Gemma Atkinson, best known to me for this sheer awesomeness, is vacationing in the Caribbean with a footballer dude named Marcus Bent. Although her days may be filled with bikini romps in the ocean and, um, beach ping pong (?), she hides an incredible sadness. For in her heart of hearts, Gemma longs for me to be there with her. Soon, my pet, soon. You know, Gemma, if you removed this restraining order, things would be a lot easier. Just sayin’.

I posted this picture of Gemma Atkinson on Monday, Memorial Day, and a lot of you asked me who it was. Well, I just told you her name so get off my back. Anyway, she’s shooting a calendar and higher resolution photos came out today so here they are. She’s sexy. If I was able to get pregnant and Gemma could impregnate me, I’d tell her I’d want to have her babies. Although, if I ever got pregnant I’d have to tell her we’d need to “take care of it” because I just can’t get pregnant right now. A lot more after the jump.

I thought this site didn’t have enough hot chicks in bikinis so I commissioned the world’s brightest thinkers to come up with a way to combat this problem. Four hours and $250,000 later, they told me all I needed to do was put up more pictures of hot chicks in bikinis. Go figure.

Earlier, Britney Spears was photographed coming back from the gym wearing a towel around her neck. Apparently, Gemma Atkinson, a model for Zoo Weekly, does it too. I was a bit unsure at first. Now I’m convinced. Stupidity is infectious. That’s why my head is encased in a hamster ball.