Helena Bonham Carter showed up at the King’s Speech photocall at the VUE cinema in London, England looking like a recluse who hasn’t been out in public in 5 years. Turns out when your husband is Tim Burton you dress like a rebellious teenager from the 1800′s.

I wonder if Helena Bonham Carter dresses like this because she doesn’t pay attention to what event she’s going to. Like yesterday in Paris Tim Burton told her they were going to the Alice in Wonderland premiere but Helena shows up in this. Then Tim asks if this is what women wear to premieres and Helena says, “Premiere? I’m pretty sure you said funeral.” I don’t think Tim even bothers to tell her where they’re going anymore.

Helena Bonham Carter gave birth late Sunday to a baby girl. This is the second child for the couple who also have a 4-year-old son, Billy. In addition to this little miracle, Tim Burton and Helena found out they were nominated for Golden Globes during the birth.

“We were talking about inducing, and Tim got a call from his assistant,” Bonham Carter told PEOPLE before the birth. “I do look like a globe, so it’s kind of funny. I am very round.”

She also joked that it was probably hard on the baby while in utero to listen to Mom learning how to sing for her role in the musical. “Maybe the baby’s going to come out with his hands on his ears. ‘Shut up!’ ” she laughed.

I’m sure Helena singing about a murderous barber wasn’t all that bad. Imagine if you were in Paris Hilton’s womb. That would majorly suck. Paris’ first ultrasound would show the baby covering its ears with its newly developed hands. The next one would show the baby seemingly crying. The last one would show it trying to wrap the umbilical cord around its neck in a valiant effort to end a life of cleaning up mommy’s boyfriend’s used prophylactics before it even started.

If Sweeney Todd sucks, you can blame Helena Bonham Carter’s pregnancy breasts. The actress says her inflated chest affected the continuity of the film.

“Anyone who . . . pays attention to my breast size will see there’s no continuity,” she tells January’s Playboy. “The first half of filming I wasn’t pregnant, and the second half I was, and because we didn’t shoot it in order, I start off with huge breasts and then I walk upstairs and suddenly I’ve got tangerines again. It’s melons to tangerines.”

Yea, that’s really going to lower the quality of the film. I can’t tell you how many times huge boobs have gotten in the way of a great movie. Wait, yes I can. None. In fact, if Jessica Alba’s new horror movie, which is sitting at a 18% on Rotten Tomatoes, had a bunch of big breasted women randomly walking in and out of frame, it would have sucked far less and made more at the box office. I don’t have time to prove it to you right now, but I have a degree in Boobology… or was it Breastology? Whatever. The point is I have a degree in something so you can trust that I know what I’m talking about

Eight month pregnant Helena Bonham Carter wants you to quit giving her advice on how to take care of her fetus. More importantly, stop telling her caffeine will turn her baby into a mutant.

“People – particularly men – saying with surprise, ‘You’re still drinking caffeine?’ as if I’m performing a criminal act on my unborn as I tuck into my treasured one-a-day cup of tea/coffee. Yeah. You try nine months of gestation and self-abnegation before you start censoring my diet. Your mother was probably on vodka, and do you have three heads?”

If you were a guy, what would you say to that. Probably nothing because your mother was on vodka and now you’re mildly retarded. Check and mate, dumbass.