Out comes word today from Radar that Lindsay dated Heath at the time of his death. Dammit Lindsay! You robbed us of a Batman Sequel.

“And she was dating Heath when he died,” Dina reveals to Michael. “I don’t know if you know that, but I know cause I would drop her off and they were friends very, very close, ok?”…

Dina told Michael about the relationship because she was afraid for Lindsay’s life too: “Because when she’s drunk or takes an Adderall with it she will do something like Heath Ledger did in a second without thinking.”

Lindsay’s mother was also worried about her relationship with Samantha Ronson, telling Michael that she thought Lindsay should walk away but it wasn’t that easy of a decision for her daughter. “It’s very easy for a rational person to say. But for an irrational person who has a problem with her DNA and alcohol and Adderall and asthma and every other things she’s got wrong with her.”

This girl’s messed up. And Lindsay has asthma? That means sex with Heath should’ve left her breathless, not Heath.

There is no AI conspiracy: Yesterday, Alexis Grace was kicked off the show. Thus, disproving the rumors that AI is rigged. Unless they wanted to throw us off. Those sneaky devils. P.S. The hot one made it through.

More Heath Ledger material coming out: Indie rock group Modest Mouse plans to release the last video directed by Heath Ledger for their single, King Rat. It’s about a rat who becomes king or it could be not related to rats at all. I don’t know. What do I look like, an encyclopedia?

It’s not Kanye’s fault: A group called STOParazzi claims it was the photog’s fault that Kanye grabbed his camera and smashed it to the ground on September 11 of last year. They reason that celebrities no longer have privacy due to a mysterious man known as “The Party Crasher” who illegally sells private passenger manifests to outlets like TMZ. They vow to take down this “Party Crasher” turning the tables and making it his party that will be crashed. Muahaha. Muahahahaha.

John Mayer’s penis fell asleep: John Mayer has male genitalia?

Tom Sizemore is a master thief: Tom Sizemore stole a bunch of cell phones from a Verizon Wireless store in LA last week. To add insult to injury, he also made off with a pen and highlighter. He is now being investigated by the LAPD. Until then, the score is Tom Sizemore – 1, Verizon Wireless – 0. Eat it VZW.

T.R. Knight can’t drive: T.R. Knight collided with another car as he was going eastbound on Hollywood Blvd. and the other car was going westbound. Knight was protected by his celebrity shield while the passengers in the other car were not as lucky (they weren’t famous). They, a man and woman, were taken to the hospital.

Mask is not at fault: Carl “Mask” Lewis, who died in a car crash last week, was neither drunk nor was he street racing when his Ferrari was hit sending it into a pole and splitting it in half thereby killing him. The other driver in the Porsche, however, might have been doing both (drinking and street racing). Fate is funny that way.

Seven months ago, Heath Ledger died of an accidental overdose. I don’t know what investigators have been doing since then, but on Wednesday, his case was officially closed. Prosecutors have decided not to look into how Heath got his hands on the illegal painkillers that caused his death.

The decision comes after recent reports that actress Mary-Kate Olsen was demanding immunity before answering questions about the startling death of her close friend and his drug use. Authorities say she was the first person called by a masseuse who found the 28-year-old “Dark Knight” actor’s lifeless body in his Manhattan apartment.

The DEA had obtained a subpoena that could have forced Olsen if she continued to hold out. But the subpoena, issued in April, is no longer valid because it was contingent upon prosecutors pursuing the case, the official said Wednesday. The official added that the case could still be revived if evidence of a crime emerges.

Mary-Kate Olsen must have blew everyone at the DEA. That’s the only logical explanation.

Yesterday, the New York Post published a piece claiming the Feds were looking to question Mary-Kate Olsen about the death of Heath Ledger. Specifically, they wanted to ask her about two painkillers, OxyContin and Vicodin, that contributed to his overdose. Mary-Kate has agreed to speak with them, but only if she receives immunity. Despite this plea bargain, Mary-Kate’s lawyer denies she had anything to do with Heath’s death. He released this statement:

“Despite tabloid speculation, Mary-Kate Olsen had nothing whatsoever to do with the drugs found in Heath Ledger’s home or his body, and she does not know where he obtained them,” he said in a statement.

Miller added that “we have provided the government with relevant information including facts in the chronology of events surrounding Mr. Ledger’s death and the fact that Ms. Olsen does not know the source of the drugs Mr. Ledger consumed.

“We don’t know the source of the information being quoted in the media regarding the government’s inquiry, but these descriptions are incomplete and inaccurate.”

Um, what’s the immunity for then? Diseases? Someone should really tell Mary-Kate that the government doesn’t have the power to give her that kind of immunity. That’s something you get shots for. “Oh, but I don’t like needles,” Mary-Kate would say. God, so dumb, so dumb.

A spectacular movie combined with a strong viral marketing campaign and the sad, unexpected death of Heath Ledger helped Christopher Nolan’s The Dark Knight break major box office records. When all was said and done, The Dark Knight grossed $155.4 million making it the highest weekend opening ever for any film. The previous record was held by Spider-Man 3 which made $151.1M. Not only that, The Dark Knight also broke opening day and single day gross records making $51.3M and $39.9M respectively.

This whole movie was awesome and it was due largely in part to Heath Ledger’s superb portrayal of the Joker. That, along with the always great Christian Bale, Michael Caine and Morgan Freeman impressed even the fickle IMDB and Rotten Tomatoes crowd. As of right now it’s the number one movie in IMDB’s Top 250, above even The Godfather, with 46 thousand votes averaging to a very respectable 9.7 while at Rotten Tomatoes it has a 94%, an approval rating usually only reserved for cheesy Pixar movies.

In short, if you haven’t seen this movie yet, you suck at life. Heath Ledger is amazing and I got free tickets to the sold out IMAX screening on Saturday courtesy of some dude in the parking lot — I didn’t even have to perform any sexual favors! Score! — which made it even sweeter.

When Heath Ledger was 17-years-old, he had an affair with a 25-year-old woman. After they ended their relationship, the woman found out she was pregnant making it a very real possibility that Heath Ledger has an illegitimate child. This fact could complicate who gets what from his billion-dollar estate.

Yesterday, Ledger’s uncle, Hadyn Ledger said: “There is a very real possibility that Heath was the father.”

This reminds me of when I was 17 or 18. I was impregnating 25-year-olds all the time. I must have 10 or 20 bastard kids that I never send child support to. What do you have to say to that Heath?! Oh, right. Whoops.

The New York City medical examiner’s office ruled Tuesday that Heath Ledger died from an accidental overdose of prescription medications which included painkillers, anti-anxiety drugs and sleeping pills.

“Mr. Heath Ledger died as the result of acute intoxication by the combined effects of oxycodone, hydrocodone, diazepam, temazepam, alprazolam, and doxylamine,” the office said in a short statement.

“We have concluded that the manner of death is accident, resulting from the abuse of prescription medications.”

Apparently, Heath was an elephant suffering from insomnia, anxiety and chronic pain. Heath’s private funeral will take place Saturday in Perth, Australia. Sadly, I can’t make it. Australia is too far away and I hear dingoes will eat my baby. I don’t have a baby, but still, it sounds frightening.

Entertainment Tonight said it would broadcast a tape of Heath Ledger at a Hollywood party following the SAG awards in 2006 where he admitted to smoking a lot of pot when he was young. Gasp! The tape was originally obtained by Australia’s Channel 9 and will be aired by them tonight. ET on the other hand, decided against airing it after facing an increasing amount of pressure from Hollywood despite paying $200,000 for it. On the tape, Heath can be heard saying,

“I’m going to get serious s–t from my girlfriend,” Ledger tells his companions. “We just had a baby three months ago. “I shouldn’t be here at all,” he tells the guests, and then offers the admission: “I used to smoke five joints a day for 20 years.”

Page Six reported Heath snorted cocaine on film, but that was a lie. Someone else was snorting. Reading about all these people unearthing unrelated facts about Heath Ledger makes me wonder. Should I track down his first grade teacher and find out if he had any vices? Maybe one time he cheated on a test or, heaven forbid, kissed a girl because as we all know, whorishness at such a young age leads to experimentation with drugs such as heroin and cocaine in adulthood.

TMZ speculates that Heath Ledger may have died from natural causes at 28 years of age. Allegedly, the toxicity levels in Ledger’s system were negligible and it might have simply been a heart attack.

These sources say Heath’s heart stopped. It could have been a heart attack but it’s not certain, at least not yet. Although it’s bizarre that a 28-year-old could die of natural causes, it happens.

Of course, this is all hearsay until the official report is released, but there is one thing that’s certain. McDonald’s has dollar 6-piece chicken nuggets on Tuesday. Mmm. What? The promotion ended?! Noooooooooo! Nothing in life makes sense anymore!

On the day of Heath Ledger’s death, there weren’t many details on what happened once his body was discovered by masseuse, Diana Wolozin. Today, it’s been revealed, that when Diana found Heath unconscious, she phoned Mary-Kate Olsen three times before calling 911. Then ten minutes later, made a fourth and final call to Mary-Kate. OK! says Diana knew Mary-Kate and knew that Heath and Mary-Kate were friends which is why she called her first. In fact, such good friends that Mary-Kate finally released a statement on the second day after his death.

“Heath was a friend. His death is a tragic loss. My thoughts are with his family during this very difficult time.”

I wish Mary-Kate was my friend. I’d get one of those medic alert bracelets and program it to phone her instead of an ambulance. It’ll be like a Bat Signal for that horribly dressed chimney. I’m sure after 10 minutes of ignoring my cries for help, she’ll finally check her voicemail. I think if I were to ever actually do that, my only hope would be that I was fortunate enough to have a heart attack in the middle of the street. That way, whoever steals the wallet off my lifeless body might feel sorry for me and call 911.

You’ve seen and read about his last pictures, his last interview, his last days on set, his last voicemail and his last conversation. Now hear about his last time on the can. Sources close to the deceased star dish about the details of Heath Ledger’s final bowel movement.

“Heath was having a good time, eating burritos, laughing and then. Then that’s when things turned to shit. Hee hee. Heath clutched his stomach, doubled over and high-tailed it to the bathroom. Thirty minutes of moaning later. He came out. Worried. I should have seen the signs.”

One witness said,

“I saw it dude. It looked like he gave birth to a baby. A little brown baby made of corn.”

Heath Ledger died on January 22. His body was discovered by his masseuse and housekeeper. Paramedics were unsuccessful in their attempts to revive him with CPR.

Yesterday, WCBSTV reported drug packets with unknown substances and a rolled up $20 bill with narcotic residue were found in the apartment. Today, the AP reports that testing of the $20 came back clean and there were no illegal drugs found in the apartment. Notwithstanding, six different types of prescription drugs were in the room.

There were six different types of prescription drugs in the room, including pills to treat insomnia and anxiety, and an antihistamine, according to two law enforcement officials who spoke on condition of anonymity because the investigation is ongoing.

The law enforcement officials said three of the drugs were prescribed in Europe. Ledger had recently been filming in London.

The connection to Mary-Kate Olsen also became clear. The massage therapist who found Heath first called Mary-Kate because her number was programmed into Heath’s phone. Olsen said she would send her security there to help. Upon realizing Heath might be dead, the therapist once again called Olsen and then 911.

The most likely scenario now is Heath accidentally took a lethal combination of those prescription drugs. The most likely scenario for who took my salad dressing? Further investigation required.

A rolled up $20 bill with possible narcotic residue and several drug packets containing an unknown substance were discovered by police in Heath Ledger’s apartment. WCBSTV writes,

Those substances were officially vouchered, meaning they have been taken by police, listed in their initial reports, and sent to a lab for testing.

Commissioner Ray Kelly confirmed during a news conference Wednesday that the bill was found on the floor near Ledger’s bed and being taken for testing. But he added there was no visible residue on the bill.

To be clear, it’s still unknown whether these items belonged to Ledger, whether he even actually ingested them, or whether the substances are illegal.

One time I found a penny on my floor. It was from 1945. Sigh, no one ever comes to my place.

Update: There was no residue found on the $20.