Jake Gyllenhaal and Rashida Jones were spotted over the weekend lunching together which in Hollywood means those two are totally doing it. But much like every other relationship he’s had with a woman, this will end soon enough. He likes to keep his beard contracts short.

Reese Witherspoon and Taylor Swift finally hung out after bonding at the Academy of Country Music Awards over the fact that they’re both from Tennessee. They got lunch at Boa Steakhouse last week and ended up talking about their mutual ex, Jake Gyllenhaal.

“They talked about how vain and self-aborbed Jake can be,” a source tells Us Weekly. “They laughed about it.”

Jake Gyllenhaal’s exes getting together for lunch to laugh about how he stares into the mirror every night and asks who in the land is the fairest of all? Yep. Looks like everything went as expected.

“Handth in the air and thpread ‘em. I hope you like a man in uniform becauth thingth are about to get nathty.”

For reference, Jake Gyllenhaal filming End of Watch in LA on Tuesday. That or a really elaborate strip tease.

Bear Grylls and Jake Gyllenhaal (hoo boy, that’s a lot of l’s) traveled to Iceland to spend time in the wild and attempt to survive. Spoiler: they did. In between coffee and donut breaks, Jake even faced his fear of heights head-on. As for food, they tried to eat a dead sheep but couldn’t because it was rotten. No matter. Just talk to craft service and they’ll get you some lamb shank. For shelter, they dug a hole in the snow and had hot chocolate before falling asleep together. Wow, this is getting gay pretty fast.

Later, they took their shirts off, held hands and had a romantic stroll through ice water. Things get sort of awkward when the cameraman zooms in on a shirtless Jake while he got dressed. The cameraman snaps out of his bromance and pans to Bear to try and play it off.

So if you want to watch two dudes bond over hot chocolate and a shirtless romp through water, check out the five parts after the jump.

If you haven’t heard, Jake Gyllenhaal guest stars on an upcoming episode of Man Vs Wild which premieres July 11. To hype up the episode, Discovery posted a few shots of the two having a Brokeback moment. Aw, how cute.

At one point, I fully expect Jake to ask, “Hey, you know how often times you have to drink urine for water? So… do you pee in my mouth now or later?” Note that Will Ferrell will be another guest star and I expect him to ask the same question. The only difference is Will will be joking.

Olivia Wilde divorced her husband so she could sow her wild oats, meaning, she wanted to bang a bunch of hot famous dudes before she got too old like Jennifer Aniston. She’s been rumored to have hooked up with celebs from Justin Timberlake to Bradley Cooper but most recently she was spotted at the Chateau Marmont flirting with Jake Gyllenhaal.

Jake Gyllenhaal was cracking up and laughing with pals during a lively night at West Hollywood’s Chateau Marmont – but the actor gave special attention to one woman: Olivia Wilde. The two were very flirty, an onlooker says, acting “touchy-feely.” Says the onlooker: “At one point, he had his hand on hers.” Still, the two weren’t overly affectionate with each other. “Olivia was very cool,” the onlooker says, “and wasn’t fawning over Jake but seemed to like the attention he was giving her.” Alas, at the end of the evening the two went their separate ways. [PEOPLE]

This is a good PR move. Fame works much like osmosis does. The more time you spend with a famous person, the more of that person’s fame gets transferred to you. It’s basic science, really.

Jake Gyllenhaal isn’t too broken up about his pointy chinned ex getting married. Not at all. He’s so unbroken up about it that he’s out dating a girl who looks “like a cross between Rachel McAdams and Taylor Swift.” So, mousey and pale with a chest like a 12-year-old boy. Is that it? This can’t be good for those gay rumors.

“Jake was in a dark-blue pullover and jeans, and the girl was wearing a ruffled blouse and jeans,” adds our source. “It was a casual meeting in the back corner booth. They were laughing and enjoying each other’s company.”

We saw the accompanying cell-phone pic, which was really too grainy to publish. But one thing was crystal clear about Jake’s mood: That guy gives animated private-booth face. Dude was workin’ it for the blondie babe, for sure.

Not sure what private booth face is. I can only assume it’s the face you make to distract your date from smelling a fart you just laid. Jake must know the first rule of date farts: distraction. I’m sorry, that’s the second rule. The first rule is “Do not talk about date farts.”

As was reported by “bloggers” at SXSW, someone tried to take a picture of Jake Gyllenhaal at the urinal mid-stream. Jake was there for the premiere of Source Code which kicked off South By Southwest Friday night when he needed to take a leak. Turns out that may have not been the perfect time to take a picture of him because Jake, having done kegel exercises for years, stopped mid-pee, I’m assuming, and threw the would-be photographer up against the wall.

“Gyllenhaal apparently grabbed the dude mid-photo, threw him against the wall and was like, ‘are we really gonna do this right now?’” Tweeted Cinematical’s Erik Davis.

And JoBlo, who reportedly was in the men’s room when the “fight” occurred, updated, “Guy just tried to take Jake Gyllenhaal’s picture while he was taking a leak. Cops came. Brouhaha ensued.”

In Jake’s defense, I’d have done the same thing. But I’d also have kicked the guy in the balls, slapped him in the face with a urinal cake and finished peeing. Doing that is pretty much a guaranteed ass kicking.

Jake Gyllenhaal allegedley dumped Taylor Swift over the phone a while ago but the two might not be done yet because they both hit up Bound’ry, a restaurant near Taylor’s Nashville condon, on Wednesday where they were led back to a table for two.

A diner told PEOPLE “they did eat” and that “they were cordial to one another, but not affectionate.” Another person who couldn’t mind their own business said, “there was no holding hands, but they seemed happy together. They sat next to the fireplace just chatting away.”

You can’t dump a girl by phone these days without people expecting you give her some closure and thus being forced into a fake pr stunt this is. That’s why I prefer to dump my girlfriends with a note written with letters I cut out from a magazine. That way they think I’m a lunatic and never want to speak to me again out of fear.

A source tells PEOPLE that Jake Gyllenhaal and Taylor Swift have ended their white dressed, unicorn romance. “They’re over. It ended last month,” says the source.

Jake and Taylor were last seen together on Dec. 9. There’s no confirmation yet from the two but they spent the holidays and their birthdays apart.

The good news is we get to hear Taylor Swift sing another song about her ex-boyfriend. At this point it just sounds like she’s bragging. “Hey, look how many famous dudes I’ve nailed!”

Taylor Swift celebrated her 21st birthday at her Nashville home with Jake Gyllenhaal on Monday night. Sources say she and Jake were reportedly “cuddly” and “obsessed” with each other. Also, there was no drinking. What kind of GD 21st birthday party is this?

Although she’s now of legal age, Swift didn’t drink alcohol at the Christmas-themed bash, the reveler says. In fact, the source says, “no one was drinking” during the fete. But she and Gyllenhaal were “cuddly and so cute” and “obsessed” with one another, the reveler says.

The party-goer adds that no other celebs surfaced for the fete at the country star’s recently purchased home, which was decorated with yuletide decorations throughout. “I want a Christmas-themed birthday, because I love Christmas as much as my birthday,” Swift recently told Us Weekly in Taylor Swift: Inside My World. “Combining the two just seems like the perfect festivity.”

She hinted that she wasn’t interested in imbibing alcohol too much: “My friends drink, but I’ve never felt the need to,” Swift said.

You couldn’t see it but reading this story, I stuck my finger down my throat and rolled my eyes to the back of my head all disinterested-like the whole time.

Anne Hathaway and Jake Gyllenhaal both posed nude in a warm embrace on the cover of EW to promote Love & Other Drugs. This isn’t sexually appealing at all. I’ve gotten bigger boners from Kate Gosselin’s week old sandwiches.

Taylor Swift was not invited to the premiere of Jake Gyllenhaal’s new movie Love and Other Drugs because he’s constantly naked and Jake thinks it’s too early for Taylor to see him that way.

“Jake is making no secret that he spends most of the film naked,” a friend laughs. “In fact, you get to see so much of Jake in the original cut that the director made a few edits to try and take the focus off Jake’s naked ass and back onto the story.”

Kanye West needs to send Jake a bracelet with “WWKD” or “What Would Kanye Do?” inscribed on it. Kanye would not only make Taylor watch the movie but he’d also send her pictures of his dong. Every day. Even if they’re not dating.