Jessica Lowndes is one of the stars of the 90210 remake, but no one knows that because that show is god-awful and no one watches shows that slowly suck the life out of you which is why she pushed her breasts up for the premiere of Inglourious Basterds. Jessica Lowndes is very proactive.

Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt showed up to the premiere of Inglorious Basterds last night as the most beautiful people ever. She’s 35 but still looks absolutely amazing. I bet when she dies, she’d still look 100 times better than Tara Reid.

Every time she spreads her legs it must be like when they open up that briefcase in Pulp Fiction. I hear if you put your penis in her, it turns into solid gold.

Brad Pitt told the Daily Mail that since he’s a dad now, his partying ends at 6 p.m. Someone should really get him a watch because yesterday after the Berlin premiere of Inglourious Basterds, Pitt partook of the fine German lager at the after-party until 2 a.m. with Quentin Tarantino and Diane Kruger while Angelina stayed home with the six kids. He left pretty drunk and then ended the night by doing blow off of Diane Kruger’s tits. Okay, I lied about the last part. It was actually me who did blow off Diane Kruger’s tits.

Tarantino’s Inglourious Basterds stars Brad Pitt, Eli Roth, Diane Kruger, Mike Meyers and B.J. Novak? What? Anyway, here’s the teaser trailer. If you’re wondering how this movie is going to play out, just imagine Grindhouse mixed with Battle Royale with indiscriminate killing of Nazis. Crap. Nazis. That’s probably where I went wrong with my movie. Mine was exactly the same concept except in my version, they were killing ugly people.