Despite introducing Anna Kournikova as his wife at a concert in Russia last year, Enrique Iglesias has no plans to marry. Mainly because a piece of paper doesn’t mean that much to him.

Speaking of love, you introduced longtime girlfriend Anna Kournikova as your wife at a concert in Russia last year. What was that about?
It was just meant to be sweet in the moment. I honestly didn’t mean to confuse people. I thought it’d be easier for the audience to understand than if I said “my girl.”

So no wedding bells soon?
I’ve never really thought marriage would make a difference. Maybe it’s because I come from divorced parents, but I don’t think you love someone more because of a piece of paper. And nowadays, it’s not taboo to have kids and not be married. What makes a difference is that you’re a good parent, period. Parade

Anna Kournikova is probably just standing in the corner looking angry and tapping her feet with her fingers stretched out. A good way to defuse that situation is to shake her hand and sing, “tonight I’ll be f**king you.” There’s no way that could go wrong.

During a concert in Melbourne, Australia on Tuesday night, Enrique Iglesias talked about losing his virginity and declared, “I have the smallest penis in the world. I’m serious,” while knocking back shots of whiskey. This was after inviting three men to join him on stage but before telling them to lift up their shirts to compare their chests. No homo or way homo?

He began the unexpected behaviour by inviting three men from the audience to join him on stage. The foursome perched on a bench from where the conversation took an X-rated turn. He quizzed his companions on the age they first had sex.

He initially claimed he was a virgin until 25 — preferring not to pay for prostitutes as he claimed his pals did. He said: “I grew up with a lot of my friends and all of them lost their virginity with hookers, not that there’s anything wrong with that. “They had to pay for it. I wanted to wait for the right girl so I waited until I was 25.”

But, within moments he changed his story and claimed he was in fact 17-and-a-half when he slept with his first woman, saying: “I was nervous as s*** the first time. “Usually the first time is not the best. Let me be honest, I was 17-and-a-half, I was so nervous. It lasted ten seconds.” One of his companions then claimed he lasted ten minutes the first time. Iglesias replied: “Really? I don’t even last eight minutes now.”

The audience member said the singer’s “good looks” would be great for getting ladies. Iglesias then asked: “What does Spanish good looks have to do with the size of your penis? Maybe I have the Spanish looks but I have the smallest penis in the world. I’m serious.”

The singer then asked his companions to lift their shirts so they could all compare chests.

Shots of whiskey, comparing chests with shirtless men, pillow talk and frank discussions about penises? Are you sure this happened on Tuesday? Sounds more like a Saturday night to me.

Enrique Iglesias drew a lot of attention when he told a Swedish magazine he had gotten secretly married and divorced to Anna Kournikova. It turns out, he was only joking and is still together with Anna. Bad news for me because I already mailed Anna two of my used boxers. Sorry Enrique, but when Anna opens her present, one whiff of my musk will send her into a state of ecstasy she won’t soon forget. Doctors may say she’s convulsing, but they’ve obviously never brought a women to orgasm before.