Jaden Smith is 12-years-old which means he’s either in 6th or 7th grade. The fact that a 6th grader has a bodyguard is mind boggling. But there was Jaden, showing up at Jake T. Austin’s 16th birthday party protected by security.

He joined other young stars at yet-to-open adult playhouse Beacher’s Madhouse at Hollywood’s Roosevelt Hotel. Guests at the Onitsuka Tiger-sponsored bash included Selena Gomez, David Henrie, Kyle Massey, Chris Massey, Chelsea Staub, Jennifer Stone and Boo Boo Stewart. A source said, “Jaden won a dance-off with another kid. When the girls asked him to go out after the party he said, ‘I’m only 12, I’ve got to go home to my parents.’ “

Ugh. First his parents name him a cutesy name after his mother, then he rapes Karate Kid and now he has a bodyguard protecting him from strangers with candy and kids who make fun of him. I know none of this is directly his fault, but what a douche. His classmates should kick his ass on principle.

Come join me in watching Will Smith’s son Jaden and Jackie Chan in The Karate Kid remake, won’t you? Forget that it’s set in China and karate is a Japanese martial art and that the karate in this movie was changed to kung fu yet the title still remains The Karate Kid. Also, forget that Jaden is only 11 while Ralph Macchio was in his 20′s when he played the role of Daniel Larusso. These facts have no bearing on the movie whatsoever. Yea, Jaden seems a little undersized, but that’s inconsequential once Jackie Chan teaches little Jaden to “jacket off.”

Will Smith’s son Jaden, 10, has been cast as the next Daniel Larusso in Hollywood’s latest attempt at raping my childhood, a remake of The Karate Kid. Variety reports:

The script is being written by Chris Murphy, and the film will shoot next year in Beijing and other cities. While the new film will be set in that exotic locale, it will borrow elements of the original plot, wherein a bullied youth learns to stand up for himself with the help of an eccentric mentor.

Jaden is more than qualified because as stated, Smith is a martial arts practioner. Even though he’s 10. And Ralph Macchio’s character was 16. Is this going to be like The Karate Kid at all? The most bullies do in fourth grade is call you names. Using karate to kick their asses might be a little much. Although… breaking their femurs would probably get them to stop calling you “doodiehead.” Okay, I changed my mind. This could work.