Gary Dourdan was killed off of CSI in 2008 and you’d expect him to be telling you the specials of the day by now but somehow he’s still making enough to be hanging out on boats in Spain with his hot ass girlfriend Maria del Alamo. Between 2008 and 2010 he’s been in exactly two films, Fire! (4.4 on IMDB) and Risen, which hasn’t been released yet.

I wrote a letter to Gary asking him how he does it. It read, “Dear, Gary. I hate you.” Hopefully he responds soon.

[Bauer]

Last month, Gar Dourdan’s girlfriend, Maria Asis del Alamo, was arrested for alleged domestic violence after police noticed the former CSI actor covered in scratches.

Today, the criminal case against Maria was dismissed after Gary explained the misunderstanding.

Gary claims a neighbor confused their orgasmic screams for violence. The scratches on his neck were from Maria being too enthusiastic. However, before prosecutors could move further, they told Gary, “Pics or GTFO!” No, actually they just believed him and dismissed the case. But they really should ask for pics or tell people to get the fuck out from now on. Only if the girl is hot though. No fatties allowed.

[INF]

Gary Dourdan’s girlfriend beat his ass so he had her hauled off to jail. Maria Asis del Alamo was charged with misdemeanor domestic battery after police discovered the 43-year-old ex-CSI star covered in scratches.

Wait, scratches? What a pansy. I would be too embarrassed to call the cops for that. I’d tell them it was nothing and that she only gets like that when she drinks and that I don’t want to talk about it.

James Blunt and Gary Dourdan were hanging out at the beach the other day, surrounded by topless chicks who were sucking on each other’s tits. It must be boring to have nothing to do all day but this. I bet they wish they had my life. I surf the web for the first half of the day and bury my head into my hands and cry for the second half. It’s really much more fun than it sounds.

You know how sometimes druggies score a ton of narcotics and decide to go out to find girls to party with, but somehow end up using most of their stash before they make it to the club and wind up passed out in their car not knowing a bunch of cops are right outside ready to bust them? Me neither, but Gary Dourdan might.

Soon to be departing CSI star, Gary Dourdan, was busted on suspicion of possessing heroin, cocaine, ecstasy and prescription drugs. Dourdan was asleep in his car at 5:21 AM when officers moved in and made the arrest. TMZ says Gary has since posted $5,000 to be bailed out of Palm Springs jail.

Gary Dourdan from CSI lost it yesterday and started chasing a TMZ cameraman. It started with Gary mistaking the camera guy for someone else and ended with Gary pushing him to the ground and breaking his camera. He left after that, but then came back on his Ducati along with his entourage in a Town Car and started chasing the guy around Hollywood. It’s all pretty riveting. Similar to J.J. Abram’s Cloverfield trailer, but shakier. CBS issued a statement saying this has not affected production. Thank god for that. Rest of the videos after the jump.