Last week there was a report that The Situation completely bombed at Comedy Central’s roast of Donald Trump. The Situation blamed it on him wearing sunglasses during his bit. Except the only reason he wore them was so no one could see him reading off the teleprompter so it was the lesser of two evils. On the other hand, maybe his performance was blown out of proportion and he actually didn’t do too bad.

Ha ha, that’s a good one. The episode finally aired and The Situation was indeed terrible. So terrible that even Ice-T lowered his head in shame.

Clearer, shorter clip at Radar.

Update: Jokes that didn’t make the cut from TMZ. All of which were terrible.

- “Yo Snoop, what up dawg … you know you have so much in common with Donald Trump? Trump’s ancestors were into real estate … and your ancestors were considered property.”
- “I’m not from New Jersey … I was born in Staten Island which is a New York borough … not to be confused with the burro Marlee Matlin bl*ws onstage in Tijuana … ”
- “Relax, she didn’t even hear it … I mean hey, at least her mouth is good for something right? Hey, that was definitely some great work Marlee … have you ever done anything else actually?”
- “Larry King is rockin’ the Armani diaper … Seth MacFarlane is sporting Victoria’s Secret … panties. And Snoop is wearing a Louis Vuitton condom … nah, I’m just kidding, he don’t wear condoms, you know that!”
- “I like Larry King … he’s a playa … he actually wrote a book named ‘Mr. King Is Having a Heart Attack’ … he got that title from a hooker he was f**king.”
- “Trump is a good looking dude … if your eyes are like Marlee Matlin’s ears.”

Ice-T was arrested in New York City on his way to the vet today for driving with a suspended license. He was originally pulled over for not wearing a seat belt. He was taken into custody and then released. Coco had this to say about the incident on her Twitter:

Yes,Ice was arrested this morning but we don’t know what the hell for!He’s been released..We got pulled over for not wearing seatbelts.

I believe when the cop saw Ice he immediately had a hard-on for him & he wanted 2 take him in for something,anything!He was released already

Drama day… 1st I took my dog to get surgery,then Ice got arrested.That was the worst feeling 2 see him in handcuffs……….

….Then 5 minutes later I get pulled over for talking on the phone….What next?Now its media overload for stupid shit!

Whatever. Who cares. You know this is going to blow over in 30 minutes and Coco’s righteous indignation is going to be replaced by her deciding which photo of her tits and ass she’s going to post on Twitter. In fact, 10 minutes later, she posted the picture above.

This year’s sluttiest Halloween costume goes to Coco. Accordingly, this year’s most awkward Halloween picture goes to Ice-T and Coco. You can see how they won that honor by the 10 foot radius people created around them. Finally, this year’s most random Halloween pairing goes to Rihanna and Coco. Their willingness to stand around and make everyone go “W-T-F is an inspiration to us all.

I want you to do something. Imagine Ice-T’s girlfriend Coco. Now imagine her dressing up for Halloween. What kind of costume is she wearing? Is it something demure and understated? Of course not. It’s been scientifically proven she’s allergic to that type of stuff. One time she dressed conservatively and she almost burst into flames.

Ice-T and his big booty wife Coco talked to Heyman Hustle about the secret to their incredible sex life. Not sure why anyone wants to know how Ice-T keeps her happy, but Coco says it’s because of the “stroke”. Don’t want to know anymore? Well, too bad.

“We have a certain Stroke he does and he surprises every now and then with a different Stroke.”

Ice then teased: “Sex is 90 per cent mental. It happens in the brain, so she thinks my Stroke is special – but it’s the way I’ve got her head believing it’s something special.

“And that’s what adds to the Stroke.

“You can come in and hit it on a swing, but it ain’t gonna be the Stroke!’

I’m not sure what Ice-T means by the swing. Asking him to explain it would probably bring about the same unpleasant visual imagery as asking him to explain this stroke thing did. I could never watch these two in a sex tape. I don’t have the testicular fortitude. Although, if I had to imagine it, it would be Coco sitting on Ice-T’s face with her huge ass. Coco will think Ice is slapping her behind because he’s enjoying it. In reality, he’s actually trying to tap out like in the UFC. When she disengages her 50 inch ass, you’d see this euphoric expression on Ice-T’s face and he won’t be moving. At all. You’ll think he’s in a coma and you’d most likely be correct because you can’t just go around smothering guy’s faces with your butt and expect them to breathe properly.

Since we’re on the topic of shocking. What’s more shocking about this picture. Coco being naked on stage, Coco’s massive fake breasts, Coco grabbing Ice-T’s nuts, Ice-T’s quizzically pained expression, that Ice-T is still performing or the fact that people are still paying to watch Ice-T perform? I await your answers in the comments. Full image here. Definitely NSFW.

“Your mother sucks cock in hell”

At Maxim’s Hot 100 party, Ice-T and Coco were removed from their bottle-service table to make room for Hilary and Haylie Duff. Coco was pissed. Ice-T was too embarrassed to be pissed. I figure I would kill myself if that ever happened. That or pretend I didn’t hear the maitre d’. Crying works too. Everyone is uncomfortable when a guy starts bawling. Prepare to squirm people. You’ve never seen snot bubbles like these.

Ice-T has professed his desire to fight in an MMA match or as the article ignorantly proclaims “Ultimate Fighting”. The only reason I am talking about this is I watch MMA regularly and this makes me giggle. Ice-T is 48 and even if he has enough skill to hang with the lower echelon, I doubt his body will stand up to that kind of abuse. So if he wants to fight, let him fight big. Set him up with Chuck or Wanderlei and I’ll have the time of my life watching it because I always love to be entertained at other people’s expense.