Update: So it may have been Roger in the beginning, but it’s not him stomping at the end.

Former UFC fighter and now Bellator fighter Roger Huerta knocked a guy clean out and bloodied him up in Austin, Texas over the weekend.

At around 2 AM Saturday morning outside of a bar, a big beefy dude landed a sucker punch to a girl just standing around minding her own business. His fists must have been made of feathers because she dropped to the ground and popped right back up like nothing happened.

Even worse than the humiliation of not being able to ko a girl who wasn’t even paying attention was MMA fighter Roger Huerta saw the whole thing. And Huerta doesn’t like guys who punch defenseless girls. Huerta confronted the guy yelling, “You just punched a fuckin’ girl.”

Seconds later, Huerta takes off his shirt and hat and chases the guy around the street almost getting run over by cars while people try to intervene. When the camera refocuses on the two guys, the guy who hit the girl is laid out on the ground with Roger landing one more punch for the road. Then UFC fighter Clay Guida or a Clay Guida look-a-like jumps in for some reason.

Huerta’s manager said, “I have not spoken to Roger yet about this incident, but I can say that it’s in his nature to be very protective of women.” Aww. If Huerta is ever taken to court, the judge will probably sit there batting his eyelashes at Roger the whole time before banging his gavel and announcing that the case has been dismissed.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ar7xBZcVHvs&feature=player_embedded

This video of crazy 67-year-old Thomas Bruso’s scuffle on AC Transit is everywhere today, so, I’ll just leave this here with one question: Did anyone ever call the Amber Lamps?!

Usually, you want stories describing a catfight between Danielle Lloyd and two 20-year-olds ending with them ripping each other’s tops off and making out. Alas, it was not to be.

Last night, Lloyd got in a catfight with two 20-year-olds dancing on the back of the VIP sofa she was sitting on. One of them accidentally kicked her prompting Lloyd to get up to give her a piece of her mind. One thing led to another and they started punching and slapping each other. Eventually, Danielle fell off the sofa and fell through a glass table.

Her leg was badly cut up and Lloyd’s boyfriend, Jamie O’Hara, and another girl’s boyfriend were restrained by bouncers. Jamie was later thrown out. The Sun describes:

As she lay on the pavement, Danielle was heard shrieking: “My leg, my leg.” She needed stitches to a “serious” back wound as well as cosmetic surgery on her limb.

“Danielle sustained a serious wound to her back which required stitches upon arrival at hospital.

“She went in theatre yesterday afternoon and stayed in hospital over night.

“The operation on her leg was successful.”

Real life is nothing like the celebrity fan fiction I write. In my version, Danielle Lloyd would be fighting Megan Fox and Angelina Jolie in a tub of chocolate pudding. The winner would have been given the opportunity to blow me. Now that I think about it, brawling in dessert and blowing me is how most of the books in my series end.

Reps for Brooke Shields’ tell TMZ that Jack McCollough did nothing to justify the headbutt he received from Kiefer Sutherland. The original story said Jack knocked Brooke to the ground causing Jack to come defend her honor.

Reps say that nothing like that happened. They added, “Jack did nothing inappropriate. It’s not clear what caused Kiefer to do what he did.” Witnesses say otherwise, but Shields’ rep insists that Jack, who designs clothes for Brooke, “did absolutely nothing to her.”

Oddly enough, when asked whether Jack touched her or not, her reps admit that they don’t know.

However after an interview, cops say Brooke Shields is “definitely involved” and her story corroborates Kiefer’s.

Exciting! I love a mystery. But, I think it’s pretty clear what happened given all the evidence. It was Jack in the library with a candlestick. There! I solved the great mystery of the Costume Institute Gala afterparty. I’m like a regular Hardy boy.

Kiefer does a really great impression of stains the cupcake dog

Last night at an afterparty for the MET Ball at SubMercer, Keifer Sutherland got into it with fashion designer Jack McCollough over, wait for it, Brooke Shields? Huh?

Guest of a Guest says guests including Mary-Kate Olsen and Kirsten Dunst looked on in shock as Keifer head-butted McCollough so hard that he broke his nose. No word on how Brooke Shields fits into this, but McCollough may be the real winner as Kiefer is still in the hospital recovering.

I suspect Kiefer was in a drunken stupor and became so enraged when McCollough dared to correct him on the type of seam used on Brooke Shield’s dress. Nobody fucks with Jack Bauer’s knowledge of stitching.

Quick update: TMZ clarifies:

We’re told witnesses say the alleged victim — Proenza Schouler designer Jack McCollough — allegedly knocked Brooke Shields over and Kiefer saw it happen. The witnesses say Kiefer went over to the man and told him to apologize to her. At that point they say McCollough pushed Kiefer and the actor responded with a headbutt.

That Brooke Shields. Always starting trouble.

Lily Allen went off on a paparazzo in London yesterday when one of them accidentally rear-ended her. As soon as it happened, Allen got out of her car, threw a water bottle at him, kicked him and then either slapped or punched him or both. I like how the other photog and her bodyguard have a look of horror and confusion on their faces like they just witnessed some old lady get pantsied.

The photog being attacked only looked mildly annoyed like when a kid beats on you with one of those foam baseball bats. Being rejected at a bar probably hurts more than what Lily’s doing. She is feisty though and doesn’t seem to have a lot of quit in her. You’d probably need a lot of rope to keep her strapped to your bed. Heh heh heh.

WWE pro-wrestler Chris Jericho allegedly swung at a woman and knocked her to the ground outside of Save-on-Foods after a RAW Live show on Saturday.

The altercation began when a mob of Canadian fans surrounded Chris at a stop sign while he was in his car. They started heckling him and saying things like, “You’re an insult to Canadians you [expletive].” Pretty much acting as if pro-wrestling was real. Then a girl started pushing Jericho. She must have been really strong and intimidating or really ugly because Jericho punched her. There isn’t a clear view of the punch in the video, but you can see Jericho take a swing. Per the Times Colonist:

One witness said she saw the 225-pound wrestler spit in the blond woman’s face after she approached his SUV. The woman started hitting Jericho, which is when he punched her, said Darshan Stevens, who watched from about a metre away.

“I was really surprised that a pro wrestler would do that with everyone watching,” Stevens said. “And hit a girl, what are you thinking?”

Jericho drove off, she said, just minutes before several Victoria police cruisers arrived.

The woman who was hit, 20-year-old Ashley Levey, said the altercation began when her boyfriend, Kalen Johl, heckled Jericho. Jericho got out of his vehicle, Levey said, and made a derogatory comment to Johl, who is South Asian. She said Jericho pushed Kohl first. Levey called Jericho a racist, so he spit on and punched her, she said. Levey said she and Johl were later arrested but released without charge. She wants Jericho charged with assault.

Canadians seem really passionate about watching two greased up men play fighting each other. They act like it’s their national sport. If you told them it wasn’t real, they’ll probably get all emotional on you like this guy and have their girlfriends beat you up.

I’m not saying Canadian fans are delusional pansies, but when someone calls you a racist name and then knocks out your girlfriend, you might want to do something about it other than standing around and looking like someone stole the last slice of pizza. A good start would be to politely ask for an apology and quickly cower in fear.

Does anyone else see a connection here? Bobby Brown. Chris Brown. Chris Jerico. The triumvirate is now complete.