Apparently Calvin Harris and Rita Ora are dating now. The two made it official at a Daft Punk Album listening party earlier this week and last night they were at Proud Camden in London together. Sources say the two were openly kissing. *Faints with shock*

Calvin Harris definitely seems like a step up from Rob Kardashian. He can barely even see his penis after gaining so much weight. Suffice to say, the bar has been set really low.

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Charlize Theron and Seth Macfarlane are dating. I’ll give you a minute to let that sink in and for you to wipe that single tear rolling down your cheek.

The two supposedly met when she signed on to do his his new film, A Million Ways to Die in the West. Then they partied together after the Oscars. Now they’re totally doing it.

Here they are leaving dinner together in West Hollywood last night. Look at that big, stupid grin on Macfarlane’s face. The only thing missing from these pics are Seth pointing to Charlize from behind and then doing a couple crotch thrusts.

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Bradley Cooper, 38, is dating British model, Suki Waterhouse, 20. This after denying anything was going on between him and Jennifer Lawrence because “I could literally be her father.” Lawrence is 22. To be fair, Cooper never said the age difference was a problem. I think he was just stating facts when he said that to Entertainment Tonight.

But despite his insistence that he was far too old for the 22-year-old actress, Bradley Cooper has gone public with a woman even younger than Jennifer – 20-year-old British model Suki Waterhouse.

The 38-year-old actor flew the blonde beauty out to his film set in Boston, Massachusetts, on Monday. The pair wrapped up warm in the chilly city to enjoy some alone time with each other without any distractions. Daily Mail

Did anyone really buy that he thought the age difference was a problem? Guy’s follow a simple flowchart for relationships. It goes: Sex? -> 20-year-old model -> 10/10 would bang HURRY YOU’RE WASTING TIME!

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In an effort to marry all her daughters off to rich black men, with Kourtney ironically being the black sheep in her master plan, Kris Jenner has pimped out Kylie, 15, to Will Smith’s kid Jaden, 14.

The two were seen out in London on March 3 after having lunch at Caffee Nero. On March 2, the two were seen eating dinner at Nobu. On March 1, they were at Sophie’s Steak House allegedly kissing. Somehow this timeline feels backwards. You’re rounding the bases wrong, kid!

If you’re thinking this is moving a little fast, not to worry. They were chaperoned by a body guard and not Kris Jenner so you don’t have to worry about Kylie proposing marriage any time soon or ending the night with “put a baby in me.”

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Jennifer Lopez’s Casper Smart is 26 so naturally Marc Anthony has to find someone younger. And he did. Again. She’s 21-year-old Chloe Green who’s about three years younger than the model he was dating for a year, Shannon De Lima. Chloe’s dad, Topshop boss Sir Philip Green, is also a family friend.

The pair, who have a 23-year age gap, looked relaxed in each other’s company and seemed to be enjoying themselves on their first public outing since they began dating.

And Chloe seemed quite the natural at the step-mother routine.

She was seen laughing and joking with Marc’s five-year-old twins as she carried them around the park, gave them lots of cuddles and sat next to them on rides.

Although they’re not an obvious pairing, Marc and Chloe’s romance probably won’t come as too much of a surprise to Chloe’s dad as the singer is an old family friend. Metro

Marc’s girlfriends are getting younger and younger. By his next girlfriend, he’s going to have to explain what it was like before the internet and how he got his voice on those little discs she uses as coasters.

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January Jones won’t tell anyone who the father of her baby is. Possibly because they’re married or possibly because it’s none of our business. Who knows? Women, always so secretive about the comings and goings of their uterus.

Regardless, people now think she’s attracted to taken men. Ergo, why Star via Radar says January Jones and Liam Hemsworth, Miley Cyrus’ trophy fiance, were flirting at a pre-Oscars party.

“It looked like they had some hot chemistry,” an eyewitness at the event tells Star. “They were all over each other – and they even kissed!”

Meanwhile, Miley, who has been gushing about her relationship with the Hunger Games star in several recent interviews, even referring to him as her “hubby,” hit up the Elton John AIDS Foundation bash on Sunday night solo, where she was “all over the place,” a source tells Star.

Jones and Hemsworth partied together at the Chateau Marmont and even left in the same car. This could be a case of one friend giving another a ride or a case of January taking him to her place, pointing to her crotch and telling him to put a baby in her. Both scenarios make a lot of sense, honestly.

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Because future sexual partners will require full disclosure, Max George admitted to E! that he and Lindsay Lohan did “snog.” You’ve been warned, groupies.

While Max and The Wanted were at E! promoting their series premiering in June, he was asked about him and Lindsay. He said, “Yes, we did–a little one.”

He wanted to make it clear it’s over. That way other girls don’t have to worry about Lindsay going all single white female on them. “She’s a friend of all of ours and she is a lovely girl. We wish her all the best wherever she is.”

Hopefully Lindsay knows it’s over because she might be a little surprised when she checks her Google alerts.

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Leonardo DiCaprio is supposedly dating his Wolf of Wall Street co-star Margot Robbie. This was based off a picture of him with a girl that looked like Margot in Miami. Her rep denies it’s the 22-year-old Aussie actress but everyone assumes it’s her anyway because Leonardo DiCaprio.

Meanwhile, In Touch reports DiCaprio is also hooking up with Victoria’s Secret model Barbara Palvin. As you’ll remember, Justin Bieber tried to hook up with her at the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show or something. A friend of Leo told Hollywood Life, “Leo loves seeing lots of different girls. He can’t be alone.”

Well thank you Captain Obvious. I’d like to ask you another question. Is water wet?

So far DiCaprio has gone through a who’s who of VS models including Gisele Bundchen, Bar Refaeli, Anne V and Erin Heatherton. It’s like he just opens up a VS catalog, finds a girl and calls the agency like he was ordering a Russian bride. “Hello, Victoria’s Secret? I’d like your finest model. The one on page 17 will do today.” I’m not sure why, but that was supposed to be in an old-timey voice.

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Life & Style is reporting a story that no one will ever believe. That the reason for Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez’s breakup was an affair with Rihanna.

“It has devastated her,” a friend of Selena and Justin’s reveals in the new issue of Life & Style. “It really cut like a knife because it happened in February of 2011, when Selena and Justin had been dating for months and were falling in love. It’s caused Selena to question their entire relationship.”

Justin Bieber. Had sex with Rihanna.

Though Justin and Selena, who have been dating since late 2010, have been off and on in recent months as work kept them apart, this devastating piece of information caused her to break things off for good, says the friend. Now, “Selena thinks maybe they’ve been hooking up all along,” their friend tells the mag.

That guy up top. With Rihanna.

An insider reveals that they spent time together in NYC while taping the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show in November 2012. “During breaks, they’d sneak away to the Hotel Giraffe,” the source tells Life & Style. “They were alone — their security made sure of it. Hotel staff blocked off the entire floor for them.”

The world’s swaggiest twink. With RiRi.

A rep for Justin denies anything physical happened with the “S&M” singer. And the friend believes he’ll never confess and let down his fans. “Justin would never admit to it; he would never tell anyone he messed around with Rihanna.”

Bwahahahahaha. If Rihanna landed in Justin’s lap, he wouldn’t know what to do with her. It’d just be 10 minutes of awkward silence followed by, “Soooo do I put my hand on your boob now?”

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Talking to Celebuzz, Snooki said that when they were in LA for the first time, she saw Pauly D flirting with Lindsay Lohan and she thinks they may have hooked up.

“It was the first time in L.A. and I feel like she was flirting with Pauly — and I feel like they made out,” Snooki told Celebuzz in an exclusive interview. “But it was like three years ago.” Celebuzz

“Feel like” means she’s not sure. It should be easy to figure out though. When you saw Lindsay afterward, did she have a large, orange tan stain around her mouth as if she just blew George Hamilton? If so, then we have a winner.

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