Come join me in watching Will Smith’s son Jaden and Jackie Chan in The Karate Kid remake, won’t you? Forget that it’s set in China and karate is a Japanese martial art and that the karate in this movie was changed to kung fu yet the title still remains The Karate Kid. Also, forget that Jaden is only 11 while Ralph Macchio was in his 20′s when he played the role of Daniel Larusso. These facts have no bearing on the movie whatsoever. Yea, Jaden seems a little undersized, but that’s inconsequential once Jackie Chan teaches little Jaden to “jacket off.”

Finally, Jackie Chan’s next movie won’t be co-starring Chris Tucker and neither will it begin with the words “Rush Hour” and end in a number. In fact, it won’t even be Kung Fu comedy. Chan, who’s starred in all three Rush Hour series, each one getting progressively worse, takes on a darker role in his upcoming Chinese gang thriller titled the “Shinjuku Incident.” The film’s director, Derek Yee, will not even release it in China because he doesn’t want to tone down the violence.

Speaking to the Associated Press, Chan says he aspires “to be Asia’s Al Pacino or Robert DeNiro.” Which may not actually be a good thing these days. The AP adds:

Chan said it was tough shedding his flashy kung fu moves and cheeky grins for his new movie.

“The director would tell me, ‘your laugh is too cute,’ or in a fight scene, ‘you can’t move too dramatically,” Chan said.

The director asked him to move as if he didn’t know kung fu: “Wow, it was so difficult.”

What a coincidence. Directors tell me to tone down my sexiness and masculinity all the time. I spend six hours in makeup just so they can hide my biceps and chiseled abs because they’re so perfect, it’s almost unrealistic. Although, the one thing I can’t do is pretend not be extremely lethal. Even when I walk, each step is taken with deadly accuracy. Hi-ya!

Either Thursday or Friday, Edison Chen is expected to return to Hong Kong for the first time since his pictures leaked. Edison is said to be coming back to help police catch the “crazy man” releasing the photos. Gillian Chung also returned to work and ignored questions from the press. Kira, the man or men responsible for leaking the photos, has remained silent for the past couple of days. His inactivity and the fact that Gillian was smiling at her press conference has led people to believe EEG, Gillian’s record company, or someone else has paid him off. Cecilia and Nicholas have split as a result of the photos which showed Cecilia still sleeping around with Edison while they were together.

Of course, all of what has happened has fostered a few conspiracy theories. Some of which are posted under the cut.

Fun fact: In Gillian’s speech she said she was naive. On her nightstand is a bottle of KY Jelly.

Jackie Chan’s involvement
The pictures that were released were stills taken from video. These were used as bargaining chips for a pay off. The rumor is in the video Edison asks Gillian who’s better in bed. Him, Jackie Chan or Albert, the owner of EEG. Not to tarnish the reputation of one of the most internationally known actors in Hong Kong with the Olympics looming, they decide to pay Kira off.

HK$10 million payout
More than one person was releasing the photos. They were paid 10 million HKD or 1.3 million USD to stop releasing.

Gillian Chung used as bait
Gillian Chung’s public appearance was used to lure Kira out of hiding which it never did.

Kira in hiding
Kira is waiting for Edison to return to Hong Kong to release more pictures to embarrass him.

If you’ve been following this thing at all, you’ll know this Edison Chen thing has gone on for two weeks or so. Gillian Chung finally made her first public appearance today telling everybody that she was naive and foolish. Meanwhile, Hong Kong police say they’ve captured a ninth suspect. Apparently, Hong Kong police are a lot like the LAPD because they can’t get anything right. Even as the ninth suspect remains in custody, the oft sought after pictures of Maggie Q are being slowly released. This message was posted before Gillian made her appearance.

Today is the day when Gill will meet the fans for the first time after the scandal. I wanted to release her vid at the same time. However, due to a certain reason, I was not able to. Now I decide to release 3 vids at 3:00 am. The content are 1. the original video of the pre-released photos, and 2. some new materials that haven’t been shown in the photos before.

Be Patient!!!!!!

PS: Stop arresting the scapegoats. If you’re capable enough, come get me!

The Maggie Q pictures seem genuine and the picture kind of confirms it’s from Edison Chen’s collection. [Correction: See below] Other rumors circulating are that even Jackie Chan plays some sort of role in the leaked video tapes. Police may be trying to downplay this because Jackie is doing the torch passing ceremony at the Beijing Olympics. Which brings me to my point. Jackie Chan is awesome. He bangs a lot of chicks and knows martial arts. It’s like every 12-year-old’s wet dream.

Apparently, the pics are just from promos for Edison’s clothing line. Does this mean Kira is caught? [Thanks Lace!] I haven’t been in this much suspense since I remembered I was lactose intolerant after drinking a gallon of milk.

Jackie Chan is frustrated with Hollywood’s restrictions on his stunts based on stupid rules about “safety.”

“There are so many safety and insurance rules to follow,” Chan said in an interview on his Web site Sunday. “I know that they want to make sure that I’m safe when I do my stunts, but sometimes they insist that I use protective gear for even simple things, and that is frustrating. It takes so much time.”

“In Hong Kong we just go ahead and do what needs to be done. There is no safety captain on the set. I use my own stunt team because they have experience and I trust them to make the action and stunts safe.”

Jackie Chan paints Hollywood as a bunch of feeble minded housewives too scared to allow stunts to be done his way because of archaic logic. This man has been pissing on death’s face for years and he’s still here. There’s no reason a bunch of ninnies should be able to stop this mad genius.