Britney Spears and Jamie Lynn were in Miami. Looks like they were hanging out by the pool, but I could be wrong. These pictures are so blurry it’s hard to tell. This must be what you’d see if you were really drunk and instead of kids, you’d think Britney and Jamie Lynn were carrying around turkeys and you’d say, “Come here little turkeys. Imma eat you!” and then you get banned from the pool in Miami and, you know what, I don’t want to talk about it.

I really doubt this is true, but Star Magazine reports Jamie Lynn Spears had liposuction when she was pregnant. After she finished filming Zoey 101, she started getting fat and not knowing it was due to being pregnant, Jamie asked her mom to let her get lipo.

Her mom approved of the injections and “went through tons of red tape to get the clinic to adminster them to an underage patient.” A Dr. Gary Burton says any form of liposuction is dangerous to the fetus. Jamie now fears that this procedure has caused long-term harm to her baby.

Ruh roh. Combine that with the Spears’ defective gene pool and this kid will be eating glue and tickling his brain with chopsticks in no time. The smartest thing this baby will ever likely say is, “the Sun is hot.”

Last week, The National Enquirer claimed Jamie Lynn was pregnant for the second time in her short life. TMZ quickly denied it claiming they heard from a reputable source that this is a lie. NE, however, says that the anonymous denials are only to buy time until they figure out what to do and that Case Aldridge is pissed because he only learned about the pregnancy through the media.

“Jamie Lynn’s mom is furious about the pregnancy,” the family member told an ENQUIRER source. “And she’s livid the news leaked out, especially during her book tour.

“Lynne doesn’t want to talk about it publicly until they sort this out.

“Jamie Lynn is being pressured by people very close to her to abort. But no decision has been made yet.

It’s obvious Jamie Lynn is retarded so she’ll probably keep the baby. Her mom will be pretty pissed about that. Not because the decision to take on another baby Spears is the worst thing Jamie could do, but because this could really affect her book tour. If people didn’t think Lynne Spears was a complete screw up before, they’ll definitely think it now. You could have thrown Jamie Lynn out of a speeding car in the middle of the Mojave Desert and it still wouldn’t have been as bad as letting Lynne raise her. Here’s what Lynne Spears should do. Go to Amazon.com, search for how much a 100 pack of condoms cost, cry.

An “unimpeachable” source told TMZ that despite reports to the contrary, Jamie Lynn Spears is not pregnant again. Crap. This is really going to ruin the surprise present I sent her: A coat hanger and a vacuum cleaner. Maybe she can use them for other things like hanging up Casey’s wife beaters.

The National Enquirer reports Jamie Lynn Spears is pregnant again despite giving birth to her first little accident three months ago. Those close to Jamie want her to abort, but Jamie Lynn is a dumbass who thinks you can’t get pregnant while breast-feeding so guess how that conversation went.

“Jamie Lynn is about eight weeks pregnant, and she and her mom Lynne are hysterical,” revealed a close source. “Neither of them knows what to do, but for now they’re trying to keep the news from getting out.”

“Jamie Lynn believed she couldn’t get pregnant while she was breast-feeding,” said the close source. “She’d expected to have her period by early September.” A home pregnancy test came back positive and Jamie Lynn cried her eyes out, said the source.

Why, IT IS very shocking she got pregnant while breast-feeding. Jamie thought that along with that, you also couldn’t get pregnant while ATVing, eating a banana, driving or after doing it on a water bed. Jamie’s world must be shattered. To have lived believing these lies for so long. I guess “condom” won’t be just a six-letter, unpronounceable word for her anymore.

Unrelated note: I was looking at the picture above and does it look like Jamie is trying to do the Techno Viking dance? Video below.

A federal investigation is underway following the discovery that 12 photos of Jamie Lynn stolen by a Wal-Mart employee, including one of Jamie breast feeding her baby with her breast exposed, were being shopped around. TMZ says:

The pics were taken on Casey’s digital camera. We’re told he took the camera card to his local Wal-Mart in Louisiana for copies. Law enforcement believes someone at the Wal-Mart may have made extra copies, then tried selling them.

Because Jamie Lynn is a minor, selling the pics — or buying them — could constitute a violation of federal laws prohibiting child pornography. Peddling pictures of a minor’s breast — even if not taken for sexual purposes — could land the seller and the buyer in federal prison if they are marketed across state lines for the purpose of being lurid. Also, anyone purchasing the pics could be prosecuted for the crime of receiving stolen property.

Authorities are trying to find the man who is attempting to sell the photos. In addition, we’re told Britney’s lawyers are thinking about going after Wal-Mart for the alleged security breach.

At what age does the child porn law start to take effect. Because if I take naked pictures of an aborted fetus, does that make me a pornographer? My therapist says that it just makes me a weirdo, but I’d really like to prove that jackass wrong.

Lynne Spears went on the Today Show to promote her book, Through the Storm, and talk about raising her two daughters. Lynne explains why she wrote the book: “I wanted people to see our family as we really are,” and describes how she felt when she found out her daughter was pregnant.

“It [a note Jamie Lynn wrote and told her to read in the bedroom] said she was pregnant and everything was going to be OK. She was going to raise it … I thought it was a joke. I was waiting for the punch line,” Lynne told Vieira.

“I was in shock. I think I was just truly in shock, and then I started to cry. And she started consoling me at that point.”

The first thought that went through her head when she realized Jamie Lynn wasn’t joking was, “What if I kicked her in the stomach. Would that do anything? I don’t know. I think I should try. Ok. Let’s do it.” *Kick* “Oh great, just great. Now she’s crying and I don’t think it worked.”

Longer first part here

A 28-year-old woman by the name of Kelli Dawson (the stoic woman above) has come forward to In Touch (where else!) and confirmed that she and Casey Aldridge, 19, were hooking up while Jamie Lynn was six months pregnant. In fact, Kelli still sees Casey. “I see him all the time, at least once a week,” she shares. Kelli even shares her romantic cradle robbing story.

“We were both really attracted to each other,” Kelli reveals. “He totally instigated it and pursued me. His friends would tell me that he liked me, that he thought I was pretty.” The couple saw each other a few times and “kissed randomly,” but it wasn’t really “hot and heavy,” Kelli admits, until the spring of 2007. Though Casey and Jamie Lynn were still involved, Kelli insists, “You never knew if they were broken up or not, because it changed from day to day!”

The relationship broke off a few months before Jamie gave birth because “it just didn’t feel right.” After all, Kelli has morals. What kind of woman would sleep with a soon-to-be 19-year-old father. Kelli holds herself to a higher standard than most people as you can clearly see.

Britney’s mother, Lynne Spears’, book, Through the Storm: A Real Story of Fame and Family in a Tabloid World, will finally be released September 16. The book is purported to be a memoir about her “backseat role in Britney’s path to fame.” Publisher, Thomas Nelson, says the book will take readers,

“beyond the reach of the paparazzi and outside the narrow orbit of the Hollywood glitterati to share the inside story of the Spears family-as only a mother can tell it.”

The book details:

• Her regret in abdicating parental authority to managers, agents and record companies
• Her response to Jamie Lynn’s teen pregnancy
• The startling events that led to Britney’s meltdown and Lynne’s showdown with manager Sam Lufti

In other words, just another way to try to capitalize off the fame of Britney and Jamie Lynn. There’s no doubt that if Jamie Lynn ever became a drug addict, Lynne would write a book about it before she tried to help her get clean. That way, she can write another book right after titled: Beyond the Looking Glass,  How I profited off of my two daughters and bought this mansion, or Bwahahahahhaha.

The issue of OK! Magazine with Jamie Lynn and her baby have been scanned. First impressions: The pictures are very Green Acre-y. I don’t know if making Casey and Jamie look like a couple of rich hillbillies was intentional, but it seems very appropriate. I’m surprised Casey isn’t in the back with a cowboy hat on, dancing around firing dual six-shooters in the air. OK! must have showed a lot of restraint.

Jamie Lynn Spears gave birth to Maddie Briann Aldridge — they sure do love their double consonants — on June 19. Just now has OK! secured the first pictures of this trollop’s kid. Also, an interview of some sorts.

“They’d told me it would be an eight- to 12-hour labor, and I was ready to have the baby in three to four hours,” Jamie Lynn tells OK!. “I had a perfect pregnancy and a perfect delivery. I was very blessed.”

“Once I got in there, my doctor was just so calm and so good it was not bad at all,” she says. “I was just talking to Casey. And you know what’s so weird? I was asking him if he was okay. He was like, ‘Yeah.’ We were both so excited.”

Look how happy they are. Teen mother and baby. To think, just a few years from now, Jamie will be screaming at Maddie about how she ruined her life and her career. They grow up so quick.

Future CIA operative Jamie Lynn Spears fooled the paparazzi over the weekend by using a lookalike to dupe the would be photographers. Jamie, having given birth to Maddie last week, left the hospital to little fanfare as she made her way to her home in Liberty, Miss. after paparazzi left in hot pursuit of a decoy vehicle populated by Casey Aldridge, Lynne Spears and her doppelganger.

That could have happened, but it’s more likely that the one guy trying to photograph Jamie didn’t even know he had been tricked because he decided to stop at a Burger King along the way. Of course, that didn’t sotp Casey and Lynne from rubbing their hands together and grinning at the thought of outwitting their mortal enemies. No doubt this will be the topic of discussion at the Spears household for weeks to come. Every meal of KFC and coleslaw will begin with “remember when we tricked the paparazzi with a lookalike?”

Both PEOPLE and Us Weekly have confirmed that Jamie Lynn Spears has given birth to a baby girl named Maddie Briann at the Mississippi Southwest Regional Medical Center in McComb, Mississippi. She delivered by way of planned c-section.

“Just the family was there,” says a source about the birth around 9:30 a.m. at a hospital in Mississippi, near her Louisiana hometown. “Everyone is healthy and happy.”

Upon delivery, Satan emerged from a hole in the Earth and shouted, “Aw, hell yea bitches.” A split second later, he quickly retreated back to Earth’s core. It is unclear what Satan meant by that, but most agree it probably wasn’t a good sign.