to work it out. Originally, Cutler broke it off with Cavallari when she wouldn’t move to Chicago to “commit to him.” She insisted she had a career in LA and was working on a TV project which ended up being Dancing With the Stars.

Kristin is reportedly “over the moon with happiness.” The original wedding date was set for summer of 2012 but a source says, “they haven’t set a new date yet.” But, no doubt, how soon the wedding will be will be proportional to how many make-up bjs Jay Cutler gets.

Frankie Muniz, who has $40m in the bank, son!,  is engaged to his girlfriend of four years, Elycia Turnbow.

Last we left Frankie and Elycia, Frankie had put a gun to his head threatening to kill himself. Elycia called the cops thinking he was suicidal. When Frankie came back from the hospital, he punched her in the back of the head and slammed her into a wall. Frankie denied Elycia’s version of events explaining, “I love her too much. She is the woman I want to marry.” Aww, if covering up domestic violence isn’t true love, I don’t know what is.

Muniz tweeted the other day, “After 4 years together, I’m so happy to be ENGAGED to the love of my life @ElyciaMarie!!!” Meanwhile, Elycia tweeted, “Frankie Muniz I love you!!! It’s official… I’m engaged!!!”

This was a good day for Frankie. He didn’t even have to punch his girlfriend in the back of the head during his proposal to get her to accept. How sweet!

Brenda Song’s mother insisted to Star back in September that her sweet, innocent daughter isn’t pregnant with Trace Cryus’ baby but when Brenda walked out with Trace Cyrus in what looked like clothing to hide a pregnancy, everyone lifted their eyebrow and let out a “mm hmm.” Now they’re getting married. Trace tweeted over the weekend,

I am very excited to say, last week I asked my girlfriend Brenda Song to marry me and she said YES! We are both very excited to be engaged! Trace Cyrus Twitter

To which Miley responded,

@TraceCyrus can’t wait for Brenda to be a Cyrus :) couldn’t be more excited about my “sister in law to be” yay :) Miley Cyrus Twitter

If the wedding happens in two weeks and Brenda gives birth in six months, then you’ll know either something fishy is going on or Brenda has the most advanced womb in the world.

Criss Angel, who’s miraculously cornered the market on douchey magicians, is engaged to Sandra Gonzalez. He surprised her in Cabo with a 5-carat diamond and platinum ring. Angel’s rep says, “The couple is ecstatic.”

Angel and Gonzalez met four years ago on the set of his series Mindfreak. Conveniently after he divorced his wife in 2006. Note that Angel hid the fact that he was married during the series to further his career. Because that’s what douche bags do. She appeared in two of his illusions and was credited as “Criss’s Girl.”

In November 2008, Criss began dating Holly Madison. That relationship ended a year later. I’m not sure where Sandra fits into this timeline but my best guess would be in a box with a secret trap door where he keeps all his side pieces.

Up top is Criss Angel and a girl credited as Jennifer White but who may actually be Sandra Gonzalez in Mexico at the end of August.