Last week, Haylie Duff painted her sister Hilary’s baby bump with a picture of a wrapped present and the text “Happy Holidays”. Then Hilary posted the photo to Twitter with the caption, “Happy holidays from the three of us!! @HaylieK what would I do without you and your artistic ways!”

Cool story, huh, bro. Should I tell it again?

Haylie Duff was in the Bahamas at Cain at the Cove last weekend and we should congratulate her valiant attempt at hiding her horse face with sunglasses and pushed up tits. Nice try, Haylie. An A for effort. And, wait. Is that Ando? From Heroes? What’s that dork doing here? I don’t want to start any unfounded rumors, but that’s exactly what I’m going to do. He must be hittin’ that. Probably with a riding crop.

As The Houston Chronicle reported, Hilary Duff’s father was charged with contempt of court during his divorce hearing for violating an order barring him for selling assets (he sold stocks last month). He was ordered to pay $367,537 and led away in handcuffs to spend 10 days in jail. The rest of the hearing was about how much money Susan should get for Hilary’s 21st birthday party.

At the hearing, Susan took the stand to ask for $25,000 to fund a present and party for Hilary’s 21st birthday, which is Sept. 28.

It’s the same sum she and her husband spent on a ring and a party for Haylie when she turned 21 a few years ago, she said.

The $10,000 her husband pays her in interim support each month is “not even enough to pay my own bills” and certainly not enough to afford such expensive birthday treats, Susan testified. She said she has to rely on Hilary for financial help to pay her lawyers and other bills.

In his cross-examination, Piro asked Susan if her “adult millionaire daughter” would be upset if she did not receive an expensive gift and party for her birthday.

Susan replied that her daughter “is emotionally upset by the abandonment of her father” and deserves “to have some kind of recognition for a young life well-lived.”

Celebrities. They’re just like us! I remember when my mom threw me my 21st birthday party only valued at $6,000. That bitch. Do I look homeless? I expected a unicorn roasting on a spit, not this lame performance by Radiohead. Fuck you mom.

Hilary and Haylie. Haylie and Hilary. Seriously, genetic mutations probably exist in the loins of the Duff parental units. How else to explain their births to animal forms. At Tao Las Vegas, someone let this collie off her leash to “walk” the red carpet. Where’s her stylist? They could’ve made her face a lot shorter by wrapping a scarf around part of it. People love it when owners dress up their dogs. And check out those ankles. She would do so well chasing down deer. - CS

In news to me, Avril Lavigne and The Duffs are embroiled in a bitter feud which spilled over to the Maxim Hot 100 party. Despite their handlers making every effort to keep them apart at the event, the two arrived at the same time and created a “tension” as Avril threatened to leave and drove everyone crazy. So actually only Avril was causing the tension. The Duffs were too busy munching on carrots and oats to care. They have such beautiful manes.

Update: So, as commentor Shannon pointed out, if you go to the url in the picture, you’ll see Kim Kardashian has 1 friend. Still up for grabs is if Haylie’s page is real or not. This is like researching stool samples from two bums.

There are lots of kids running around creating fake celebrity MySpace profiles and taking on the online persona of said celebrity for no apparent reason other than to have some purpose in life otherwise they might just kill themselves. Anyway, that was somewhat of a disclaimer before I get into this B-list MySpace feud.

The newest online squabble comes at the hands of Haylie Duff and Kim Kardashian. Haylie Duff posted a blog venting about Kim calling her a horse. Come on Haylie. You have to admit. There is sort of a resemblance. Haylie writes,

“Stuff like this REALLY PISSES ME OFF. I try to reach out and be nice and instead it just gets shoved back in my face. This is why you should never move to Hollywood, the place is full of arrogant, immature, and offensive bitches who can’t hold their liquor and can’t keep their legs closed.”

And accompanies it with a screenshot of the two bickering back and forth through MySpace messages. The gist of it is Haylie forgives Kim for calling her a “stupid cunt” and wants to make up. Kim lulls Haylie into a false sense of security and says they should go watch DJ AM spin. Haylie agrees, but Kim pounces; responding with, “yeah im forgot i don’t hang out with horses plus im busy. slut.” Check and mate.

Assuming this is legit, peering into the lives of these two nitwits, a tingly sensation of superiority envelops you. At the same time, it also makes you want to punch them both in the face. Well, no. It makes you want to pee on one of them and shoot the other with a tranq dart.

Credit goes to Cindy whose detective work puts Sherlock Holmes to shame. According to her, this may be the real Haylie Duff because of that proof picture on her page and the profile is on Billie Piper’s and Kimberly Stewart’s top friends list.

The second screen shot after the jump.

Haylie Duff recently made her Broadway debut in Hairspray, an adaptation of the John Waters movie. A quick search reveals what it’s about

A ‘pleasantly plump’ teenager teaches 1962 Baltimore a thing or two about integration after landing a spot on a local TV dance show.

Looking through the character list of Hairspray I didn’t see a listing for “horse” which is what I assume Haylie Duff is playing. Here’s some creepy pictures of the Duffs at the debut.

Note: If you’re into disturbing movies and have never seen Pink Flamingos then I suggest you watch it now.