Since his split from Michelle Williams, Heath Ledger has been sowing his wild oats. His black book reads like a casting call for Hollywood’s top models and actresses. Kate Hudson, Helena Christensen and now add Heather Graham and Gemma Ward to the mix. According to the New York Post,

“He’s following Gemma around everywhere,” a Page Six spy said. “He somehow finds out where she is going to be and then miraculously shows up to the parties or bars where she is.”

Furthermore:

“Spies at Gonzales y Gonzales restaurant saw Ledger, who was “dressed like a homeless guy,” make “a beeline for Graham”…He ignored everyone except Heather and then told her, ‘We should hang out sometime.’ She agreed, they exchanged numbers, but then he just bolted,” our source said. “He was basically only there to pick up a chick.”

Dating for Heath sounds like a covert military operation. Stalk your enemy. Follow them wherever they go. Next, camouflage yourself and blend into the background. Lock onto your target, get in and get out.

Hmm…sounds too complicated. I prefer to go nuclear and just slap girls on the face with my large penis. Usually, they call me sick and disgusting. I say they can’t take a joke.

Heath Ledger as The Joker up above. Gemma Ward and Heather Graham down below. - Captain Swarthy