I swear Eva Mendes used to be a lot tanner than she is in these photos of her on the set of her new movie Holly Motors. Maybe she went to the tanning salon and asked for the Michael Jackson special, easy on the pre-teen boys.

Here’s Eva Mendes doing a spread in the October issue of Elle France. In one of these pictures, she’s wearing a half see-through lace top, so, yea, if you’re wondering, that is Eva Mendes’ nipple. I’m glad we could clear that up.

The Independent Spirit Awards held on Saturday looked like a lot of fun. Especially if your name is Paul Rudd because not only are you extremely funny, but you get to be in a Rosario Dawson and Eva Mendes sandwich where you feel up Eva’s breasts (scripted) and have Rosario grab your dick (unscripted).

“I’m a women’s rights activist and I was getting a little tired that he was grabbing her boob onstage for half an hour,” Dawson, 31, told Access Hollywood. “Nothing bad, but it was funny.”

To teach the 41-year-old How Do You Know actor a lesson, Dawson jumped on stage and took hold of Rudd’s genitals.

“I was sitting there with my fork like, ‘If he doesn’t stop, I’m going to stab him with my fork,’” the Unstoppable star explained. “So I got up there and I stabbed him with my fork, and he didn’t stop, so I was like, alright, I’m going to grab his package.”

The audience members weren’t the only ones stunned by Dawson’s frisky behavior. “Eva kept laughing nervously and Paul seemed totally not into the joke,” an onlooker tells UsMagazine.com

Still, Dawson told Access Hollywood she has no regrets about the unscripted moment.

“It wasn’t bad. It was actually a pretty good package,” Dawson laughed. “I’ve kind of been curious since I was a teenager watching Clueless. Women should get to cop a feel, too.”

Did I just read “Paul seemed totally not into the joke”? Coughgaycough. Granted, having to be up there trying to hide your boner all night might be a little embarrassing.

Six photos of a partially nude Eva Mendes have gone missing according to Lyndon Chubbuck, the photographer who took them. Lyndon says they were scheduled to go on display this week at Supperclub in LA.

Somewhere between the printer and the art show, the photos were stolen. Lyndon plans to file a police report tomorrow merely for insurance purposes because he doesn’t think the cops will be going on a man hunt for his Eva Mendes nudes.

Lyndon, however, seriously underestimates what men would do for a good boner. Just wait until tomorrow when a state wide APB goes out and a dedicated task force is assigned to this case.

Note: Header pic not one of the photos taken. Go to the link for a preview.

Eva Mendes hit up the Marrakech 10th International Film Festival in Morocco on Monday where she was a judge along with John Malkovich. Not too sure about her choice in ruffles, she looks like she belongs in a period piece, but at least it highlighted her awesome chest. If her dress pushed her breasts up any higher, they’d be hitting her face like a couple of angry midgets.

Megan Fox’s ads for Armani were released today, but Megan has a lot to learn if she wants to be #1 in sexy clothing ads. As much as it pains me to say, Eva Mendes’ new ads for Calvin Klein were released recently and they’re 100 times better than Megan’s. If Eva’s ad was a golden goblet of heavenly wine, Megan’s ad would be the street urchin who shines the golden goblet for a nominal fee.

Eva Mendes knows she looks rockin’ hot naked and doesn’t have a problem with showing herself off. As she tells Fox News

“I don’t allow myself to be typecast, but when I have to turn up the heat and turn up the sexuality and I do an amazing Calvin Klein campaign it’s very conscious, that’s no accident. It’s very methodical on my part. If I feel it’s appropriate to show some nudity in the scenes then I go for it. As much as I use my sexuality, I have never felt exploited. I feel like it’s on my terms and I have no problem with it.”

I don’t have a problem with it either. With Eva showing off her body, that is. Whenever I show off my body, people run and cry while punching themselves in their eyes. My self esteem says it’s because they’re jealous. My mom says it’s because I’m ugly.

Apparently there are a lot of crybaby whiners in New York. Today they’re butt hurt over a Calvin Klein billboard ad featuring a sweaty Eva Mendes tugging at some model’s boxer briefs. See, Eva looks hot as hell and that offends people. Per the NYDN, Carl Wilson, a 55-year-old killjoy from Queens says, “Some of us don’t want to expose our kids to something like this – it’s borderline pornography.”

Luckily, Wilson and his sexless kind are just the vocal minority because everyone else thinks the ad is awesome. Sure, there’s a chance that someone would cause a ten car pileup while jacking off to it while driving, but that’s a risk I’m sure people are willing to take.

This is what I like to see. More hot chicks in bikinis like Eva Mendes is here in Italy. Though Eva looks like a dork with that floatie. Doesn’t she know how to swim? It’s simple. All you do is flail around spastically in the middle of the ocean until a lifeguard comes to save you. Then free ride back to shore.

Bonus: The reaction you get when you open your eyes and shout, “My first kiss!” after being given mouth to mouth by a hot chick who thinks you almost drowned.

Eva Mendes is pissed that she’s compared to that other Latina actress Jennifer Lopez. Eva would like to think her career is a little more serious.

“I would like to think I will have a more serious career than J.Lo. We may both be of Latin origin but that’s where the comparisons stop. She manages her career like the head of a big corporation, whereas the only thing I care about is becoming the best actress possible.”

Forget for a second Eva Mendes was in Ghost Rider and 2 Fast 2 Furious. She has a point. Almost every movie Jennifer has been in has sucked. Lopez is like the Latina Tara Reid minus the disfiguring plastic surgery. Jennifer’s idea of acting is to talk in a wispy voice and look into the camera with sad eyes. IN EVERY SINGLE SCENE! Being compared to Jennifer Lopez is probably the worst thing that could happen. People would rather be locked in a cage with a horny Courtney Love.

MENDES HATES COMPARISON TO LOPEZ [Contact Music]

While promoting her new line of bedding at Mercedes Benz Fashion Week, Eva Mendes announced that she’s had sex in all 50 states. *Stunned silence* She went on to clarify that it wasn’t with 50 different men and that “A lot of it was on a road trip I took when I was younger.” *Sigh*

So, what did Eva learn on her amazing journey? That Arizona and Colorado are the best states to have sex in:

“Maybe it was the clear air, or the quiet, or the endless sky, she noted, whatever it was, it was really, really good.”

The worst state by far was Alaska:

“I’d really like a do-over on that state,” Mendes said, before suggesting publicists at Alaska Air sponsor a trip for her there for that purpose.

In related news, Alaska, here I come and Eva, prepare for the most incredible 2 – 2.5 minutes of your life.

Calvin Klein is currently promoting their new fragrance, Secret Obsession, with a controversial commercial starring Eva Mendes rolling around naked. It was quickly banned in the U.S. forcing Calvin Klein to re-cut it. But because the fashion house has so much integrity, they’ve decided to put the uncut version online. Video up above, slightly NSFW.

“This development is not entirely a surprise for the U.S. market,” said Tom Murry, president and chief operating officer of Calvin Klein Inc.

“We believe the commercial is exceptional and hits the mark for Secret Obsession. We will reach our consumers in the U.S. primarily through the Web site, the print campaign and at point of sale. We are anticipating a very successful global launch.”

When the ad’s creative director, Fabien Baron, heard the news, he blamed the president.

“You must be kidding me. This country really needs a new president — this country is so messed up,” said Baron. “It’s such a joke and it’s quite upsetting, frankly, how hypocritical this country has become. It’s OK for children to see people killed by guns? Spreading a little love right now would be a good idea.

Of course, I’m writing about this only because you can totally see Eva’s nipple in it! Hubba hubba!

Who has it worse? Fergie, who has to stand next to Eva Mendes, someone a billion times hotter than her and makes her look like an even fuglier monster, or Eva Mendes, who has to stand next to Fergie, a person whose ugliness could very well be contagious? I’m going to have to go with Eva Mendes only because it’s a scientific fact ugly people don’t have feelings.