Reportedly still shaken up from accidentally using the American flag to wipe her ass with at the Super Bowl (that’s what happened right, because with all this commotion that’s what sounds like happened), Christina Aguilera is praying she doesn’t flub the lyrics again at the Grammy Awards this Sunday night. An incredible achievement considering this time her lines will be fed to her with a teleprompter. From Popeater:

“This is a huge night for Christina so she’s leaving nothing to chance,” an insider tells me. “All the lyrics to her number will be in a TelePrompter at the event so it will be almost impossible for her to mess up again.”

“You would be a fool to count Christina out,” a friend of the singer’s tells me. “She has been down before and always found her way back. Sure, she’s going through a lot and yes she is terrified, but mark my words, on Sunday when she opens the Grammys, no one will be talking about the Super Bowl anymore. This girl is in the to win it.”

Ronn D. Torossian, president and CEO of 5W Public Relations said.

“Christina will recover, this was a mistake, not blatant disrespect. While this was a very high profile flub, in the annals of her career this will be seen as a footnote and not as the headline. This too shall pass, and she will absolutely recover.”

Ronn added, “what doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger” and “if you build it, they will come,” but then quickly hung up because that last line was totally from Field of Dreams and not the self-help books he’s been memorizing lines from. So embarrassing!

At least she never has to dress up for Halloween. That’s something. Right? Guys? Why are you running? You training for a marathon?

M.I.A. performed at the Grammy Awards on her due date as planned. She made it through her set without going into labor. Disappointing to say the least. At one point I was hoping her water would break causing Kanye West to slip which would set off a long look-at-me speech berating M.I.A. and telling everyone she planned this whole thing to make him look bad.

Here’s Katie Perry at the pre-Grammy party honoring Clive Davis showing everyone why she’s been able to stretch her 15 minutes into a full hour. Her music may offend even the deaf, but her chest has been known to give the blind the gift of sight. I hear Katy Perry’s boobs are the American equivalent to Buddha’s belly.

For whatever reason, Marisa Miller hit up the Grammy Awards yesterday despite her lack of musical relevance. It’s safe to say people didn’t ask questions. Marisa Miller could show up to a funeral to do an impromptu photo shoot and the closest thing to an objection would be someone asking why her tits are still covered.

Katy Perry dressed up as Chiquita Banana for the Grammys and performed in a hallowed out banana. A bear could have torn through an oversized apple and it would have made just about as much sense.

Kelly Clarkson waddled the red carpet of Clive Davis’ pre-Grammy party. And why wouldn’t she? There was the promise of free food. That’s how I got Kelly to perform at my birthday party. As soon as I mentioned cake, she put her finger to my lips to silence me and asked, “Ice cream cake?” Well, uh, yea. I guess it’s ice cream cake. Now.

Check out the header pic. How much you want to bet Kelly just saw someone drop a jelly donut?

Amy Winehouse dominated the Grammy Awards Sunday night. She took home five awards including record of the year, song of the year, best new artist. Amy performed “You Know I’m No Good” and “Rehab” via satellite during which she called out for Blake, her incarcerated husband. She also called out to him during her acceptance speech.

“I can’t believe I’ve won five awards,” she told the intimate crowd, including her mother Janis, father Mitch and older brother Alex. “It’s a shame I couldn’t be there to accept the awards but I’m so proud and happy that I had the opportunity to perform for the Grammys in my hometown of London with my family and friends around me. Thank you, thank you, thank you!”

Amy’s idea of performing is to bounce around and wiggle her knees while waving her hands in the air. It’s like she’s trying to shake her tampon loose. Which, if you think about it, would have been pretty cool since the Grammy Awards seems really boring. I’d rather be dragged through a field of cactuses than sit through this.