Ivanka Trump and Jared Kushner are expecting their first child. Hopefully it’ll take on Ivanka’s genes and come out with a floppy toupee and a sour expression yelling “you’re fired” to its umbilical cord.

“I have been wanting to share some amazing news with you all for some time… I’m pregnant!” the Celebrity Apprentice co-host and jewelry designer, 29, wrote on her Twitter account Friday. “Jared and I couldn’t be more excited.” The mom-and-dad-to-be stepped out in NYC on Thursday night, catching a special screening of No Strings Attached, hosted by the Cinema Society and DKNY Jeans with DeLeón Tequila.

Ivanka’s famous mogul dad Donald Trump tells UsMagazine.com of the news: “I am very happy for Ivanka and Jared. They are wonderful young people!”

Judging by the way he describes his own daughter, Donald sounds like he’ll be a very warm granddad. When Ivanka gives birth, Donald will call it matter-of-factly,  “a fine grandson/granddaughter, very pink,” and then he’ll clear his throat and remind everyone to watch The Apprentice, Mondays at 8/9 central while offering them a Werther’s Original.

Ivanka Trump admits that being young, blond and looking a certain way (big ta-ta’s) has its advantages. The 26-year-old daughter of real estate powerhouse Donald Trump tells the New York Times,

“and I tell myself, ‘Why not have a little fun with that?’ “

Rich, blond white girls with huge tits always want to go crazy and pose for Playboy or release a sex tape at some point in their lives. It’s genetic I think. This is what I assume Ivanka Trump was talking about and not something benign like scamming a few drinks from men at bars because that would be boring as hell. I want to see her being jackhammered by a black guy, not hear about how some dude bought her a drink, got laughed at and then tried to hang himself in the men’s room.

I’m going to change that picture once I find a better one showing off her “looks”.

MSN says there’s an ongoing feud between Ivanka Trump and Paris Hilton I wasn’t aware of. Apparently, Ivanka Trump is tired of being compared to Paris Hilton. She says she’s nothing like her. Her boobs are so much bigger.

“I work 13-hour days for my money,” the 25-year-old former model, who now works for dad Donald’s business, told the London Express. “I bought my house from my father — I have a mortgage, you know.”

Only Ivanka Trump could equate having a mortgage to being better than Paris. If you read through that quote you’ll see former model, dad Donald and bought house from father. Yea, her life has been a roller coaster ride of ups and downs. Not like a thought bubble doesn’t appear over a person’s head when you introduce yourself as Something Trump. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying Ivanka characterizes her life as tumultuous, but this debate is like two old people arguing over who wears the more absorbent diapers. And how much do you want to bet those 13-hour work days include 6 hours of making love to a lens.

Andy Dick is my hero. No, not really. Andy Dick is an attention starved kid who does nothing but annoy the hell out of people. Ivanka Trump took time off from squeezing her suddenly larger breasts together to appear on the Jimmy Kimmel Show. Andy Dick started molesting her for whatever reason and was forcibly removed. So to recap. Andy Dick was on a talk show. I read somewhere that this is one of the signs of the Apocalypse.

For those that don’t know, you can get the feed emailed to you daily. Now some notes about Vegas. It was cold as hell while the line for Pure was 300 people long. Next time I’m gonna figure out how to get on the VIP list so I can just woosh in after a buffet.

• Lindsay Lohan pisses off a line of girls at club Les Deux by taking 20 minutes in the bathroom. [Celebitchy]
• Jessica Simpson has a penis. [A Socialite's Life]
• Courtney Cox’s BFF Jennifer Aniston is set to guest star on Dirt. [Evil Beet]
• Ivanka Trump at the Golden Globes. [Celebrity Smack]
• Donald Trump gets a star. [Ninjadude]
• Jessica Simpson’s boobs get in the way. [Glitterati]
• Justin Timberlake in Alpha Dog. [Pajiba]
• Renee Zellweger and Luke Perry. [Celebslam]