Oprah Winfrey wants everyone to know that she is not gay for or with Gayle King. She wants people to know so badly, that she needs to spell it out in her magazine O. In it, she explains why people misunderstand her close relationship with Gayle King.

Says Winfrey: “Something about this relationship feels otherworldly to me, like it was designed by a power and a hand greater than my own. Whatever this friendship is, it’s been a very fun ride.”

You see, two women eating each other’s vagina does not make them gay. It’s something they do to strengthen their relationship. Girls, raise your hands if you have never eaten your best friend’s vagina. Exactly. I rest my case.