I’d buy advance tickets right now and camp out for Iron Man 2 today if this actually happened in the movie. Maybe this will be a stinger? God I hope this is a stinger. I’d have an orgasm if Gwyneth Paltrow was punched in the face by Iron Man.

The new trailer for Iron Man 2 just came out and if you just heard what sounded like the shrill, piercing scream of a 9-year-old girl, that was me! I haven’t been this excited since I found out M&M’s came in different colors for different holidays.

Bad ass man in iron suit. War Machine! Guns firing! Explosions! Moar explosions! Scarlett Johansson in leather. Ahhhhh! Quick. Give me a bag. I have to hyperventilate.

Here’s another clearer shot of Scarlett Johansson from Iron Man 2. This raises serious questions about the film. For example, can Tony Stark get an erection in that suit of iron? Will said erection attempt to rip through his suit causing him excruciating pain? Is that his true weakness? But more importantly, does Scarlett get naked? Internet fanboys want to know.

Gwyneth Paltrow is upset that Scarlett Johansson is bumping her out of all the promos for Iron Man 2. Paltrow feels she’s being overlooked. While a spokesman for Paltrow says this is not the case and that her character, Pepper Potts, will be revealed later on, you know Paltrow is taking the cover of EW and poking holes in Scarlett’s face with her finger. From the NYDN:

“Gwyneth was afraid she’d be upstaged by Scarlett and not being in the campaign was the final straw,” a source said. “She is furious she’s been left out.”

I agree. Paltrow should be pissed. Just because Scarlett is younger, hotter, sexier, dressed in leather and every man’s fantasy, doesn’t mean Gwyneth shouldn’t be there too. Wow. I couldn’t even write that without cracking up. Maybe she can vent in her next GOOP newsletter. Right before she gives the home remedies she uses to naturally rejuvenate her vagina.

Entertainment Weekly has the first shots of Scarlett Johansson as the Black Widow in Iron Man 2. If you have no idea who Black Widow is, then let EW explain. I’ll be over her staring at Scarlett in leather.

Adding more flesh and blood to the new movie, Scarlett Johansson joined the cast as Stark’s mysterious new assistant, Natasha, who has an alter ego of her own, Black Widow. That introduction inevitably sparks romantic tension between Stark and former assistant Pepper Potts (Gwyneth Paltrow), who’s been promoted to CEO of Stark Industries. “The men want it to be, like, ‘Ooh, the girls are fighting over Tony,’ but it’s not as standard as that,” says Paltrow. “There’s a weird male catfight fantasy. Downey agrees. He believes what differentiates the franchise from other superhero series can be summarized as follows: “We’re horny. Not, like, can’t-bring-your-kids horny, but just…horny.”

A super fight between Black Widow and Pepper Potts? If this was real life, I’d be calling for Scarlett to suffocate Gwyneth with her breasts. “Use your boobs and hold them to her face!,” I’d scream. Then again, I’d be shouting the same thing for the movie too. Now that I think about it, I guess that was a good enough reason to ban me from AMC when I did that during My Sister’s Keeper.

The cover after the jump.

According to The Sun, there’s an onset feud brewing between Gwyneth Paltrow and Scarlett Johansson. Scarlett is hogging the spotlight what with her natural sexiness. Additionally, not only was Gwyneth anticipating working with Emily Blunt instead of Scarlett, but now she has put up with being dressed in pants suits while Johansson is running around in the movie wearing catsuits and carrying guns which is how it should be.

One Hollywood source revealed yesterday: “Gwyneth has become very frustrated with Scarlett.

“They come from different worlds and have completely different styles.

“Gwyneth has found Scarlett very demanding of the attention of the crew. It’s not a happy set.”

Gwyneth’s had to live with that and she has been very professional, but she and Scarlett haven’t developed a friendship on the shoot, which is almost at the half way point.

Is it any wonder that Gwyneth Paltrow hates Scarlett Johansson? She’s young, has big tits, hot and is basically the exact opposite of Paltrow. If they were to eat a hot dog, Scarlett would be the one deep-throating it and Gwyneth would be the one cutting it up with a fork and knife. Because she’s a humorless bitch, you see.

When news hit that Terrence Howard was replaced by Don Cheadle in the next Iron Man installment, fans experienced thirty seconds worth of shock. The story was Howard was axed because he was holding out for more money but in an interview with NPR, Howard said he learned about the news the same way we common folk did.

It was the surprise of a lifetime. There was no explanation. [The contract] just…up and vanished. I read something in the trades implicating that it was about money or something, but apparently the contracts that we write and sign aren’t worth the paper that they’re printed on, sometimes. Promises aren’t kept, and good faith negotiations aren’t always held up.

Breaking up via third party sources is always tricky. Especially when the person you’re breaking up with knows where you live and may have a trash can or two full of used baby wipes to tp your house with.

Warner Bros. has replaced Terrence “Baby Wipes” Howard with Don Cheadle in the upcoming Iron Man 2 due to “financial differences.” Cheadle will take over the role of Jim Rhodes who will eventually become War Machine.

Marvel had no comment about the decision but was later seen crying like a 14-year-old girl going through her first break-up.

Edward Norton’s The Hulk hopes to revitalize the falling green monster franchise with better cgi — looks the same — a new Bruce Banner, a new Betty Ross and a surprise cameo by Robert Downey Jr. who reprises his role as Iron Man aka Tony Stark. Usually, these types of crossovers are kept secret until people actually go watch the film, but Marvel is attempting a new strategy in acknowledging The Hulk might suck and instead, aiming to build off the popularity of Iron Man.

A better strategy would have been to ask Leslie Bibb from Iron Man to get naked. That would be cool because she’s hot. Oh and they could drip honey over her body and then have her suck on a banana and do other sexy things with fruits. The Hulk? What?

As expected, Iron Man, currently at 94% on Rotten Tomatoes, dominated the box office over the weekend raking in $104.2 million to become the second-best premiere ever for a nonsequel. This was also the first release by Marvel Studios without the backing of major studios. Which goes to show Spider-Man may have sucked far less had this happened earlier. They should have screwed the franchise more by making Peter Parker gay and then having him anal raped by Venom. It couldn’t have been more fruity than that dance number. Trailing behind Iron Man was Made of Honor earning a relatively low $15.5 million. And behind that… eh, who cares.

The new Iron Man trailer hit the web yesterday in glorious HD. With this and the Dark Knight, expect to hear every guy around you have one big nerdgasm. For those unaware, a nerdgasm is the rustling of comic book pages followed by intense pushing up of black rimmed glasses.

The Iron Man panel at SDCC. Gwyneth Paltrow looking like a zombie, Terrence Howard sitting there twiddling his thumbs, Jon Favreau rambling and Robert Downey Jr. in character. A lot more after the jump.